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#Post#: 21776--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: gramma dishes Date: December 18, 2018, 10:20 am
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[quote author=Winterlight link=topic=863.msg21749#msg21749
date=1545115059]
[quote author=VorFemme link=topic=863.msg21588#msg21588
date=1544920178]
Social cues are very important - but it seems more & more like
"the younger generation" who were raised by electronic devices
(not wolves) just don't get the social cues.
[/quote]
I'm not sure what "the younger generation" have to do with this-
the man in question is 62. That's more than old enough to
grasp, "Do not hug me."
If anything, the younger generation is getting better at
spotting inappropriate behavior and calling it out.
[/quote]
I'm not sure they're better at spotting it, but at least they're
less afraid to call it out. 'Back in the day' we'd have been
more afraid of losing our jobs for voicing an objection.
#Post#: 21785--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: Aleko Date: December 18, 2018, 10:58 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]I'm not sure they're better at spotting it, but at least
they're less afraid to call it out. 'Back in the day' we'd have
been more afraid of losing our jobs for voicing an objection.
[/quote]
These days you might not fear losing your job, but you
definitely would fear simply never progressing in it. Suppose
you were new at Ted Baker. The Big Boss comes in and they
introduce you: 'This is Tracey, our new sales trainee'. He says
'Hi, Tracey!' and advances to envelop you in a hug. Are you
going to step back smartly and say 'No thank you, Mr Kelvin'?
#Post#: 21963--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: Twik Date: December 20, 2018, 2:14 pm
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The trouble with hugs is that there are plenty of people, male
and female, I'd enjoy getting a friendly hug from. There are
also people that the very thought makes me go "Ick!" because I
know they'll find some way to turn it into a grope, or worse.
And I really wouldn't want to explain in a workplace why I'll
happily accept a hug from nice Mr. Jones, but will straight-arm
Mr. Smith into the next office if he tries.
Which is a shame, but the blame, if any, is on the people who
have used hugging as a way to get their jollies.
#Post#: 21965--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: guest725 Date: December 20, 2018, 3:17 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=863.msg21785#msg21785
date=1545152333]
[quote]I'm not sure they're better at spotting it, but at least
they're less afraid to call it out. 'Back in the day' we'd have
been more afraid of losing our jobs for voicing an objection.
[/quote]
These days you might not fear losing your job, but you
definitely would fear simply never progressing in it. Suppose
you were new at Ted Baker. The Big Boss comes in and they
introduce you: 'This is Tracey, our new sales trainee'. He says
'Hi, Tracey!' and advances to envelop you in a hug. Are you
going to step back smartly and say 'No thank you, Mr Kelvin'?
[/quote]
If some man I'd never met, regardless of him being my new boss,
tried to envelope me in a hug you bet I'd react. I don't know
exactly how that reaction would manifest itself because I would
be taken by surprise, but no way in hell would I let him hug me
on our first meeting. It's incredibly inappropriate and I can't
believe you think it would be okay.
#Post#: 21969--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: guest657 Date: December 20, 2018, 3:36 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=puppylove link=topic=863.msg21965#msg21965
date=1545340675]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=863.msg21785#msg21785
date=1545152333]
[quote]I'm not sure they're better at spotting it, but at least
they're less afraid to call it out. 'Back in the day' we'd have
been more afraid of losing our jobs for voicing an objection.
[/quote]
These days you might not fear losing your job, but you
definitely would fear simply never progressing in it. Suppose
you were new at Ted Baker. The Big Boss comes in and they
introduce you: 'This is Tracey, our new sales trainee'. He says
'Hi, Tracey!' and advances to envelop you in a hug. Are you
going to step back smartly and say 'No thank you, Mr Kelvin'?
[/quote]
If some man I'd never met, regardless of him being my new boss,
tried to envelope me in a hug you bet I'd react. I don't know
exactly how that reaction would manifest itself because I would
be taken by surprise, but no way in hell would I let him hug me
on our first meeting. It's incredibly inappropriate and I can't
believe you think it would be okay.
[/quote]
Aleko didn't say it was okay, but that many people would be too
intimidated -- or surprised and bewildered -- to refuse. That's
the opposite of thinking it was okay. It's the very reason why
bosses shouldn't do it.
Power and gender dynamics matter, as well as who initiates it.
If an employee feels personally close to their supervisor and
initiates a hug, that's an entirely different dynamic from the
company owner demanding one from entry-level employees.
#Post#: 24596--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: BeagleMommy Date: January 24, 2019, 3:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
About 5 years ago we had a situation like this at my university.
A security guard noticed a student was teary-eyed and asked if
she was okay. She mentioned getting a failing grade. He hugged
her. He was terminated because the student reported him for
"inappropriate contact".
I just don't think hugging in a workplace is appropriate unless
it is with a family member or really close friend.
#Post#: 24640--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: January 25, 2019, 11:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Where I work, there are a lot of long time associates. Some are
huggers, some are not. We have been known to hug, just a a
friendly gesture, and nothing sexual. Some are just a step up
the ladder, others are a little higher up the ladder.
I think, depending on the area you work in, and how long you
work with someone, a hug on a bad day is comforting. We also
know how to respect each others boundries, which I think helps.
We know who is not a hugger at all, no matter who you are, and
they are not offended by this.
I've been close with assistant managers, and those are side
hugs, in a friendly gesture.
That being said, if it's just one person being hugged, and not
any one else, that can be a little weird for the rest of the
crew.
#Post#: 24702--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: TootsNYC Date: January 26, 2019, 12:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Winterlight link=topic=863.msg21749#msg21749
date=1545115059]
[quote author=VorFemme link=topic=863.msg21588#msg21588
date=1544920178]
Social cues are very important - but it seems more & more like
"the younger generation" who were raised by electronic devices
(not wolves) just don't get the social cues.
[/quote]
I'm not sure what "the younger generation" have to do with this-
the man in question is 62. That's more than old enough to
grasp, "Do not hug me."
If anything, the younger generation is getting better at
spotting inappropriate behavior and calling it out.
[/quote]
I agree. And boy, do I hate the "the younger generation" sort of
generalities. They're just not accurate, and they really derail
things.
#Post#: 24743--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: January 27, 2019, 10:55 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=863.msg24702#msg24702
date=1548528094]
[quote author=Winterlight link=topic=863.msg21749#msg21749
date=1545115059]
[quote author=VorFemme link=topic=863.msg21588#msg21588
date=1544920178]
Social cues are very important - but it seems more & more like
"the younger generation" who were raised by electronic devices
(not wolves) just don't get the social cues.
[/quote]
I'm not sure what "the younger generation" have to do with this-
the man in question is 62. That's more than old enough to
grasp, "Do not hug me."
If anything, the younger generation is getting better at
spotting inappropriate behavior and calling it out.
[/quote]
The younger ones are more apt to say something if it's
inappropriate, because they were taught to stand up for
themselves, while most of the older ones were taught to stay
quiet.
I agree. And boy, do I hate the "the younger generation" sort of
generalities. They're just not accurate, and they really derail
things.
[/quote]
#Post#: 24745--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: gramma dishes Date: January 27, 2019, 12:09 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=863.msg24596#msg24596
date=1548364886]
... A security guard noticed a student was teary-eyed and asked
if she was okay. She mentioned getting a failing grade. He
hugged her. He was terminated because the student reported him
for "inappropriate contact". ... [/quote]
Okay, obviously he shouldn't have touched her, but I have to
wonder if the hug itself really was of an 'inappropriate''
nature? A full frontal hard hug that he pulled her into, or a
very gentle shoulder squeeze type hug that any of us might offer
a friend or acquaintance who was feeling down about something?
I absolutely believe that inappropriate behavior should be
reported and that there should be consequences, but I do worry a
bit that some people might be carrying things just a wee bit too
far.
We are already in a situation where because so much
"socializing" seems to take place on people's iPhones people
rarely even converse directly face to face with one another,
much less show those normal and natural small physical signs of
affection. I guess it's necessary for people to protect
themselves, but it just seems so sad.
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