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#Post#: 21169--------------------------------------------------
Re: What should I have done here?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: December 11, 2018, 4:40 pm
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--- Quote ---
> If I knew ahead of time that the people doing the asking are
slowpokes about getting dinner on the table I would eat
beforehand.
--- End Quote ---
Or I might insist on bringing appetizers of some sort, even if
I'd just chips and guac from the corner deli.
(if you have a corner deli; not every locality does)
#Post#: 21213--------------------------------------------------
Re: What should I have done here?
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: December 12, 2018, 4:58 am
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We go for an annual meal prepared by a friend, and after the
first few times of "7 for 7.30" when we didn't eat till much
later*, we started to have a snack just before going...
Then we started eating a full meal just before going: that way
we weren't hungry, and could cope with a late meal. It felt
rude to take only small portions after the cook had gone to so
much effort, but neither of us cope well with eating the main
course at midnight.
* The worst time I remember was starving till the really late
people rocked up at 10.30pm, then nibbles started to materialise
about 15 minutes after their arrival; we left about 2am, and so
missed out on the desserts. :'(
We realised that if the host was prepared to be polite to the
rude people at the expense of being rude to the polite people,
we weren't being too rude to show up without much of an
appetite. :-[
We got caught out the year the host didn't wait the meal for the
"Tardies", and we were particularly happy he'd stopped doing
that this year - someone telephoned Mr Tardy after we'd finished
the main course, to find that they were coming the following
week! I foresee a large helping of ribbing in their future. ;)
I have an ex-boyfriend who prepared 'dinner' for me; I was
nearly at the point of screaming at him to "hurry the eff up" by
the time it materialised at 4am!
TL;DR: be as late as you like serving food, but don't expect
people to have an appetite/be happy when it doesn't arrive in a
timely fashion.
#Post#: 21227--------------------------------------------------
Re: What should I have done here?
DIR By: Writer of Wrongs
Date: December 12, 2018, 8:20 am
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Miriam - 10:30 p.m.? Midnight? Dessert after 2 a.m.? Dinner at 4
a.m.? :o I can't imagine - but I don't eat anything after 9
p.m. (preferably no later than 8:30) and try to be asleep at 10.
Was this in a group consisting of mostly night-workers, or some
similar dynamic? E.g., I can see this happening for theatre or
music folks, since their work doesn't end until quite late, but
for the average office-type I would find this incredibly unusual
and difficult.
#Post#: 21232--------------------------------------------------
Re: What should I have done here?
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: December 12, 2018, 8:47 am
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--- Quote from: Writer of Wrongs link ---
>
> Miriam - 10:30 p.m.? Midnight? Dessert after 2 a.m.? Dinner at
4 a.m.? :o I can't imagine - but I don't eat anything after 9
p.m. (preferably no later than 8:30) and try to be asleep at 10.
>
> Was this in a group consisting of mostly night-workers, or
some similar dynamic? E.g., I can see this happening for theatre
or music folks, since their work doesn't end until quite late,
but for the average office-type I would find this incredibly
unusual and difficult.
>
--- End Quote ---
Nope, just a bunch of hopelessly British people. Even the
Tardies are British, just less worried about whether people will
think them rude for being rude. ::)
It's a hopeless trait that we'd hate to ask something as direct
as "may we eat, in the absence of two guests who are known for
poor timekeeping?". Much better that the stiff upper lip
suffers in silence? ::)
The 'dinner at 4am' ex is an ex for that reason. I think
cannabis use may have contributed to his 'relaxedness'. :-[
#Post#: 21332--------------------------------------------------
Re: What should I have done here?
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: December 12, 2018, 8:48 pm
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I have a friend from Brazil, and she tells me that in her
country, when you're invited for dinner at 6pm you never show up
before 8pm and don't expect to eat immediately. She said that
if you showed up at 6pm you'd likely find that the hostess was
just starting to get showered and dressed. She and her husband
went to graduate school in the US, and he got used to the way
most people in the US will say "dinner at 6pm" and eat soon
after. When they went back to Brazil on their next visit, and
he was ready to got to a party at the stated starting time, she
reminded him that he was back on Brazilian time now and to wait
a couple of hours.
An American friend invited me to her family's annual New Year's
festival, which was held on the New Year (in late winter, as I
recall) as celebrated in her husband's Persian culture. She
said the party started at 7pm and there would be lots of
home-cooked food, prepared by her husband. We arrived on time
and the house smelled fabulous (we happened to love Persian
food). By the time dinner was finally served, around midnight,
I thought I'd faint from hunger. I think it must have been the
custom to welcome in the new year with a feast at the start of
the year at midnight, but we weren't informed of how late we'd
be eating. The food was totally fabulous and worth the wait.
(Here's a bit of info on this holiday: "Nowruz, the Persian and
Zoroastrian New Year... For Iranians, the 13-day festivities —
Nowruz, also spelled Nerwoz or Noroz, translates to "new day" in
Farsi — begin at the exact moment that spring starts."
#Post#: 21515--------------------------------------------------
Re: What should I have done here?
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: December 14, 2018, 10:01 pm
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I think the hosts in the OP were definitely rude, for not
offering her any refreshments in the first hour, and
dilly-dallying with cooking the actual dinner! I can't blame the
OP at all for being "hangry"!
That said, it sounds like this is just how the hosts roll. And
it does seem a little abrupt for the OP to just get up and leave
after an hour. (Although I can certainly understand her
frustration).
Going forward, I would only accept invitations from these people
if I was happy with hanging around and socialising for hours on
end. (Which for me, having a 9-5 Monday to Friday job, would
mean in practical terms that I'd only accept invitations from
them on weekends). And I'd definitely eat something substantial
earlier, so I wasn't left hungry!
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