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#Post#: 20761--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: LifeOnPluto Date: December 5, 2018, 5:01 am
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I find this very odd and controlling behaviour. If the genders
were reversed, I also think perhaps it would seem way more
concerning.
I'm sorry that this is happening, OP, and I hope your BIL
manages to call your son or otherwise get in touch.
#Post#: 20811--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: Despedina Date: December 5, 2018, 2:04 pm
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Thanks for all the comments. I don't think we worry much about
BIL and Fiance. DH tries to touch base about once a month. He
feels that's enough. More than half the time he doesn't get a
response. In the back of my head I think this will all become a
mess and although I'd like to avoid it I'm not sure how to do
that right now.
As far as the communication, I was more concerned this time
because my son asked to speak to his uncle and invite him to his
crossover which only happens once in a lifetime for a boy.
I was thinking of a super polite way to message Fiance last
night and meant to discuss with DH but time got away from me. I
remembered this morning and I brought it up and he mentioned
that he had messaged BIL again yesterday at lunch asking for BIL
to respond (I think he even worded it that BIL should at least
tell him to buzz off because I think he's a little irked about
the lack of responses). BIL did finally text back around
midnight last night. DH had not yet responded but was going to
respond that he would like a phone call. At this point he's not
sure who's texting any more.
#Post#: 20820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: Star Wars Fan Date: December 5, 2018, 4:07 pm
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I'm sorry I don't have any advice (I'm not sure what I'd do in
this situation) but I do think your brother-in-law's fiancée
sounds very controlling. And that's all kinds of wrong I think.
I'm sorry to say I don't think you all should expect to see or
hear very much of him after they're married.
Ed.
#Post#: 20824--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: Despedina Date: December 5, 2018, 4:27 pm
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[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=853.msg20820#msg20820
date=1544047661]
I'm sorry I don't have any advice (I'm not sure what I'd do in
this situation) but I do think your brother-in-law's fiancée
sounds very controlling. And that's all kinds of wrong I think.
I'm sorry to say I don't think you all should expect to see or
hear very much of him after they're married.
Ed.
[/quote]
Yes that thought has crossed our minds. It just doesn't make
sense otherwise. He and his family were close and he's had other
girlfriends and he still stayed in touch. With this one he moved
close to her family when they moved in together and they will
drive across the state to visit her family and friends but
rarely does he visit his mom and even more rarely calls his
brothers. Even when MIL paid for a big weeklong family vacation
they only would stay 2 days and went back. No know knew until
they got there that that was happening and we had planned the
vacation for over a year. Extra expense went into making sure
they had their own bedroom and bathroom as requested by Fiance.
Thankfully MIL was not upset by it. There's really nothing to
do about it. I just hope he doesn't get into a marriage that he
changes his mind about but that is his issue.
#Post#: 20837--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: gramma dishes Date: December 5, 2018, 7:57 pm
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[quote author=Despedina link=topic=853.msg20824#msg20824
date=1544048854]
... I just hope he doesn't get into a marriage that he changes
his mind about but that is his issue.
[/quote]
I hope he changes his mind BEFORE the marriage!
#Post#: 20847--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: HenrysMom Date: December 5, 2018, 8:39 pm
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My brother’s wife was like that - everything was about her and
her family, if my mother and father wanted to see him or the
grandkids on holidays, they had to make the trek all the way
down the peninsula to her parents home. Even when my mother was
in her last illness, he couldn’t visit her in the hospital
without her calling him on his cell, telling him he needed to
get back because of blah blah(some specious reason). My older
sister told him that his grown son could get to his own golf
lesson (one reason), he needed to be with his very ill mother.
A few months after Mother died, he visited me and, in talking,
expressed regret that he wasn’t able to spend more time with
her. I told him “woulda coulda shoulda” and that it was his own
fault for listening to his wife rather than getting a clue with
his own eyes.
#Post#: 20950--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: Star Wars Fan Date: December 7, 2018, 9:12 pm
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HenrysMom I've known more than one married couple (sometimes
even in my own family) where one spouse or the other makes it
all about their own family and the other spouse's family gets
left out and rarely sees them. But I've never been able to think
of a way to try and talk with people about the problem without
it causing a huge fight and a lot of anger and resentment and
hurt feelings. I don't think there is one.
Ed.
#Post#: 20959--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: Lilac Date: December 8, 2018, 4:08 am
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In your husband’s shoes I would bow out. If his brother can’t do
him the courtesy of keeping in touch, what’s the point of being
a bit player in a wedding pageant?
#Post#: 20978--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: HenrysMom Date: December 8, 2018, 2:52 pm
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[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=853.msg20950#msg20950
date=1544238748]
HenrysMom I've known more than one married couple (sometimes
even in my own family) where one spouse or the other makes it
all about their own family and the other spouse's family gets
left out and rarely sees them. But I've never been able to think
of a way to try and talk with people about the problem without
it causing a huge fight and a lot of anger and resentment and
hurt feelings. I don't think there is one.
Ed.
[/quote]
You’re right - there isn’t a good way to come out and say it.
The reason why I up and told my brother what I thought is
because Mother wasn’t around anymore to tell me not to make
waves. Since I rarely saw/see my brother anyway, I had nothing
to lose or gain, so why not the truth?
Taking it back to OP’s situation, there isn’t anything you or
your DH can do about it. BIL is a big boy, and he is allowing
this to happen. I would certainly reconsider being in the
wedding though.
#Post#: 21035--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trying to get hold of BIL but his fiance keeps his phone
By: Despedina Date: December 10, 2018, 10:46 am
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Hi All, I do need to give a little bit of an update. So last
communication was that DH had asked BIL to call him (since he
wasn't sure who was texting). The texter responded a few more
times spelling my son's name wrong each time. BIL knows how to
spell son's name so we knew it probably wasn't BIL responding.
DH finally said that he would like a phone call and even said he
wasn't sure who was responding. At that point Fiance responded
admitting it was her and saying that BIL was napping and she was
taking care of his phone business.
BIL finally called Saturday evening. He said they are coming to
my son's crossover and I'm not sure what all they spoke about
but BIL tried to justify Fiance using his phone. DH said it
wasn't any of his business however he didn't feel comfortable
texting or emailing (they share an email address also which is a
combo of their names (Think "Bennifer" or
"Brangelina"@yahoo.com) because sometimes he just wanted to have
conversations with just BIL and he was never sure who he was
communicating with.
BIL at some point in the conversation mentioned that he knew he
didn't invite us to his holiday party (happening on Sunday) and
extended an invite. We declined mostly because its such late
notice.
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