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#Post#: 21784--------------------------------------------------
Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: Girlie Date: December 18, 2018, 10:54 am
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My DH works for a government group where he is a member of a
very small department that services every other department in
their local area, most of which are much larger.
One group in particular has invited my DH's department to their
Christmas get-together every single year for as long as anyone
can remember. This year, the invite went out as usual from the
department secretary. Within hours, however, a second email went
out (also from the secretary) stating that the Christmas party
was cancelled - effectively ending any invite to my DH's
department.
...EXCEPT...the party is most certainly NOT cancelled. At
various times when my DH has been present in this department, it
has been patently obvious that they are preparing for the same
event that they do every year - it's notably marked on people's
calendars, there have been items purchased for the event, and he
has heard some people (who would have had nothing to do with the
issuing or non-issuing of the invitations) talking about the
upcoming event. It is obvious, for whatever reason, that this
department's head simply uninvited DH's department.
Here is where DH and I stand: It's their Christmas party. Even
if they've always issued the invitation in the past, they are
under no obligation to do so now. The way that it was done,
however, has created an awkward situation for my DH and his
small group of coworkers who are now uncertain as to how they
should behave when the party is brought up by other people in
the other department who undoubtedly expect them to be there, as
per usual. They feel it seems off to say, "We were told it was
cancelled by the secretary," even though that's true (and I
suspect was done to save their feelings at being uninvited for
whatever reason). It also seems wrong to say that they simply
weren't invited, when the truth is that they were uninvited, and
they don't have any idea why.
Also, I personally don't like how the whole thing was handled by
the other secretary. Even if it is a Christmas party, there is
still an element of "business" involved, and IMO they either
should have 1. Sucked it up and left the invite the way it was,
or 2. Someone should have picked up the phone and called the
manager of DH's department and explained the mistake and issued
an apology while leaving the disinvite firmly in place.
Any advice? Opinions?
#Post#: 21789--------------------------------------------------
Re: Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: December 18, 2018, 11:28 am
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I agree that the disinvite should have been handled a bit more
tastefully. A phone call manager to manager apologizing would
have been best. Really this should probably have happened before
the invitations were even issued. (“We really appreciate the
work that your team does, but the party budget is tight this
year, so I am unable to include your team.”) It’s awkward no
matter what, though.
To me, it sounds like the admin made an error. She/He may have
had a party email invitation list that did not get re-edited for
this year and when she/he realized the error, she/he made a best
effort to correct it. It is possible that the manager may not
even be aware that the disinvite was even sent. Rather than
throwing the administrator under the boss, I would simply say,
“We were not invited this year.” Why get into the invited then
disinvited issue and just go to the truth. Then as we would
probably advise anyone here who was not invited to a party that
someone mistakenly asked about, I would “bean dip” (change the
subject.)
Would it help if your husband’s team planned their own party at
that same time? I am not sure if it would be better to say,
“Actually, we are having our own private party this year”, but
it may avoid any awkwardness that may occur when the party is
actually going on. Just a thought.
#Post#: 21795--------------------------------------------------
Re: Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: Hanna Date: December 18, 2018, 12:59 pm
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If asked and he doesn’t want to bring up the details, he could
simply say, “oh no, I won’t be able to be there this year.”
Which is true, but leaving off the reason.
#Post#: 21796--------------------------------------------------
Re: Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: Titanica Date: December 18, 2018, 1:12 pm
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=881.msg21789#msg21789
date=1545154137]
Rather than throwing the administrator under the boss,
[/quote]
Best rewording of a common expression ever!
#Post#: 21797--------------------------------------------------
Re: Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: lowspark Date: December 18, 2018, 1:20 pm
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[quote author=Girlie link=topic=881.msg21784#msg21784
date=1545152099]
They feel it seems off to say, "We were told it was cancelled by
the secretary," even though that's true (and I suspect was done
to save their feelings at being uninvited for whatever reason).
It also seems wrong to say that they simply weren't invited,
when the truth is that they were uninvited, and they don't have
any idea why.
[/quote]
I'm not sure why it feels off to say "We were told it was
cancelled." That's the truth. I probably would not go into the
details of being invited then uninvited, as that does seem
awkward. But they were, in fact, told it was canceled.
They don't have to involve the secretary. She may have made the
mistake in inviting them in the first place and rather than get
in trouble with her boss, sent the second email. Or the boss
might have made the mistake and directed her to do so. We just
don't know.
But in the end, the truth is that your husband's team was told
the party was canceled. And I don't see any reason to hide that
truth.
And yes, it was handled quite poorly. Somebody messed up. And
rather than just eat their mistake and keep the invitation open,
OR own up to their mistake and explain it, they decided to hide
behind a lie which would surely be discovered. And they are
depending on your husband and his team to help them continue to
hide behind a lie.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, whether DH's team was
invited or not is not that big a deal. However, the fact that
someone felt that lying to cover up a mistake is ok, is, in my
opinion, a kind of a big deal. And as your husband, I would have
no hesitation to tell the truth and let the chips fall where
they may.
#Post#: 21798--------------------------------------------------
Re: Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: Rose Red Date: December 18, 2018, 1:31 pm
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Wow. The secretary failed big time. Not for the mistake (it
happens) but how she handled the mistake by saying the party is
canceled when it's obvious that it's not. But then again, are
you sure the yearly traditional party was not canceled (due to
budget or whatever) and the group decided they want to party
anyway and planned another shindig instead?
Still, they should be honest or even say how they're keeping it
small this year and apologize for mistakenly sending out the
invitation. It doesn't look good to say the party is canceled
when there's some kind of party being planned.
Your DH and coworkers should just say they weren't invited this
year. It's the truth and it's just the facts. Why cover it up?
#Post#: 21802--------------------------------------------------
Re: Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: gramma dishes Date: December 18, 2018, 2:12 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=881.msg21798#msg21798
date=1545161478]
... Your DH and coworkers should just say they weren't invited
this year. It's the truth and it's just the facts. Why cover it
up?
[/quote]
But they WERE invited, so it's not really the truth. I don't
see any point in covering it up. I like lowspark's way of
handling it. "We were told the party was canceled." That is
the truth.
#Post#: 21818--------------------------------------------------
Re: Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: Rose Red Date: December 18, 2018, 3:53 pm
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=881.msg21802#msg21802
date=1545163933]
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=881.msg21798#msg21798
date=1545161478]
... Your DH and coworkers should just say they weren't invited
this year. It's the truth and it's just the facts. Why cover it
up?
[/quote]
But they WERE invited, so it's not really the truth. I don't
see any point in covering it up. I like lowspark's way of
handling it. "We were told the party was canceled." That is
the truth.
[/quote]
Both are the truth, but my opinion is that saying they weren't
invited this year sounds a tad better because nobody is being
called out. Even if they say it nicely or clueless tone, others
will draw their own conclusions since the party is obviously not
canceled. They still have to work with these people. YMMV.
#Post#: 21820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: Bales Date: December 18, 2018, 4:22 pm
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Right, just say you were told it was cancelled and then if
someone (who is not in the know) protests that it was a mistake
and re-invites them, they can politely decline.
#Post#: 21946--------------------------------------------------
Re: Taking Back an Invite - Better Way to Handle This?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: December 20, 2018, 11:12 am
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[quote author=Titanica link=topic=881.msg21796#msg21796
date=1545160354]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=881.msg21789#msg21789
date=1545154137]
Rather than throwing the administrator under the boss,
[/quote]
Best rewording of a common expression ever!
[/quote]
Oh my! That is a terrible typo I made... I am not creative
enough to be that funny normally!!! =)
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