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#Post#: 43018--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Lkdrymom Date: December 2, 2019, 3:50 pm
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[quote author=AtHomeRose link=topic=831.msg19857#msg19857
date=1543196760]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=831.msg19846#msg19846
date=1543190994]
I am struggling to understand how people are thinking showing up
at 2:00 is appropriate given the “dinner will be served between
1:00 and 2:00.” This isn’t a breakfast buffet at a hotel serving
from 6:00-8:00 am. This is a gathering of friend and family and
the host specifically said dinner would be served starting at
some point BETWEEN one and two. There was a specific meal time
provided. I am not a cook, but I know enough to grasp that
especially for certain types of meals and certainly for large
groups of people one cannot always pinpoint exactly when dinner
will be ready to be served. But this likely isn’t box Mac &
Cheese where you know it will take about 8 minutes to prepare
and serve.
When people go to a restaurant surely they grasp that their
meals may be to the table in 10 minutes or perhaps closer to 45
minutes depending on the type of restaurant and what they order?
[/quote]
There was not a specific meal time. You can argue about
interpretation and meaning and what the guests should have known
or understood but the OP said she gave a time range, between 1
and 2. A range is not a specific meal time.
I think it would be appropriate to show up at 2:00 to an
invitation worded like this because when I have used this
wording or received an invitation with this wording it has meant
we would sit down to eat when all the guest where there and the
food was ready between 1 and 2. That means I can get there at 2
and still be on time to sit down and eat.
[/quote]
And if the food is actually ready at 1...wouldn't it be cold (or
dried out) by 2? The food ready between 1 and 2 means that it
could be on the table as early as 1 but as late as 2.
#Post#: 43022--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Hmmm Date: December 2, 2019, 4:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=831.msg43017#msg43017
date=1575323375]
I see everyone's point, but although people were asked to arrive
earlier, MIL was told that lunch was to be served at 2 -- and
not even firmly, just that that was the "goal." She arrived at
2:10. That's not so very late. I agree that she should have
arrived earlier and certainly should have called, especially
given that she wanted to cut the apples there, but -- ten
minutes? We've sure heard a lot worse than that! I would be
annoyed, too, in Hmmm's position, though, especially if this is
a pattern.
Hmmm didn't tell us whether they started without her or what.
But if they did, I don't fault them, because they did try to
call, and although it was a safe (and evidently correct)
assumption that she was on her way, they really didn't know how
late she would be.
I hope you had a lovely meal anyway, Hmmm! You deserve it.
[/quote]
Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear. MIL was only told to arrive at 1. I
never discussed with her when we'd have lunch. We just all kept
repeating come at 1pm to MIL.
It was other family members who didn't think I had given enough
information this year who I told we would probably eat around 2.
While I do understand others saying they would not hold the
meal, no one in our extended family would be comfortable going
ahead without MIL. It just wouldn't be done. This year we
instead entertained ourselves by betting who could get closest
to how late she'd be. DD won so didn't have to unload the first
2 rounds of the dishwasher. ;)
And thank you, yes we had a great day. While we had 12 for
lunch, other family members came over later for dessert so had a
pretty full house till around 8pm. Then we tried to start
watching The Irishman, but I was too pooped for a 3 hour movie.
#Post#: 43024--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Luci Date: December 2, 2019, 5:03 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
My invitations said, "Apps at 11:30, serving at 1:00," which
left a pretty big window. I had tables set and the meal planned
and most things in the oven covered with foil. Things weren’t
dried out. People learned that surprises were not greeted well.
I was ready at 11:30 and we ate at 1:00, no matter who was late,
unless of course there was an accident. My invitations were
accepted and everyone said they had a good tome. (I had taken
over for MIL, so when we got old and moved, the third and fourth
generations drifted as life goes on.)
#Post#: 43040--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Rose Red Date: December 2, 2019, 7:24 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=831.msg43022#msg43022
date=1575326421]
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=831.msg43017#msg43017
date=1575323375]
I see everyone's point, but although people were asked to arrive
earlier, MIL was told that lunch was to be served at 2 -- and
not even firmly, just that that was the "goal." She arrived at
2:10. That's not so very late. I agree that she should have
arrived earlier and certainly should have called, especially
given that she wanted to cut the apples there, but -- ten
minutes? We've sure heard a lot worse than that! I would be
annoyed, too, in Hmmm's position, though, especially if this is
a pattern.
Hmmm didn't tell us whether they started without her or what.
But if they did, I don't fault them, because they did try to
call, and although it was a safe (and evidently correct)
assumption that she was on her way, they really didn't know how
late she would be.
I hope you had a lovely meal anyway, Hmmm! You deserve it.
[/quote]
Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear. MIL was only told to arrive at 1. I
never discussed with her when we'd have lunch. We just all kept
repeating come at 1pm to MIL.
It was other family members who didn't think I had given enough
information this year who I told we would probably eat around 2.
While I do understand others saying they would not hold the
meal, no one in our extended family would be comfortable going
ahead without MIL. It just wouldn't be done. This year we
instead entertained ourselves by betting who could get closest
to how late she'd be. DD won so didn't have to unload the first
2 rounds of the dishwasher. ;)
And thank you, yes we had a great day. While we had 12 for
lunch, other family members came over later for dessert so had a
pretty full house till around 8pm. Then we tried to start
watching The Irishman, but I was too pooped for a 3 hour movie.
[/quote]
The only reason the meal started "only" 10 minutes late was
because you told your MIL to be there at 1pm. That's the reason
your family found it funny. It would be less amusing if you told
her the real time because I guarantee she would have shown up an
hour late no matter what time you told her.
You and your family are nicer than me. I would never wait for
chronically late people no matter how "nice" they are. I want
people to be able to eat at the promised time and when the food
is at peak freshness. I dislike lukewarm food. The late person
can eat and socialize whenever they arrive. I'll even make a
plate for them, but I won't make everyone wait for one person
who is disrespectful to me and all the others.
#Post#: 43054--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Aleko Date: December 3, 2019, 3:42 am
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[quote]I would never wait for chronically late people no matter
how "nice" they are.[/quote]
Me neither. In fact I wouldn't wait for normally-punctual people
either, reckoning that, being conscientious types, they would
only be embarrassed to find they had caused everyone else to
wait hungry. The only difference would be that if any delicacy
looked like running out before they got there I'd save some for
normally-punctual people, on the ground that the poor souls are
probably suffering in appalling traffic and not in a position to
use their phone: but if someone can't be bothered to come at the
right time I'm not going to stop the polite people from
finishing the lobster patties on their account!
#Post#: 43056--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Rose Red Date: December 3, 2019, 6:51 am
---------------------------------------------------------
That's another thing. If I throw a formal sit-down party, I go
all out on food. Seafood or something. Even a turkey is not
cheap. I spend more time and money on the menu than normal. No
way am I letting it go cold for one (rude) person. The cook/host
deserve respect for all the time and thought and planning they
put into it. A good dinner party doesn't magically happen with a
snap of the finger.
#Post#: 43060--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: lowspark Date: December 3, 2019, 8:16 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Yup. Been there, done that. I've held up dinner for chronically
late people too many times. The last time, years ago, the
chronically late person called me on her way. Not her fault!
Unexpected traffic! Please wait! OK, so I did. And food got cold
and everyone who had bothered to plan ahead and get there on
time paid the price. Never again, I swore. And never again it
has been.
Because you know, this is Houston. There's going to be traffic.
But even if the reason for being late is genuinely unavoidable,
that's life! You're late, you miss out. It's a bummer but it's a
bummer for you and shouldn't bleed over to being a bummer for
every other guest at the party.
On the other hand, I completely understand Hmmm's point about
none of the other guests being comfortable starting without her
MIL. That's the family dynamic. And knowing this, MIL has a
license to arrive whenever she wants. The family has implicitly
agreed to this by always waiting for her. And, I guess, the
family are all ok with it. So... the tactic of giving MIL a
start time an hour earlier is probably the best way to go.
#Post#: 43061--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Jem Date: December 3, 2019, 8:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Lkdrymom link=topic=831.msg43018#msg43018
date=1575323438]
[quote author=AtHomeRose link=topic=831.msg19857#msg19857
date=1543196760]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=831.msg19846#msg19846
date=1543190994]
I am struggling to understand how people are thinking showing up
at 2:00 is appropriate given the “dinner will be served between
1:00 and 2:00.” This isn’t a breakfast buffet at a hotel serving
from 6:00-8:00 am. This is a gathering of friend and family and
the host specifically said dinner would be served starting at
some point BETWEEN one and two. There was a specific meal time
provided. I am not a cook, but I know enough to grasp that
especially for certain types of meals and certainly for large
groups of people one cannot always pinpoint exactly when dinner
will be ready to be served. But this likely isn’t box Mac &
Cheese where you know it will take about 8 minutes to prepare
and serve.
When people go to a restaurant surely they grasp that their
meals may be to the table in 10 minutes or perhaps closer to 45
minutes depending on the type of restaurant and what they order?
[/quote]
There was not a specific meal time. You can argue about
interpretation and meaning and what the guests should have known
or understood but the OP said she gave a time range, between 1
and 2. A range is not a specific meal time.
I think it would be appropriate to show up at 2:00 to an
invitation worded like this because when I have used this
wording or received an invitation with this wording it has meant
we would sit down to eat when all the guest where there and the
food was ready between 1 and 2. That means I can get there at 2
and still be on time to sit down and eat.
[/quote]
And if the food is actually ready at 1...wouldn't it be cold (or
dried out) by 2? The food ready between 1 and 2 means that it
could be on the table as early as 1 but as late as 2.
[/quote]
I am not sure if I am following you, but my point is that people
should be there before 1:00 if the meal is to be served between
one and two. If a person does not want to or cannot be there at
1:00, they should say so. People can be on time. Food not always
as precise. And the point of gatherings involving food should
be, in my opinion, the socializing. Not the "I'm here, where's
my food!"
#Post#: 43065--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Twik Date: December 3, 2019, 9:19 am
---------------------------------------------------------
My own take is if told "lunch will be between 1 and 2, come any
time after 12," is that I should be there at 12:45 at the
latest. I'd expect to start eating very soon after 1.
I'm not sure where the confusion would come in, but I suppose
that people do have different views. If your friends and family
just can't figure this information out, I guess you'll have to
lay it out without options. "We'll open the doors at 12 for
visitors. Lunch will start at 1 pm promptly."
#Post#: 43066--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Jem Date: December 3, 2019, 9:22 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Twik link=topic=831.msg43065#msg43065
date=1575386391]
My own take is if told "lunch will be between 1 and 2, come any
time after 12," is that I should be there at 12:45 at the
latest. I'd expect to start eating very soon after 1.
I'm not sure where the confusion would come in, but I suppose
that people do have different views. If your friends and family
just can't figure this information out, I guess you'll have to
lay it out without options. "We'll open the doors at 12 for
visitors. Lunch will start at 1 pm promptly."
[/quote]
Agreed. Substitute another event for the meal, say a graduation.
Your loved one will walk across the stage at some point between
2 and 4, and it is not alphabetical. What time to you arrive?
Or a dance recital. Your loved one will perform at some point
between 6 and 7:30, and you don't have a listing of the order of
dances. What time to you arrive? 7:30 because it could happen up
until 7:30? I wouldn't think so.
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