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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 435--------------------------------------------------
Nephew's Wedding
By: Amara Date: May 14, 2018, 12:06 am
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I was shocked to receive an e-vite this evening that one of my
two nephews is getting married. I never expected it--when did he
grow up?--but here it is. We are not close but there is no
toxicity nor any bad or even ambiguous feelings of any kind.
It's just that I've just never been close with his father, my
brother or my SIL, though I know they are good people.
I live in California, he lives in Colorado. I cannot afford to
attend but I do want to support him. He and his bride are
getting married in a Hindu temple--I think she might be Indian
per her name--and I would like to send something. I think a
beautiful card would be nice and maybe a small gift. They are in
their twenties. I know nothing about her, alas, and not much
about his interests. Does anyone have any ideas or thoughts? Are
there things I should avoid given her cultural background?
Thanks for the help.
#Post#: 437--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nephew's Wedding
By: guest158 Date: May 14, 2018, 12:11 am
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Have they registered? That would be the easiest option - give a
gift they have stated they would like.
#Post#: 441--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nephew's Wedding
By: Amara Date: May 14, 2018, 12:19 am
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I just looked at the invitation again. There is no information
about any lists or registrations. I can call my brother but I
thought I'd see if anyone here had any ideas.
(By the way, the invitation is beautifully designed. Someone
spent some serious time on this. The wedding is on a Wednesday
morning, the reception on a Thursday afternoon. Attire is formal
for the wedding and "beach formal" for the reception; I have no
idea what beach formal means.)
#Post#: 442--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nephew's Wedding
By: guest158 Date: May 14, 2018, 12:23 am
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Isn't it the case that as per USA etiquette such information
absolutely would not be on the invitation?
Its hard to make recommendations when all you have is 'bride is
likely Hindu' but I've always been fond of fancy bath towels.
Its the sort of thing that newlyweds often don't have the money
to splurge on and it would be hard to offend someone with that
type of gift.
#Post#: 467--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nephew's Wedding
By: Pattycake Date: May 14, 2018, 9:03 am
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[quote author=Usernamehere link=topic=86.msg442#msg442
date=1526275416]
Isn't it the case that as per USA etiquette such information
absolutely would not be on the invitation?
Its hard to make recommendations when all you have is 'bride is
likely Hindu' but I've always been fond of fancy bath towels.
Its the sort of thing that newlyweds often don't have the money
to splurge on and it would be hard to offend someone with that
type of gift.
[/quote]
While the bolded is true, it is often absolutely ignored! And
really, it doesn't matter what the bride is, she's still a
bride, and young so I think any typical newlywed type stuff
would suit. And since OP doesn't live where they do, I would
suggest a gift card to some place like Bed, Bath, and Beyond
#Post#: 483--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nephew's Wedding
By: guest4 Date: May 14, 2018, 10:48 am
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I'm not sure what it means either but I think the fancy bath
towels along with some beach towels would be nice. Or, if that's
not your cup of tea and there's no registry after you speak with
your brother, I would send a check or gift cards. Heck, since
the invite was an e-vite, why not an e-gift card? That way you
know it got there, they can spend it how they want, and it's a
win-win.
#Post#: 538--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nephew's Wedding
By: Bada Date: May 14, 2018, 2:38 pm
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I've gone searching for registries in the past, with some luck.
There aren't too many places to check. I'd look at:
Bed bath and beyond
Target
Macy's
Those are all that's popping to mind.
I liked getting monogrammed items with my new initial, but that
only works if you know she's taking his name. (My MIL got us a
cutting board with our last name and a tree etched into the
wood; we use it as a trivet and it's lovely).
#Post#: 557--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nephew's Wedding
By: Miki Date: May 14, 2018, 3:37 pm
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Cash or gift cards are always safe, but if you're the type who
likes to send gifts, here's some generic ideas that are often
very useful:
Tea or coffee assortments with a couple nice mugs (Amazon is my
go-to place for this stuff)
A picnic basket (we do this a lot in CO and useful in summer)
A canister filled with high end utensils
A picture frame (keep this simple in the sense you don't want a
lot of color, but rather a nice neutral finish)
#Post#: 586--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nephew's Wedding
By: Amara Date: May 14, 2018, 5:13 pm
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I have decided!
I heard from my brother that Chris, his son, was accepted into a
PhD program and they are moving there after the wedding. So they
are in the process of shedding almost everything they own for
the move. He suggested an Amazon gift card to allow them to buy
what they will need after they arrive. So that is it. Not my
favorite thing to gift but entirely practical and preferred.
#Post#: 615--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nephew's Wedding
By: Gellchom Date: May 14, 2018, 7:53 pm
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Whoops! Our posts crossed. So I am modifying to add that it
sounds like a great solution under the circumstances.
You could also wait until they move and send a gift then, if
you'd prefer not to send a gift card. It's okay to send a gift
after the wedding (and in this case it sounds like it would be
preferable).
Anyway, in case it helps anyone else, here's what I had written:
***
Those are all good gift ideas. But I would start a step back.
This post makes me think of something I learned on the old
board: gifts have many functions, and one of them is building a
relationship.
So I would start there, and decide what you want this gift to
mean.
You say you aren't close with your brother and his family, and
that's fine -- you don't have to be. But I also noticed you say
there's no toxicity or problems to speak of. And there was no
need to mention the relationship if it didn't matter to you, so
I am wondering if at some level it does.
So I'd give some thought to what you want the relationship with
your nephew (and perhaps your brother) to be in the future.
Maybe he feels you are special to him just because you're his
aunt, even though he doesn't know you well.
You definitely don't have to want a closer relationship with him
or his family. But if you think you might, someday if not now,
take that into account when you choose your gift. I don't mean
that it has to be more expensive. But you might want something
more enduring or personal than you might for a friend's child's
wedding. I wouldn't do a gift card, for example, and if your
budget is small, I wouldn't send a check -- I'd get something
like a beautiful frame, a pitcher, or candlesticks for the same
amount of money.
There is nothing wrong with cash or gift cards, but somehow for
a nephew, even if there isn't much of a relationship, I'd want
it to be a little different from a gift for a co-worker or
something. Just my personal gut feeling; no etiquette issue.
It's nice of you to give a thought to cultural background to
avoid inadvertent offense, but I think you're on safe ground
with any typical wedding gift item.
You can also take a look at their registry to get an idea of
their style. You don't have to choose your gift from that list,
but it is good to see their tastes and also what they will
probably be getting from others (like, if they've registered 6
frames, I wouldn't choose a 7th; I'd either get one of those or
choose something else).
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