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#Post#: 21258--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: STiG Date: December 12, 2018, 11:20 am
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The day my mother died, I dropped into work to wrap up a couple
of things, including making sure my attendance was entered so I
could be properly paid, because I knew I was going to be off for
at least a week. My supervisor gave me a big hug; it was part
of the reason I went in because I knew I'd get that hug. I
needed it that day.
I've never hugged my current supervisors but in a similar
situation? I wouldn't be surprised if I got a hug from either
or both of them.
The circumstances described in the OP? Absolutely, hugs should
not be given. But I won't say that hugs should be forbidden in
the workplace. There's a time and a place and relationship
between the two parties that can make it appropriate.
#Post#: 21265--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: Victoria Date: December 12, 2018, 11:41 am
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[quote author=Kiwipinball link=topic=863.msg21191#msg21191
date=1544581124]
[quote author=Victoria link=topic=863.msg21068#msg21068
date=1544479227]
[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=863.msg20977#msg20977
date=1544301789]
I can’t imagine being hugged by any of my bosses - frankly the
thought of it squicks me out.
I’ve tried to think what context this would be okay - small
startup, family-owned and operated - but still no, it’s still
unprofessional and still icky.
[/quote]
IMO this would be even worse since there's so much less
separation between employees, and fewer chances to complain
without fear of retaliation.
[/quote]
Well if your boss is your mom or sister or aunt or something
(male relatives too, but I've decided to assume the boss is a
woman) it could be fine but otherwise, not so much.
[/quote]
Oh definitely, I agree with you if it's your family. I was
thinking of the "family owned" businesses back in my hometown
that had a few family members with a handful of other employees
who weren't family. As in, if Boss Mom inappropriately hugs
Unrelated Employee, then Unrelated Employee isn't going to feel
comfortable going to Human Resources if that's just Boss Mom's
Brother, or even their supervisor if that's Boss Mom's Daughter.
#Post#: 21274--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: JeanFromBNA Date: December 12, 2018, 12:27 pm
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I hugged an employee once in 17 years. He was working in a town
about 40 miles away when an F3 tornado developed. We had kept in
touch by phone about the poor weather conditions, and I watched
on live TV as the tornado moved right through where he was
supposed to be. I was sick to my stomach with worry. He couldn't
call me until he left because cell phone towers went down in the
area. When he came in, I hugged him because I was so grateful
that he was okay.
#Post#: 21312--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: Copper Horsewoman Date: December 12, 2018, 5:30 pm
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[quote author=JeanFromBNA link=topic=863.msg21274#msg21274
date=1544639257]
I hugged an employee once in 17 years. He was working in a town
about 40 miles away when an F3 tornado developed. We had kept in
touch by phone about the poor weather conditions, and I watched
on live TV as the tornado moved right through where he was
supposed to be. I was sick to my stomach with worry. He couldn't
call me until he left because cell phone towers went down in the
area. When he came in, I hugged him because I was so grateful
that he was okay.
[/quote]
Perfectly understandable, and a one-off situation (like the
poster who lost her mom) is going to be very different from
getting hugged regularly. I had reason to visit a family-owned
business that I once worked for, and I know the whole family. I
greeted all of them warmly, but the woman who was once my direct
boss did hug me warmly. I would have felt weird if her
son-in-law (also one of my supervisors) had tried to do so.
#Post#: 21321--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: Winterlight Date: December 12, 2018, 7:40 pm
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[quote author=Thitpualso link=topic=863.msg20989#msg20989
date=1544314823]
In the articles cited Ray Kelvin said that he hugged his
employees because he had arthritis and shaking hands was
painful. Did he ever consider that some of his employees may
have back problems that make hugging painful? Others may have
an aversion to being touched, let alone hugged by people they
don’t know well. In most professional situations a nod and a
smile will work just fine if the handshake is declined.
Anything that employees must do apart from good attendance and
proper performance of job duties becomes coercion and should not
be part of a workplace ‘culture’.
[/quote]
I intensely dislike being hugged by people who are not intimates
of mine. Even a former boss, of whom I'm quite fond, is not on
hugging terms with me, and that's fine. It's like hand-kissing-
it suggests a level of intimacy/social function that is not part
of most workplaces.
#Post#: 21462--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: bopper Date: December 14, 2018, 10:34 am
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If he wants to be informal,he can do fist bumps
#Post#: 21560--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: VorFemme Date: December 15, 2018, 10:50 am
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Actually - I don't mind fist bumps from male or female bosses -
as long as they're not to someplace that hurts, like a sunburn.
#Post#: 21564--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: Hanna Date: December 15, 2018, 1:14 pm
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Meh, people that are close hug and sometimes cheek kiss at my
company (which is not small or family owned). We sometimes go
long periods without seeing one another and are happy to be
together when we do. It’s nice actually. It’s easy enough to
avoid if you don’t like it.
I get that it’s not for everyone but I don’t think there is a
one size fits all rule about it being unacceptable. Know your
audience, pay attention to social queues and be direct if you
don’t like it. Anyone that ignores social queues and direct
push back is a creepster anyway, so banning everyone from doing
this one thing isn’t going to prevent the creepster from being
creepy.
#Post#: 21588--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: VorFemme Date: December 15, 2018, 6:29 pm
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Social cues are very important - but it seems more & more like
"the younger generation" who were raised by electronic devices
(not wolves) just don't get the social cues.
#Post#: 21749--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why a boss should not hug his subordinates, ever
By: Winterlight Date: December 18, 2018, 12:37 am
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[quote author=VorFemme link=topic=863.msg21588#msg21588
date=1544920178]
Social cues are very important - but it seems more & more like
"the younger generation" who were raised by electronic devices
(not wolves) just don't get the social cues.
[/quote]
I'm not sure what "the younger generation" have to do with this-
the man in question is 62. That's more than old enough to
grasp, "Do not hug me."
If anything, the younger generation is getting better at
spotting inappropriate behavior and calling it out.
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