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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 22288--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: lakey
Date: December 26, 2018, 11:45 am
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Dealing with a 2 year old, a 4 year old, and a 6 year old is
pretty tough. Having the 4 and 6 year olds sit makes it less
likely that they will move around and cause problems. Once a
really young child starts with the wailing, they tend to not
stop. I hate being in a closed space with screaming babies, but
when it happens I'm just glad that I'm not the one everyone is
giving the stink eye to. Just be glad you weren't on a 7 hour
flight.
#Post#: 22290--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: Rainbow
Date: December 26, 2018, 11:47 am
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Thank you all for your input!
I just want to clarify that the stroller was empty, it was the
screaming child's, there were 3 kids in all. There were other
families in there, with children of similar ages, and all seemed
to manage just fine standing up and keeping noise at a
reasonable level. The carriage wasn't that level of packed that
it was unsafe, or that they would have lost sight of the
children at all. The way our metro is set up, there are plenty
of holds for small children to grab, which is what generally
happens.
I'm a bit surprised that someone suggested that all of us
(including other families and elderly people) should give way to
one family and their needs by leaving the carriage. We don't
know the situation of that family, but we don't know the
situation of any of the other people there either, if we're
making allowances for that. Do you suggest other families with
children should bear the onus of a disturbance caused by someone
else? (i.e., hop off or suck it up). If I am bothering someone,
I think it's on me to reevaluate my behaviour, not on the other
person to take action. If it comes to that, I think I would be
the rude one. As for the speculation about the child being
special needs, well, there might have been other special needs
people there being bothered, or someone having a migraine
triggered by that behaviour, or a myriad of other unverifiable
hypotheses. I think you can justify just about anything if you
look hard enough.
I don't think that the parents' behaviour was heinous, but I
certainly still believe that they were inconsiderate to other
passengers, and that if every family took the same approach, it
would be impossible to use public transport. I'm sympathetic up
to a point, and I'm sure it wasn't their fault (screaming
children happen), and that they may have been embarrassed, but
I'm sure it wasn't our fault either, and I still think it's
understandable that we were all a bit miffed (thank you to the
posters who recognized that). We'll have to agree to disagree on
that one! :)
#Post#: 22291--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: oogyda
Date: December 26, 2018, 11:54 am
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Absolutely no one is suggesting that everyone else should
disembark to leave one family with the carriage to themselves.
We are simply saying that if it bothered you that much, you
should go somewhere else.
#Post#: 22295--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: Luci
Date: December 26, 2018, 12:53 pm
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--- Quote from: Aleko link ---
>
> [quote]
>
> If they have to get somewhere, and the metro is the only means
available to them, then even if they know their child is likely
to scream all the way they just have to do it. Getting off the
train and soothing him down won't help if he is only going to
start up again the moment they get back on again - best just to
grit their teeth and get where they have to go as fast as they
can.
>
--- End Quote ---
--- Quote from: kckgirl link ---
> o
> I think it was just unfortunate but not rude. By your
description, the parents were doing the best they could. If I
had been the parent, it would never have occurred to me to leave
the train. I really doubt they were unconcerned. Occasionally,
public transport is not fun. This was one of those times.
>
--- End Quote ---
I think you said I all when you said she was two. Nothing could
be done. I probably would want to put the child in her stroller
and let her have it out, but then there would have only been
more criticism. Trying to calm my kids and grandkids would do
nothing to change the length of the tantrum and even made our
son worse.
#Post#: 22300--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: oogyda
Date: December 26, 2018, 2:09 pm
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--- Quote from: Rainbow link ---
>
> In their place, I would have sat with my child on the platform
(where noise wouldn't be so much of an issue) and wait it out.
At most, if it didn't subside, I would hop on and off, maybe two
stops at a time, to minimize bother to others (the volume of
those little lungs was really something, believe me). Note that
the metro system was reinforced for Xmas day, and the waiting
time was about 3 minutes.
>
>
--- End Quote ---
This is completely unrealistic with one child, much less three.
I can only assume that you do not have children and have not had
much exposure to them. I apologize if my assumptions are
incorrect.
#Post#: 22302--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: Jem
Date: December 26, 2018, 2:21 pm
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--- Quote from: Rainbow link ---
>
> I'm a bit surprised that someone suggested that all of us
(including other families and elderly people) should give way to
one family and their needs by leaving the carriage. We don't
know the situation of that family, but we don't know the
situation of any of the other people there either, if we're
making allowances for that. Do you suggest other families with
children should bear the onus of a disturbance caused by someone
else? (i.e., hop off or suck it up). If I am bothering someone,
I think it's on me to reevaluate my behaviour, not on the other
person to take action. If it comes to that, I think I would be
the rude one.
--- End Quote ---
It's great to do your best to not bother others, but
realistically most people don't really know what will bother
others. I take public transportation and some things that
"bother" me are when other people take up a portion of my space
or smell like smoke or body odor. If I notice the person next to
me is likely to "bother" me, I will either find a different seat
or deal. I would never expect someone to intuit that their odor
is offensive to me, and I don't think larger people are
intentionally taking up "my" space. It's just a part of public
transportation.
There is a woman who is known for sitting over two seats and
refusing to move over to allow someone else to sit with her
without first demanding to know whether they can sit somewhere
else and whether they are "scented" because she doesn't like
perfumes or soaps (or something like that). I think SHE comes
across as rude more than the people who apparently "bother" her.
Sure, screaming kids can be annoying. But the kids and parents
are likely doing the best they can. Almost certainly they are
not intentionally making life difficult for themselves to annoy
others. I really do think that if it bothers a person, it is on
the bothered person to move, and that is unrealistic to expect a
group of people to intuit that they are bothering other people
and leave public transportation to accommodate others.
#Post#: 22311--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: Winterlight
Date: December 26, 2018, 5:45 pm
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It sounds like the parents were doing what they could to soothe
the child, and were quite possibly too embarrassed to make eye
contact with others. The other kids sitting down seems
reasonable, the parents had enough on their hands without
potentially having the little ones roaming the carriage, or
falling over as the train lurches.
#Post#: 22317--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: December 26, 2018, 6:42 pm
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--- Quote ---
> There were other families in there, with children of similar
ages, and all seemed to manage just fine standing up and keeping
noise at a reasonable level.
--- End Quote ---
This means exactly squat. You know that, don't you?
#Post#: 22321--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: guest657
Date: December 26, 2018, 7:01 pm
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I'm curious about your assertion that a) the screaming was
intolerable, but also b) the other two children should have
given up their seats for adults.
Did you really want to sit *closer* to the screaming?
They may have been attempting to use the older kids as a buffer,
so the little one wasn't screaming directly into an elderly or
frail person's face.
#Post#: 22325--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: December 26, 2018, 7:28 pm
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If it was that crowded, I wouldn't want my children to get up
from where I put them! The more people get on the train, the
more they can get pushed back somewhere out of sight.
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