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#Post#: 22252--------------------------------------------------
Screaming child in metro
DIR By: Rainbow
Date: December 26, 2018, 5:07 am
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Happy holidays to all! This is not a huge deal in the grand
scheme of things, but it may be interesting to discuss :)
Yesterday I took the metro to go to my family's home to
celebrate Christmas. It was understandably packed, with people
and families carrying bags and presents, and when I got in and
the doors closed, I saw we were all trapped with... The
Screaming Child! (dun dun dun)
It was a family of 5, the father was standing to the side with a
pushchair, and the mother was sitting with the Screaming Child
(a girl about 2) and her brothers (about 4 and 6), occupying the
whole bench. That also struck me as a little inconsiderate, and
I'm also curious to see if you agree. There were lots of people
standing, carrying parcels, some of them elderly. When I was
little, I was taught to stand up for adults (my parents used to
jokingly said that they must be more tired than me, since
they've been in this world for longer). Although of course I can
understand that sometimes a child needs to sit, I certainly
don't think it was the case, and that others would have
benefited more from sitting down.
The little one was having a royal screaming fit, it was really
non-stop, and in a packed, closed carriage it was quite intense.
The mum was doing general soothing sounds (to absolutely no
avail) and sometimes murmured to the child, but she (the mum)
looked quite unconcerned. After the mum engaging, the child
would stop for literally five seconds and start again at
ear-shattering level. At one point, mum and dad changed places,
and dad did exactly the same, with the same results. The
brothers looked mortified, poor things, sitting quietly in the
bench. The whole carriage was giving the family the stinky eye
(and some eye-rolling too). No apologetic looks from the parents
at all, or any acknowledgement, they didn't seem to care (though
it was impossible for them not to notice the others'
discomfort). The little brothers looked far more embarrassed
than the parents, and I felt a little sorry for them.
Now, I understand that this may have been a parent tactic to
deal with the child, minimum response to teach her it doesn't
pay. I don't know if it was very useful, since they did engage
her and I think they were caught in a repeating cycle, but I do
appreciate that maybe they were trying to deal with it the best
way they could.
Where I think they went wrong is in being inconsiderate by
subjecting the whole carriage to the screams. This was not a
plane, where there's nothing much you can do. The could do
something, but chose not to. I think they should have left the
carriage once they saw how it was and that the little one wasn't
going to stop. I was there for four stops, the child was already
screaming when I got in, and was certainly still screaming when
I left. I understand that they were also going to a Christmas
dinner, and that there may have been time constraints, but I
think they chose their convenience over the comfort of other
passengers. In their place, I would have sat with my child on
the platform (where noise wouldn't be so much of an issue) and
wait it out. At most, if it didn't subside, I would hop on and
off, maybe two stops at a time, to minimize bother to others
(the volume of those little lungs was really something, believe
me). Note that the metro system was reinforced for Xmas day, and
the waiting time was about 3 minutes.
I hope I didn't sound like The Grinch here! Like I said, it was
not a big deal and I (along with the other passengers, I'm sure)
went on to enjoy a wonderful Christmas Day, but I do think the
parents were quite rude in how they dealt with the situation.
What are your thoughts? :)
#Post#: 22253--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: December 26, 2018, 5:25 am
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I guess I am feeling a bit generous today, but I would not read
into the parents' actions. They were trying to sooth the child
and just because they failed to make eye contact or apologize
does not mean that they were not embarrassed. Maybe dealing with
the child was their main focus and it missed them to share the
benches. Then again, I suppose that it is completely possible
that they were truly self boars unconcerned with the other
passengers, but when in doubt, I like to assume the opposite.
But otherwise, yes, I think that your plan of trying to wait the
tears out on the platform may have been a better option. I might
have sent my partner on with the other children and I wait it
out with the upset one.
#Post#: 22257--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: RubyCat
Date: December 26, 2018, 7:07 am
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It sounds like they were doing the best they could. Maybe they
didn't make eye contact because they were mortified? I know I
would be. As far as the 4 and 6 year olds sitting, they might be
just a bit young to stand while the train is moving and they're
much easier to keep track of if sitting next to the mother. If
they were a little bit older, I'd definitely agree that they
should give up their seat. That's how I was brought up and how I
brought my kids up. Besides, it was always fun to hold on to
the pole and keep balance as the train moved.
You do have my sympathy though. Being trapped with a screamer is
not pleasant at all.
#Post#: 22261--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: Bada
Date: December 26, 2018, 7:46 am
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--- Quote from: RubyCat link ---
>
> It sounds like they were doing the best they could. Maybe they
didn't make eye contact because they were mortified? I know I
would be. As far as the 4 and 6 year olds sitting, they might be
just a bit young to stand while the train is moving and they're
much easier to keep track of if sitting next to the mother. If
they were a little bit older, I'd definitely agree that they
should give up their seat. That's how I was brought up and how I
brought my kids up. Besides, it was always fun to hold on to
the pole and keep balance as the train moved.
>
> You do have my sympathy though. Being trapped with a screamer
is not pleasant at all.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yes, I also thought that having the kids give up their seat
would just make it harder for the parents to keep track of the
kids and easier for a child to get lost in the crush of people.
As long as they were only taking one seat per person I think
they were just right. (I don't know how long the bench they were
on was).
I wouldn't make my 4 year old stand just to have to deal with
the aftermath of him falling over or getting knocked over or
getting pushed off at the wrong stop, or (unlikely, I know)
getting kidnapped. Nope.
Sometimes kids scream because they're super unhappy and you just
can't fix it. If the kid hates the sound/feeling of the Metro,
then no amount of waiting will make the crying stop.
But I do find it curious that when the parents engaged the child
quieted. Until the parent disengaged again. I feel like it ought
to be all of nothing. Either you're too exhausted to engage, so
you let the kid scream or you do what you can to help the child
feel better. To do a little of both seems odd. But my money is
on exhaustion. Being the parents of 4 kids at the holidays is
probably insanely tiring.
#Post#: 22265--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: wonderfullyanonymous
Date: December 26, 2018, 8:34 am
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There could have been an underlying issue that could not be
seen. If the child was autistic, for instance, being on a
crowded train was not going to be fun for her. Her senses could
have already been over loaded, and no matter what the parents
did at that point, she would still be screaming. Christmas is a
lot for any child, up early, excitement of presents, no time to
play with new toys, no time for a nap. By all accounts, it was
not bad parenting, just an over whelmed child, more than likely.
Any one on that train could have disembarked, to get away from
the screaming child, but it was the holiday, so every train
would have been packed, and the chances of coming across another
screaming child would be pretty high,
#Post#: 22268--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: December 26, 2018, 8:57 am
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The sitting children, so long as they're taking up only their
seats and not splayed across a 5 seat bench when there are only
two of them, are fine. If the train is crowded and one parent
has a pram and the other is trying to deal with the screamer,
it's hard to track where the two boys are especially when the
train is crowded. I'd be more likely to allow them to stand on a
less crowded train because they can be easily seen and reached
out for, if necessary.
I'm with wonderfullyanonymous, any adult bothered by the
screaming could have gotten off the train and caught the next
one. While it would be nice if the family did, there's nothing
stopping any and every one else from employing the same method.
I was on a train where the only place for me to hold on was
behind me a bit because I'm too short to reach overhead. My arm
was at a weird angle and there was a person standing against my
outstretched forearm. The thought, "You're arm is going to get
broken," popped in my head. At first I thought, "That's a weird
thought," then I assessed the situation and realized it could
happen if the train stopped hard and the person hit into my arm.
I either had to switch places with a person or two not to have
my arm at that angle or get off the train and get on the next
one. So we hopped off at the next stop. The next train was so
much emptier and DH and I were both able to sit.
All that to say, I'm a huge fan of getting off and on the next
train. Honestly, it would be easier for DH and me to jump off
than a family with four children, one in a pram and one
screaming her head off. DH and I would have coordinated the
"We're getting on the next train" plan with a quick look and we
wouldn't have made it obvious that we were getting off because
of the child. The parents are having a rough enough time, they
don't need my judgement.
I also find it interesting that the child stopped when soothed
and then the parent stopped the soothing to have the crying
start again. The fact that both parents had the same method
makes me think it's a "thing" they're trying either because it
was recommended by a professional or is part of an overall
parenting style they've adopted.
#Post#: 22278--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: Aleko
Date: December 26, 2018, 10:13 am
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--- Quote ---
> There could have been an underlying issue that could not be
seen. If the child was autistic, for instance, being on a
crowded train was not going to be fun for her. Her senses could
have already been over loaded, and no matter what the parents
did at that point, she would still be screaming.
--- End Quote ---
That was my thought too. If they have to get somewhere, and the
metro is the only means available to them, then even if they
know their child is likely to scream all the way they just have
to do it. Getting off the train and soothing him down won't help
if he is only going to start up again the moment they get back
on again - best just to grit their teeth and get where they have
to go as fast as they can.
#Post#: 22280--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: kckgirl
Date: December 26, 2018, 11:08 am
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I think it was just unfortunate but not rude. By your
description, the parents were doing the best they could. If I
had been the parent, it would never have occurred to me to leave
the train. I really doubt they were unconcerned. Occasionally,
public transport is not fun. This was one of those times.
#Post#: 22281--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: oogyda
Date: December 26, 2018, 11:15 am
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I honestly don't think the parents were doing anything wrong. I
DO think that if they had been less calm about soothing the
little screamer, it could very well have made the situation
worse.
I don't blame them for not disembarking until peace could be
established. Parents know that it sometimes seems like the kids
are tag teaming their parents...just when one calms down, the
next one starts. Also, whenever I take the metro around here, I
generally have to make a connection. If I miss it, it can mean
a longer wait than anyone would want with a passle of kids and
bags.
#Post#: 22286--------------------------------------------------
Re: Screaming child in metro
DIR By: betty
Date: December 26, 2018, 11:38 am
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My thought is not rude, just life.
Kids sometimes scream, and it can be hard to calm them down. If
the whole family was happy, then maybe the older children could
stand, but at this point I think this would be a "safety is more
important than etiquette" situation. An outsider's view of how
the parents were (or were not) tending to the screaming child
means close to nothing, since the outsider doesn't know the full
situation. Expecting the family to get off the train in order to
spare the other passengers the noise seems crazy to me. If
another passenger is bothered, they can move themselves away by
moving in the car or disembarking and getting on another train.
Same thing for judging that the parent's didn't seem to be
properly embarrassed by their child's actions. They were busy
with their four young children, one of whom was having a
meltdown.
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