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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 21680--------------------------------------------------
so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: Songbird
Date: December 17, 2018, 10:05 am
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So last night I had an encounter in my favorite Italian take-out
restaurant which left me feeling a bit unsettled.
This is a place I've been going to for well over 10 years. It's
located in a strip mall that used to have a supermarket.
Business has slowed since the supermarket closed due to a lack
of foot traffic. But the food is incredible, better than any of
the other local restaurants, so the loyal customers keep coming.
The employees pretty much know most of the customers.
I had a substantial order: five entrees, an appetizer and a side
dish. My daughter placed the order over the phone, then sent me
a text message listing everything that was ordered so that I
could make sure we got everything we requested (On a previous
occasion, they accidentally left out one of the items I'd
ordered, and I had to go back to retrieve it.)
It was Sunday evening, arond 8:30, so there weren't a lot of
cusotmers in the resaurant when I arrived. A middle aged woman
and her elderly mother were standing at the counter; the middle
aged woman was engaged in conversation with the man behind the
counter.
After a minute or so, he turned to me, and I said "I'm here to
pick up an order for Songbird."
He said "It's almost ready."
So I handed him my credit card.
And then the woman asked him a question. He launched into a
long story. My Spanish is a bit rusty, so I'm not sure exactly
what the sotry was about, but it clearly didn't relate to her
food order. And while he's telling this story, he's
gesticulating, waving my credit card around.
After listening for awhile, I interrupted the story. "May I have
my total, please?" I will admit, my tone of voice was a bit curt
and impatient.
The woman said, "It's my fault, i asked him a question."
I did not respond, because at that moment I was examining my
receipt to make sure my order was complete.
After I signed the receipt, he continued his story. A few
minutes later, her food order was ready. She wished the
counterman "Merry Christmas."
Then she turned to me and said "And Merry Christmas to you, too,
ma'am. Lighten up, it's the holidays."
i didn't respond.
A different employee handed my food order to me.
So...who was rude? the counterman? the other customer? me?
and how would you have handled it?
#Post#: 21683--------------------------------------------------
Re: so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: Betelnut
Date: December 17, 2018, 10:21 am
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The other customer, just a tad (she was subtly trying to tell
you that she thought you were rude...which is rude). I don't
think there was any horribly terrible etiquette on anyone's part
really.
If something like that happens again (doubtful since it was an
unusual situation), I would say, "Can I have my card back?"
since the waving around part is what would irritate me more than
anything.
#Post#: 21684--------------------------------------------------
Re: so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: Jem
Date: December 17, 2018, 10:24 am
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I think it's just a situation that was awkward. Some people are
super-relaxed and enjoy lackadaisically going about their day.
That's all fine and good, unless and until it prevents other
people from going about their day. Here I think the counterman
was rude for not handling business with you, especially because
he likely could have complete your transaction while talking
with the other woman. Just because the counterman and the other
woman were not in a rush does not mean that you were wrong for
not wanting to wait around for them to lackadaisically converse
about non-pertinent-to-the-store things.
It always makes me angry when people attempt to demean people
who are on a time-table, as though being super-laid-back is an
inherently good thing. I tend to schedule my days pretty
tightly, and it irritates me to no end when people actively try
to prevent me from going about my day. I am reminded of a time I
was behind a slow person on a wide staircase. I said, "excuse
me, I'm going to sneak by you." He refused to allow this. There
was plenty of room for me to pass him, and he was able bodied,
but he actively and deliberated blocked me from passing him by
going up in a slow zig-zag way. That kind of passive-aggressive
behavior just makes my blood boil. If you want to move slowly or
take your time smelling the flowers? Great! Go ahead and do
that! But don't make your lackadaisical attitude a problem that
prevents others from going about their day.
#Post#: 21689--------------------------------------------------
Re: so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: lowspark
Date: December 17, 2018, 10:35 am
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Yeah, I really don't like it when someone who is taking my
payment, whether it be in a restaurant or store, is having a
side conversation while doing it. I get multi-tasking, but when
my money is involved, and for that matter, taking my order or
getting it put together, or anything else which requires a bit
of concentration, I'd prefer the worker pays attention to what
they are doing.
So really, the counterman was wrong for continuing his
conversation. The other customer wasn't necessarily rude for
asking him the question, but inconsiderate maybe. But the
counterman should have said, "sorry, I'll reply when I'm done
with this customer" and then continued with doing your order.
I'm guessing that your irritation was evident which is why she
made the comment. But unless you were directly rude to her,
which I don't see here, then she needs to lighten up herself!
#Post#: 21696--------------------------------------------------
Re: so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: December 17, 2018, 11:43 am
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I've noticed in life that very often the person doing the
shouting in a situation is the one who knows they don't have a
valid argument, and so they subscribe to "attack is the best
form of defence".
I suspect she knew she was rude, but wanted you to say "oh,
that's fine", and got ruffled feathers when she had to admit to
herself that she was rude - hence the snide comment to you about
lightening up.
I think the counterman could have been more professional, and
it's possible that using a curt tone of voice provoked a
response like that, but I don't think either of you were rude;
the lady was the only one snarking here.
#Post#: 21708--------------------------------------------------
Re: so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: Thitpualso
Date: December 17, 2018, 1:39 pm
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There are people who really get into the warm, fuzzy, schmoozy
feel of the Holiday season and there are those who need to get
things done. The cashier seemed to enjoy chatting with ‘Mommi’
in a shared native language. The OP needed to get her food.
Which do you think should take preference? Of course, it should
be the person who is paying for food that has been prepared and
is ready to take home.
#Post#: 21717--------------------------------------------------
Re: so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: lowspark
Date: December 17, 2018, 2:57 pm
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--- Quote from: Thitpualso link ---
>
> There are people who really get into the warm, fuzzy, schmoozy
feel of the Holiday season and there are those who need to get
things done. The cashier seemed to enjoy chatting with ‘Mommi’
in a shared native language. The OP needed to get her food.
Which do you think should take preference? Of course, it should
be the person who is paying for food that has been prepared and
is ready to take home.
>
--- End Quote ---
Guaranteed that there are times when people who happen to not be
in a hurry today, are actually, in a hurry. Everyone is in a
hurry sometime! Putting yourself in someone's place when they
may be stressed or rushed is called empathy.
#Post#: 21720--------------------------------------------------
Re: so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: Hanna
Date: December 17, 2018, 3:23 pm
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When did telling someone to lighten up ever do anything but make
them mad?
I think she’s annoying for not just apologizing for making you
waste your time.
#Post#: 21723--------------------------------------------------
Re: so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: lakey
Date: December 17, 2018, 3:53 pm
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Decades ago, when I worked in retail, we were taught that you
deal with only one customer at a time. "Multitasking" can lead
to mistakes in the transaction. I would have been annoyed also.
#Post#: 21732--------------------------------------------------
Re: so ...who was the rude one?
DIR By: oogyda
Date: December 17, 2018, 5:55 pm
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In my opinion, once the counter person had your credit card, he
should have completed that transaction as soon as possible. He
was irresponsible for not doing that.
You *interrupted* in a tone that was curt and impatient. You
were rude.
Other customer was not rude enough to figure into this. They
originally tried to diffuse the situation by taking blame but
was ignored.
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