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#Post#: 20598--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her. UPDATE
DIR By: Jem
Date: December 3, 2018, 8:11 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: GardenGal link ---
>
> Hi again- good news! My BFF brought up the possibility her
and her boyfriend moving into our apartment and I told her that
DH and I had thought more about it and that it wouldn't be
possible for the reasons I mentioned above, and she was
perfectly understanding about it. She asked with a grin if she
might move there "when he dies" (he's 75), and I told her of
course! So, all's well.
>
> Thanks for your replies.
>
--- End Quote ---
Wait....what? So you told her in no uncertain terms that your
stated reasons were not the "real" reasons but it was instead
her boyfriend? And she was okay with this?
Plenty of people live well into their 90s. My sister's
grandfather-in-law lived to be 108. ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT!!!!!!
#Post#: 20600--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her. UPDATE
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: December 3, 2018, 8:37 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
> [quote author=GardenGal link=topic=850.msg20587#msg20587
date=1543829224]
> Hi again- good news! My BFF brought up the possibility her
and her boyfriend moving into our apartment and I told her that
DH and I had thought more about it and that it wouldn't be
possible for the reasons I mentioned above, and she was
perfectly understanding about it. She asked with a grin if she
might move there "when he dies" (he's 75), and I told her of
course! So, all's well.
>
> Thanks for your replies.
>
--- End Quote ---
Wait, he's 75 and you think it's wrong for him to be not working
full time and to be hanging out at the house and playing on the
internet? Shoot, that's what most of the 75 year olds I know do!
[/quote]
I'm not the OP, but he would be 59 years old 16 years ago. I
guess the OP is thinking about the entire 16 years of behavior.
Still, one does not invite only half of a couple and I can't
imagine what the OP's DH was thinking.
#Post#: 20605--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her.
DIR By: Bada
Date: December 3, 2018, 9:24 am
---------------------------------------------------------
It sounds like your BFF knows you well enough to know you're not
a fan of her guy without you needing to say it. Which is a sign
of a really good relationship between you two, I think.
It also sounds like this guy is happy to be living The Retired
Life without having any retirement income other than what he
mooches off your friend. I get being annoyed by that.
#Post#: 20610--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her. UPDATE
DIR By: wolfie
Date: December 3, 2018, 11:21 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Rose Red link ---
>
> [quote author=Hmmm link=topic=850.msg20597#msg20597
date=1543846051]
> [quote author=GardenGal link=topic=850.msg20587#msg20587
date=1543829224]
> Hi again- good news! My BFF brought up the possibility her
and her boyfriend moving into our apartment and I told her that
DH and I had thought more about it and that it wouldn't be
possible for the reasons I mentioned above, and she was
perfectly understanding about it. She asked with a grin if she
might move there "when he dies" (he's 75), and I told her of
course! So, all's well.
>
> Thanks for your replies.
>
--- End Quote ---
Wait, he's 75 and you think it's wrong for him to be not working
full time and to be hanging out at the house and playing on the
internet? Shoot, that's what most of the 75 year olds I know do!
[/quote]
I'm not the OP, but he would be 59 years old 16 years ago. I
guess the OP is thinking about the entire 16 years of behavior.
Still, one does not invite only half of a couple and I can't
imagine what the OP's DH was thinking.
[/quote]
59... which is 5 years past "conventional" retirement age. I
know people who plan to retire by then.
#Post#: 20612--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her.
DIR By: Jem
Date: December 3, 2018, 11:47 am
---------------------------------------------------------
How does the OP know the BFF and her BF’s finances? A
75-year-old man not working does not mean he is not contributing
financially and self-supporting.
#Post#: 20631--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her.
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: December 3, 2018, 2:57 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Kiwipinball link ---
>
> It seems odd to be surprised that she assumed the invitation
included her partner she's been living with for 16 years. It
would be bad etiquette to invite her to a wedding without him,
there is no nice way to invite her to move without him. I agree
with a white lie if necessary.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yeah, I'm not sure why your DH thought she'd move without that
guy.
Unless there were inklings that she was thinking of breaking up?
Or was she using a lot of "I" language, which made him think she
was moving out on the guy? I know that I was really puzzled once
when the wife of the couple we bought our apartment from kept
saying "my insurance guy" instead of "our." But she did all the
work for that business relationship and was really the sole
decision maker on it; if this guy's a user, then the BFF is
probably just used to thinking alone, even if she is dragging
the guy with her.
And there is TOTALLY room to say, "no, after all, we don't want
to do that." She left lots of room open for you guys to change
your mind.
Just say you think it's better not to mess up this long
friendship with a landlord/tenant relationship. And that you're
probably not going to get the thing finished in time.
#Post#: 20632--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her.
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: December 3, 2018, 3:01 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> How does the OP know the BFF and her BF’s finances? A
75-year-old man not working does not mean he is not contributing
financially and self-supporting.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yeah, my dad is 84 and not working, and he still has an income
in the single-digit thousands each month. This guy apparently
was working when they met.
Now, maybe our OP knows that he's not contributing any money to
the rent, etc., because of her relationship with the BFF.
#Post#: 20651--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her. UPDATE
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: December 3, 2018, 6:58 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
> [quote author=GardenGal link=topic=850.msg20587#msg20587
date=1543829224]
> Hi again- good news! My BFF brought up the possibility her
and her boyfriend moving into our apartment and I told her that
DH and I had thought more about it and that it wouldn't be
possible for the reasons I mentioned above, and she was
perfectly understanding about it. She asked with a grin if she
might move there "when he dies" (he's 75), and I told her of
course! So, all's well.
>
> Thanks for your replies.
>
--- End Quote ---
Wait, he's 75 and you think it's wrong for him to be not working
full time and to be hanging out at the house and playing on the
internet? Shoot, that's what most of the 75 year olds I know do!
[/quote]
He was in his 50s when they met and pretty much stopped working
as soon as he realized she'd support him, only a couple of years
after they met.
#Post#: 20654--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her. UPDATE
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: December 3, 2018, 7:03 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> [quote author=GardenGal link=topic=850.msg20587#msg20587
date=1543829224]
> Hi again- good news! My BFF brought up the possibility her
and her boyfriend moving into our apartment and I told her that
DH and I had thought more about it and that it wouldn't be
possible for the reasons I mentioned above, and she was
perfectly understanding about it. She asked with a grin if she
might move there "when he dies" (he's 75), and I told her of
course! So, all's well.
>
> Thanks for your replies.
>
--- End Quote ---
Wait....what? So you told her in no uncertain terms that your
stated reasons were not the "real" reasons but it was instead
her boyfriend? And she was okay with this?
Plenty of people live well into their 90s. My sister's
grandfather-in-law lived to be 108. ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT!!!!!!
[/quote]
No, not at all - maybe I didn't explain well enough. My stated
reasons are, indeed, absolutely true, and DH and I would have
been willing to take a chance on having her move into the
apartment, even if it cost more to create than we originally
thought (which it would, since we thought more about plumbing
and electrical issues). Our reasons are totally legitimate and
realistic. She's the one who cheerfully brought up (perhaps
mostly in jest) moving here after her boyfriend dies, we never
said one word about him. And of course I don't hope he dies
soon - I just hope she decides she's had enough of his endless
mooching and leaves him soon.
#Post#: 20655--------------------------------------------------
Re: I don't like by BFF's boyfriend, but want to see more of
her.
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: December 3, 2018, 7:07 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> How does the OP know the BFF and her BF’s finances? A
75-year-old man not working does not mean he is not contributing
financially and self-supporting.
>
--- End Quote ---
I know their finances in general from what she's said to me over
the years, and also from how much she has to scrimp to afford to
live with him. She once told me how much she figured he owed
her (which he had asked her to calculate), and it was quite a
sizeable chunk. There's a lot more to this story, but I don't
want to post details. He's definitely not self-supporting in
any way.
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