DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Holidays
*****************************************************
#Post#: 22509--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Raintree Date: December 28, 2018, 6:33 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=pjeans link=topic=898.msg22441#msg22441
date=1545979084]
Out of curiosity: what did you expect to come from the 7:00
meal, if it was served on time? We're you expecting that he
would be a new man and behave with appropriate gratitude and
manners? Were you expecting him to silently stew over not
getting his way? Or were you expecting him to behave as he
actually did-- like he's been catered to for too long?
[/quote]
I had no hidden agenda for serving at 7 (if it had been). I was
going with what the majority preferred, for a change.
Of four people, we have:
A)Two who strongly dislike eating at 6 (not hungry yet, and
frankly, I and others would like to actually be hungry before
tucking into a big meal). Of these two, one owns the home, and
the other is doing the bulk of the cooking.
B) One who doesn't really like eating at 6 either but does it
daily to keep him quiet but has also expressed a preference for
later dinner times;
C) Only one who does want to eat at 6, who gets his way 99% of
the time.
My other reason for wanting to eat at 7 was so that I could have
an hour or two to relax after lunch, instead of leaping up to
start dinner. Meeting a 6 PM deadline would have meant very
little relaxation that day. I was not on holiday for 2 weeks
like he was (except that day) and had worked hard right up to
and including Christmas Eve. I'm not complaining about that, and
enjoyed planning and preparing the meal, but an hour or so of
peace and quiet during Christmas Day was important to me.
#Post#: 22510--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Raintree Date: December 28, 2018, 6:37 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=swedishfish link=topic=898.msg22493#msg22493
date=1546036739]
Gosh, we usually eat 5pm. By 7:45pm, I'd have loaded up on so
many appetizers, I wouldn't need any dinner! lol But I'd never
be rude to my hostess about it. I'd probably turn down future
invites, or have a seriously late lunch to tide me over, though.
[/quote]
Haha, fair enough. If were a dinner guest for a 5 PM meal, I'd
probably have to have a light and early breakfast, skip lunch,
and have a 2-hour workout to be hungry enough to enjoy it.
(Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but I certainly would eat very
little during the day). However, if I knew that was coming, I'd
plan it that way. Which is my point re: my BIL. Adults can plan
for when meals are going to be outside their normal times.
#Post#: 22511--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Raintree Date: December 28, 2018, 6:45 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Amara link=topic=898.msg22471#msg22471
date=1546018649]
I agree with pjeans. This is just not a family dynamic that
makes a pleasant meal possible. Consider your plans for the 2019
holiday season (by that I mean all holidays including spring and
summer if you try to do family dinners then too). Think about
what might work and what you know won't work. Maybe you dislike
your BIL. Maybe he dislikes you. Or perhaps you can handle each
other if meals--a major thrusting point here--is removed. Maybe
it's just better if you do dessert or coffee afterward or
perhaps move the Christmas family meal to breakfast that day.
But I see this as a major opportunity to re-think the tradition
you have now that is obviously not working.
[/quote]
Yeah, we're not doing this again. My mother doesn't want him to
come for dinner again either. I won't cook for him, that's for
sure. When they came for lunch the next day before leaving for
their town again, I put out a buffet style bread, cheeses,
salad, etc. They got there at 11:30 and he was saying how big
the hotel breakfast was. I hadn't eaten any breakfast (I don't
usually anyway). He asked my sister if he could make a sandwich
and I said, "Actually, I'm about to put all that stuff out on
the table for everyone." So I did, and he was diving into it
before I'd finished putting it on the table and it was pretty
clear it was all going to happen within the next 5 minutes as
there wasn't much to do but unwrap all the cheese and bring out
cutlery. So he's already standing there grabbing food and I said
to everyone, "OK, lunch is on the table, come and get it." At
the end, he says to my sister, "That was really nice salad
dressing." (The only thing that wasn't bought or put out by me).
It WAS really nice salad dressing, no question there. But very
interesting that of the whole two days, the only thing he
complimented was what my sister had made.
#Post#: 22519--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: LadyRexall Date: December 28, 2018, 7:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=898.msg22386#msg22386
date=1545939988]
[quote] he will claim he "can't" eat any later or he gets really
ill. [/quote]
So basically you don't believe him? You think he's just saying
this because he likes to be in control, or it's all in his head?
I have been diagnosed w/ acid reflux, as has my husband, and one
thing we're finding is that if we eat too late, there will still
be food in our stomachs when we go to bed, and we have problems
because that valve at the top of the stomach won't hold, and
stomach acid will go up into the esophagus.
That causes a cough, and a risk of esophageal cancer. And in
some other people it causes heartburn or other symptoms.
So....
[/quote]
Although I don’t think op was being rude, I get what you’re
saying. There’s a whole host of reasons that op may not be privy
too that make bil need to eat at certain times. I’m like that.
I’m not diabetic but I’ll get out of sorts/cranky/dizzy/shaky
without food at the proper time.
I also sympathize that bil is always exhausted. So am I! Always
have been! I’ve had every test imaginable and they’ve all come
back fine. Meanwhile I’m exhausted to the bone and can’t get
others to understand exactly how debilitating it is. To have
someone tell me they’re much older and aren’t tired do I
shouldn’t be is just a smack in the face. Yes, true facts but I
am a different person than you.
None of that changes how rude and pa bil was about his issues
though.
#Post#: 22540--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: mime Date: December 28, 2018, 11:03 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Raintree link=topic=898.msg22511#msg22511
date=1546044326]
But very interesting that of the whole two days, the only thing
he complimented was what my sister had made.
[/quote]
Maybe she has been training him to be nicer to her, and that's
what he came up with. If her success continues, maybe next year
he'll compliment you on your cocktail nuts or dinner mints!
#Post#: 22550--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Aleko Date: December 29, 2018, 5:35 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Just out of curiosity: all you people who say you normally eat
at 5 pm, when on earth do you knock off from work in the
afternoon that you can actually do that? Here in the UK, 5 pm is
about the earliest normal going-home time (and many people -
shop workers, for example - finish work much later). What with
travel time, even people who have someone at home to cook dinner
and have it ready for them the moment they walk through the door
would be pushed to sit down any earlier than 6.
#Post#: 22557--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Pattycake Date: December 29, 2018, 9:26 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=898.msg22550#msg22550
date=1546083312]
Just out of curiosity: all you people who say you normally eat
at 5 pm, when on earth do you knock off from work in the
afternoon that you can actually do that? Here in the UK, 5 pm is
about the earliest normal going-home time (and many people -
shop workers, for example - finish work much later). What with
travel time, even people who have someone at home to cook dinner
and have it ready for them the moment they walk through the door
would be pushed to sit down any earlier than 6.
[/quote]
When I was growing up, my step-father (when on the day shift)
was off at 4:00 or 4:30, and my mom was off at 4:00, so supper
was ALWAYS at 5:00. I don't think my mom ever got to do much
after work! And then when they divorced, it was about the same
time, maybe 5:30. We were older by then too so if she wasn't
home right away, we could wait longer.
When I started working, it was shift work, so when I was on days
that ended by 4:00 or 4:30, I generally went home and made
supper by 5:00. Now that I am retired, a life-long habit is
still with me and I tend to have supper between 5:00 and 6:00. I
do think that more jobs here are 8:00 - 4:00 or 4:30 than 9:00 -
5:00 and later.
#Post#: 22616--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: lakey Date: December 29, 2018, 4:45 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
When I was growing up factory job day shifts ended at 3 PM.
Office jobs often ended at 4.
#Post#: 22619--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Wanaca Date: December 29, 2018, 5:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=lakey link=topic=898.msg22616#msg22616
date=1546123548]
When I was growing up factory job day shifts ended at 3 PM.
Office jobs often ended at 4.
[/quote]
Yes, in the factory where I work, day shift works 7:00 to 3:30.
Most of the factory jobs around here are like that.
During the week we eat around 7pm but on weekends/holidays it's
closer to 5pm. My DH gets digestive issues if he goes to sleep
right after eating.
#Post#: 22621--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: mathcat Date: December 29, 2018, 6:10 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
To answer the question posed...
As a teacher I am usually at school by 6:30 AM so I try to leave
at 4:30 PM. I live less than 15 minutes away from work so I get
home and immediately start dinner. We are often able to eat by
5:30 since my husband gets off at 5:00 and also has less than a
15 minute drive home. If I have a meeting or if my husband must
stay late we might eat as late as 7:00 but we try to avoid that
as we prefer the 5:15 dinner. Being that I have at least a
couple hours of work to do at home, I much prefer to have the
earlier dinner so that I can settle in, work, and hopefully have
a bit of chance to relax before going to bed.
By the way, my 17 year old has had type 1 diabetes since the age
of three. Neither he nor I would put up a fuss about late
dinners. Gathering are about the people first and the food
second (or even further down the list).
*****************************************************
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page