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#Post#: 22640--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: swedishfish Date: December 29, 2018, 10:27 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=898.msg22550#msg22550
date=1546083312]
Just out of curiosity: all you people who say you normally eat
at 5 pm, when on earth do you knock off from work in the
afternoon that you can actually do that? Here in the UK, 5 pm is
about the earliest normal going-home time (and many people -
shop workers, for example - finish work much later). What with
travel time, even people who have someone at home to cook dinner
and have it ready for them the moment they walk through the door
would be pushed to sit down any earlier than 6.
[/quote]
I'm not currently working b/c I'm home with a young child, but I
used to get off at 2:30. I was a teacher. My mother was a
teacher, too. Maybe that's a part of our eating schedule, the
early waking hours. When I was working, I was typically eating
breakfast at 5am. I don't wake up nearly as early now that I'm
not working, but I do roll out of bed around 7am, starving! lol
#Post#: 22641--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Dazi Date: December 29, 2018, 10:35 pm
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I'm a college student. On days I have clinical, I'm up at
4:30-5:00 am and get home around 4:00 pm. On classroom days, I'm
home around 2-3 pm. Work days, I work a 12+ hour shift, so I
usually just snack on those days.
#Post#: 22651--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Penelope2017 Date: December 30, 2018, 7:49 am
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Putting aside your BIL’s rudeness, which I don’t deny, I also
have to say 7:45 is really late for dinner - especially for a
holiday. In my experience dinner on holidays is served even
earlier- 4 to 5 ish. And when I go to my in-laws and am told
dinner is at one time and it’s served much later I also find it
exhausting. He was rude, no question, but you mention he might
have gone off to the hotel to “get away” from you guys? Is it
possible he senses your and your mom’s dislike and tries to
minimize together time? Perhaps that is why he’s a more relaxed
and gregarious guest when others are added to the mix. It’s more
confortable and more enjoyable than being around his wife’s
family who dislike him and view him as an angry, lying, control
freak.
If I spent Christmas Day/dinner in a room of four people, two of
whom I knew didn’t like me, I’d probably be exhausted too and
quietly wish dinner would hurry up already. I also feel the
worst for your sister who spent her day likely worrying she’d be
upsetting someone in the middle of this power struggle.
As someone said earlier, you know this is how he acts when he
eats later than six. You gave numerous examples of it. I’m not
sure why you’d expect any different this time. You said your
sister agreed to 7 but she’s not the problem and has a history
of catering to people’s demands. Maybe she did the same with
yours.
Part of the holidays is unfortunately dealing with some family
and friends who we consider a pain in the neck but we make the
best of it because someone we love did chose them. Perhaps in
his mind you guys are the difficult ones because he’s grown up
eating earlier and made his preferences clear? You have the
right to serve dinner when you want, don’t get me wrong, but you
knew he’d react this way as a result. I personally would rather
serve dinner at a time that caused less drama and make my
sister’s life a bit easier so the time we spent together was
quality vs. putting out her husband’s fires every minute (that
were totally predictable and expected.)
Just a different perspective - your posts all indicate you think
it’s out of the reasonable realm to expect to eat dinner - any
dinner - at six - lots of people including me think it’s not
only reasonable but on the late side. Add in a dysfunctional and
uncomfortable social situation among only four people (not a big
gathering where you can immerse yourself elsewhere) and I’d be
climbing the walls to eat and leave also.
#Post#: 22654--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: December 30, 2018, 8:44 am
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During the summer, as kids, we were lucky if we ate by 7:30. My
parents liked to drink, and that almost always came before us.
My sister and I would have loved to cook, but our mother
wouldn't let us use the kitchen.
#Post#: 22663--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Bada Date: December 30, 2018, 9:30 am
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Typical American office jobs were 9-5 back in the day (now Dolly
Parton's song is stuck in my head). Now it's usually 8-5.
When DH and I both worked out of the house and and jobs where we
left the office around 5-ish, whoever was home first cooked and
we'd usually eat around 6:30. Now I'm at home all day, but he's
never home until 6:30 so that's when we eat (or he'll eat
whenever he gets home...7 or 7:30 some days).
OP has already said that a 7:30 dinner isn't unusual where she's
from, yet people are all piling on with what's normal for
*their* region or job and saying it was unreasonable for her to
ask him to wait so she could take an hour to rest on a holiday
before getting up and cooking a big meal. I disagree.
I do think you should find a way to skip holiday meals with this
guy, though. You'll get fewer hours with your sister (since
they'll have to leave to find dinner elsewhere), but maybe
they'll be better quality.
#Post#: 22687--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: NFPwife Date: December 30, 2018, 11:48 am
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[quote author=Bada link=topic=898.msg22663#msg22663
date=1546183825]
Typical American office jobs were 9-5 back in the day (now Dolly
Parton's song is stuck in my head). Now it's usually 8-5.
When DH and I both worked out of the house and and jobs where we
left the office around 5-ish, whoever was home first cooked and
we'd usually eat around 6:30. Now I'm at home all day, but he's
never home until 6:30 so that's when we eat (or he'll eat
whenever he gets home...7 or 7:30 some days).
OP has already said that a 7:30 dinner isn't unusual where she's
from, yet people are all piling on with what's normal for
*their* region or job and saying it was unreasonable for her to
ask him to wait so she could take an hour to rest on a holiday
before getting up and cooking a big meal. I disagree.
I do think you should find a way to skip holiday meals with this
guy, though. You'll get fewer hours with your sister (since
they'll have to leave to find dinner elsewhere), but maybe
they'll be better quality.
[/quote]
I think posters are answering the question about how people
possibly eat earlier than 7:45 p.m. I didn't see it as piling
on.
Everyone agrees the BIL is rude, I think posters are also asking
the OP to consider if this is a hill she wants to die on. My
perspective is that if BIL is going to be obnoxious regardless
of the time of dinner, I wouldn't bend over backwards to adjust.
But, if having dinner at 6:00 p.m. would make a difference in
his attitude, then I'd adjust. It seems like a small allowance
for a better atmosphere. (Although the way OP describes BIL, it
seems like nothing will appease him.)
#Post#: 22700--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: kckgirl Date: December 30, 2018, 2:05 pm
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In my family, holiday meals are earlier instead of later. We
usually have a later breakfast around 9 a.m., no lunch, and
dinner around 3 p.m. The meal is normally so filling that nobody
is hungry later. You may want to consider changing the format of
your day if you want to continue including BIL in holiday meals.
There's no rule that you must have breakfast, lunch, dinner
every day. I also wouldn't want to have such a big meal so late
in the evening.
#Post#: 22701--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: LadyRexall Date: December 30, 2018, 3:05 pm
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[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=898.msg22700#msg22700
date=1546200324]
In my family, holiday meals are earlier instead of later. We
usually have a later breakfast around 9 a.m., no lunch, and
dinner around 3 p.m. The meal is normally so filling that nobody
is hungry later. You may want to consider changing the format of
your day if you want to continue including BIL in holiday meals.
There's no rule that you must have breakfast, lunch, dinner
every day. I also wouldn't want to have such a big meal so late
in the evening.
[/quote]
This is what we do too. I always thought it was fairly typical
to do it this way. Get the turkey on in the morning and then you
have your few hours to relax and putter!
#Post#: 22703--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: NFPwife Date: December 30, 2018, 3:20 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=LadyRexall link=topic=898.msg22701#msg22701
date=1546203956]
[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=898.msg22700#msg22700
date=1546200324]
In my family, holiday meals are earlier instead of later. We
usually have a later breakfast around 9 a.m., no lunch, and
dinner around 3 p.m. The meal is normally so filling that nobody
is hungry later. You may want to consider changing the format of
your day if you want to continue including BIL in holiday meals.
There's no rule that you must have breakfast, lunch, dinner
every day. I also wouldn't want to have such a big meal so late
in the evening.
[/quote]
This is what we do too. I always thought it was fairly typical
to do it this way. Get the turkey on in the morning and then you
have your few hours to relax and putter!
[/quote]
We're the same way - light breakfast, no lunch, then dinner
between 2 and 3. Sometimes 1.
#Post#: 22715--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: LadyRexall Date: December 30, 2018, 5:26 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=NFPwife link=topic=898.msg22703#msg22703
date=1546204832]
[quote author=LadyRexall link=topic=898.msg22701#msg22701
date=1546203956]
[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=898.msg22700#msg22700
date=1546200324]
In my family, holiday meals are earlier instead of later. We
usually have a later breakfast around 9 a.m., no lunch, and
dinner around 3 p.m. The meal is normally so filling that nobody
is hungry later. You may want to consider changing the format of
your day if you want to continue including BIL in holiday meals.
There's no rule that you must have breakfast, lunch, dinner
every day. I also wouldn't want to have such a big meal so late
in the evening.
[/quote]
This is what we do too. I always thought it was fairly typical
to do it this way. Get the turkey on in the morning and then you
have your few hours to relax and putter!
[/quote]
We're the same way - light breakfast, no lunch, then dinner
between 2 and 3. Sometimes 1.
[/quote]
Mil once tried a noon o’clock meal and found it was just way too
early. She was trying to get in a few extra hours with everyone
and trying to accommodate a guest that had to leave early, but
it didn’t work for anyone. Te next year was back to 3ish lol.
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