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#Post#: 21799--------------------------------------------------
Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contributi
on.
By: LadyRexall Date: December 18, 2018, 1:48 pm
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Just this. I’m a good cook. I love to share my cooking. We
always do Xmas at mil house and she asks us ladies to
contribute. At first she would ask me for real contributions,
but it’s lessened over time even though people always praise my
dishes. She’s lately started asking me just for coleslaw; so not
even cooking. After my second coleslaw she asked if I ever
diverted from the creamy coleslaw and did the oil and vinegar
kind. I said no because I don’t like that kind and if I’m asked
to make xyz, I’ll do it the way I like it so I can actually eat
it. This year for Xmas, she asked me to bring coleslaw and
followed it up with, just shred the cabbage, we’ll do oil and
vinegar at my house. Wtf??? So now I can’t eat my own
contribution and I’m not even cooking? What is this???? I’m
really disappointed. I don’t get to show off my skills and I
won’t even eat my own food. I’m just buying a few bags of
shredded lettuce. What’s a reasonable way of asking what’s up
with these requests? I’m waiting until after Xmas. I’m not about
to do any pre Xmas drama lol.
#Post#: 21800--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contri
bution.
By: lowspark Date: December 18, 2018, 2:07 pm
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Can you bring exactly what she requests, *plus* another dish
that you cook? Especially in this case, bring the shredded
cabbage but also bring your own cole slaw recipe.
You know your MIL and you must have some suspicions as to why
she is doing this. Does she not like your cooking? Or is she
jealous if you are getting more compliments then she?
I'm not sure how you'd approach it after the holiday. Much
depends on your relationship with her. If it's good, then you
can just let her know that you'd prefer to bring a cooked dish
in future. If it's not so good, then there's probably no good
way to bring it up.
#Post#: 21801--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contri
bution.
By: Rose Red Date: December 18, 2018, 2:11 pm
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If you don't want to bring cole slaw, you shouldn't have to
since you dislike the oil and vinegar kind. Or be gracious and
bring the cabbage and maybe you can bring the creamy kind too.
It sounds like MIL doesn't really want your cooking at dinners
that she hosts for some reason. Maybe she wants all the praise
since it's her house and she's doing the mains? Who knows? If
you like MIL otherwise, be the bigger person and you can show
off your cooking at the dinner parties that you host.
This reminds me of a thread on the old board where the OP was
upset to be asked to bring an apple crumble because a crumble
doesn't give her a chance to show off her baking skills. I don't
remember who the OP was.
#Post#: 21803--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contri
bution.
By: guest657 Date: December 18, 2018, 2:35 pm
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Bring a couple bags of shredded cabbage, compliment everyone
else's dishes, and make yourself a nice dinner at home.
After the holiday, ask her what's up. Could be a lot of things.
Maybe it's not her that has a problem. Maybe another relative
feels overshadowed, or thinks you came off one time as being
braggy or stuck-up about your cooking. ( Not that you actually
were, but insecure people project things like that).
But surely there are other things you can enjoy about the party
besides eating your own cooking. Just focus on those.
And if there really is nothing enjoyable about it, get a sudden
bout of "Christmas flu" and stay home.
#Post#: 21809--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contri
bution.
By: LadyRexall Date: December 18, 2018, 3:14 pm
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[quote author=Anon4Now link=topic=882.msg21803#msg21803
date=1545165334]
Bring a couple bags of shredded cabbage, compliment everyone
else's dishes, and make yourself a nice dinner at home.
After the holiday, ask her what's up. Could be a lot of things.
Maybe it's not her that has a problem. Maybe another relative
feels overshadowed, or thinks you came off one time as being
braggy or stuck-up about your cooking. ( Not that you actually
were, but insecure people project things like that).
But surely there are other things you can enjoy about the party
besides eating your own cooking. Just focus on those.
And if there really is nothing enjoyable about it, get a sudden
bout of "Christmas flu" and stay home.
[/quote]
Oh yes, there are tons of things to enjoy. I don’t really get a
chance to cook for others besides at mil house (she hosts every
holiday imaginable and I have a tiny house without even a dining
table so I can’t host friends at my house). And I realize that I
don’t need to enjoy “just” my own food lol, but mil often makes
tons of dishes I don’t care for (not allergy, just preferences)
so often I like to make my contribution suitable to me just in
case there’s not much else. I’m trying to not make myself look
snowflakey, but I can’t make myself like fish if I don’t like
fish. I don’t make a big deal or be pa about the food I don’t
eat. So it’s not like I announce “I guess it’s just coleslaw and
potatoes for me since I don’t like anything else” I ’m very
quiet and non confrontational by nature.
#Post#: 21812--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contri
bution.
By: Venus193 Date: December 18, 2018, 3:26 pm
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Not sure, but envy of your cooking skills could be an
explanation. How has your coleslaw been received previously?
I have a small apartment so the only chance I get to really cook
is when the Potluck Queen gives a party. My general rule about
what I bring is that if it fails once I don't bring it again. I
actually once asked the previous board whether it was acceptable
to bring something that the hostess doesn't care for and most
people thought it was as long as other people enjoy it.
The PQ now has more people who bring food, so I don't provide as
much as I used to. And there is always more leftovers than she
can fit in her fridge.
#Post#: 21815--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contri
bution.
By: Jem Date: December 18, 2018, 3:41 pm
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I would just bring what you want to bring and not think too much
about it. Different people have different tastes. What is “good
cooking” to some is overly fatty and salty to others. Some
people (like me) think sauces and butter ruin otherwise
delicious vegetables.
#Post#: 21819--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contri
bution.
By: TeamBhakta Date: December 18, 2018, 4:12 pm
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No offense, but is it possible people told your MIL privately "I
didn't like what dish(es) she brought ?" Or she noticed people
were only picking at it ? After all, other guests know it's
politer to say "Gee, I am having some of your slaw, Karen! It's
amazing!" or "I will try it later, thanks!", not " It was yucky!
I hate creamy coleslaw!" Doesn't necessarily mean you are a bad
cook if you're asked to bring something else. It's just
important to compromise sometimes when you're cooking for a
group & you aren't the hostess planning the party.
#Post#: 21824--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contri
bution.
By: GardenGal Date: December 18, 2018, 7:10 pm
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OP - I don't know what your relationship is with your MIL, or
how long you've been married to her son. I wonder if your DH
has any ideas as to why his mother is acting like this?
Maybe your MIL personally only likes one kind of coleslaw and if
you don't make that she's happy to make the dressing if you
bring the shredded cabbage. I found a recipe online for a
Mexican coleslaw that included chopped cilantro leaves, and it
was very interesting. Perhaps you could look for a non-creamy
coleslaw and if you find something that appeals to you, make a
small batch of that and bring it in addition to the shredded
cabbage for your MIL to do the dressing for.
Another suggestion - even though you say your house is too small
to host people at, how about hosting them at a public park or
someplace like that when the weather is fine? It would give you
a chance to show off your skills and plenty of room for your
friends to gather. In my town you can even reserve picnic
tables at some parks, so you're guaranteed the space when you
need it. And it doesn't have to be a huge deal - just some
imaginative sandwiches or casseroles, or meat & cheese platters,
1 or 2 fun desserts, and apple cider or iced tea. Another plus
is that you don't have to spend any time cleaning your home for
company (which in my mind is a really big plus, as I hate to
clean). And be sure to invite your MIL - maybe she'll find some
dishes to enjoy outside of her usual range.
#Post#: 21825--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking a good cook to bring shredded cabbage as their contri
bution.
By: Hmmm Date: December 18, 2018, 7:20 pm
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I'd bring the shredded cabbage and then make a coleslaw the way
you like and take it too. If she makes a comment, just say that
you prefer creamy coleslaw.
So what does your husband think is the issue? How is your
relationship otherwise? Does she maybe think you enjoy showing
off your cooking skills too much? Are you contributions more
elaborate than what others are bringing or she is making? My
sister and her DH are not interested in experiencing new foods
and really liked very basic items so when making something for
them.
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