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#Post#: 20093--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Aleko Date: November 27, 2018, 10:34 am
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[quote] And then, invariably, someone arrives with an unexpected
fridge cold casserole that needs to be heated, someone else
wants to decant a couple of bottles of wine right before dinner,
someone else wants a lesson in making gravy as they visit with
me in the kitchen, and someone else arrives with a dessert that
requires me to find a specific type of dish to be unmolded onto.
(All real examples from this year).
[/quote]
This kind of thing is the reason why I would rather work two
days and nights preparing a big-wing meal myself than make it
potluck! At my Christmas dinner my father, a wine buff with a
big cellar, generally brings the wine (but we discuss this ahead
of time and he arrives the day before anyway.) If anyone asks
'what can I bring? I'd like to bring something', I generally say
after-dinner chocolates or something like that, which don't have
to be stitched into the meal itself.
#Post#: 20097--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: lowspark Date: November 27, 2018, 10:59 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=831.msg20093#msg20093
date=1543336471]
[quote] And then, invariably, someone arrives with an unexpected
fridge cold casserole that needs to be heated, someone else
wants to decant a couple of bottles of wine right before dinner,
someone else wants a lesson in making gravy as they visit with
me in the kitchen, and someone else arrives with a dessert that
requires me to find a specific type of dish to be unmolded onto.
(All real examples from this year).
[/quote]
This kind of thing is the reason why I would rather work two
days and nights preparing a big-wing meal myself than make it
potluck! At my Christmas dinner my father, a wine buff with a
big cellar, generally brings the wine (but we discuss this ahead
of time and he arrives the day before anyway.) If anyone asks
'what can I bring? I'd like to bring something', I generally say
after-dinner chocolates or something like that, which don't have
to be stitched into the meal itself.
[/quote]
I like to do both. Sometimes, I want to do the whole meal, soup
to nuts, with no one bringing anything except themselves! But
even with all the potential delays and interruptions, sometimes
it's just fun to do a pot luck. You kinda know those kinds of
things are probably going to happen so you just sort of plan for
them. But yeah, you have to have the patience for that kind of
thing and not everyone does.
#Post#: 20115--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Hmmm Date: November 27, 2018, 12:57 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=831.msg20093#msg20093
date=1543336471]
[quote] And then, invariably, someone arrives with an unexpected
fridge cold casserole that needs to be heated, someone else
wants to decant a couple of bottles of wine right before dinner,
someone else wants a lesson in making gravy as they visit with
me in the kitchen, and someone else arrives with a dessert that
requires me to find a specific type of dish to be unmolded onto.
(All real examples from this year).
[/quote]
This kind of thing is the reason why I would rather work two
days and nights preparing a big-wing meal myself than make it
potluck! At my Christmas dinner my father, a wine buff with a
big cellar, generally brings the wine (but we discuss this ahead
of time and he arrives the day before anyway.) If anyone asks
'what can I bring? I'd like to bring something', I generally say
after-dinner chocolates or something like that, which don't have
to be stitched into the meal itself.
[/quote]
It's my preference too, but it is very hard to tell your MIL
that her "famous mashed potato casserole" is not welcome on the
family Thanksgiving table or you would prefer your sister in law
not bring her family's favorite pumpkin flan. There are many
dinners where I say "please don't bring anything" but Tday is
just not one that I feel DH and I can completely control the
menu since it is such a food focused holiday. In our family,
people want to contribute.
#Post#: 20118--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Lilac Date: November 27, 2018, 1:03 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=831.msg20089#msg20089
date=1543335383]
[quote author=Lilac link=topic=831.msg20063#msg20063
date=1543289096]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=831.msg19986#msg19986
date=1543266755]
[quote author=QueenFaninCA link=topic=831.msg19973#msg19973
date=1543263012]
[quote author=lakey link=topic=831.msg19873#msg19873
date=1543208170]
[quote]There was not a specific meal time. You can argue about
interpretation and meaning and what the guests should have known
or understood but the OP said she gave a time range, between 1
and 2. A range is not a specific meal time. [/quote]
When you are cooking and serving a roasted turkey, a sweet
potato casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, a vegetable
dish, along with cranberries, rolls, and dessert, it is almost
impossible to give a specific meal time when everything will be
ready and hot. Therefore you give a range. "We will be eating
between 1 and 2, depending on when the food is ready." You can't
say specifically, "We'll eat at 1:30," because there is a good
chance that everything won't be ready. You have to leave the
turkey in the oven until its internal temperature reaches a
certain temperature. Once everything is ready and hot, you have
everyone move to the dining room table. If you wait 20 minutes
for someone who is "on their way", then you will have wasted a
couple of days of work on a meal that is cold and unappetizing.
A professional chef might be able to give an exact serving time
for a meal like this. I can't, and I don't think most home cooks
can. Sometimes people who haven't prepared a meal like this for
a large number of guests have no idea the amount of planning,
work, and expense that goes into it. If guests are a little
confused by "We're serving lunch between 1 and 2,depending on
when food is ready", they should err on the side of
consideration for the host who is doing all of the work and
expense, not their own convenience. It's pretty obvious that the
range is because the host doesn't know exactly when the food
will be ready, not because you can show up as late as 2.
[/quote]
I'm not a professional chef but I do manage to serve my
Christmas goose with all the trimmings within two minutes of the
time I said dinner would be ready. It's not that hard, it just
requires some planning to make sure everything gets in the oven
or the pot at the right time. I have a big spreadsheet that has
the timeline to make sure I don't get to the point in the recipe
where it says "add chopped onion" and realize the onion isn't
chopped yet.
But to the OP, I thought it was clear that guests could arrive
any time after noon and the meal would be served at some point
between 1 and 2 with the exact time not known in advance (and
could be 1pm). I'd probably arrive around 12:10 and recommend to
someone wanting to minimize time there to arrive just before
1pm.
[/quote]
I too can usually get the meal contents we are making all
together at a very specific time. This year I was a little more
concerned because my DH would be frying 2 turkeys (have to get
one done and then put the other on) and I was also smoking a
stuffed pork loin and a duck. If you've ever smoked anything,
you know you have to go by temp and not time. Depending on
weather and a whole bunch of other factors, timing can vary by
20 min to an hour depending on what you are cooking. And then,
invariably, someone arrives with an unexpected fridge cold
casserole that needs to be heated, someone else wants to decant
a couple of bottles of wine right before dinner, someone else
wants a lesson in making gravy as they visit with me in the
kitchen, and someone else arrives with a dessert that requires
me to find a specific type of dish to be unmolded onto. (All
real examples from this year). So while all of my dishes may be
ready, dealing with everyone else's last minute needs can create
a delay.
[/quote]
OK, so it looks as if the hosts made a number of choices that
preclude a specific start time, and expected guests to adjust to
that. You could have cooked the turkeys the day before, had
fewer no other tricky meats, spurned offers of casseroles and
desserts, served wine of your choosing and set guests' aside for
another time, given a gravy lesson when others were not waiting
for their meal, etc.
To have so many variables factoring in -- and yet get irked when
guests themselves are variable -- seems a bit unfair. If timing
is essential, simplify the menu, ask guests not to bring food,
start serving at a stated time and give gravy lessons on a
different day.
Or, have a buffet / open house and add foods to the table as
they are ready, but without expecting guests to show up early
and then cool their heels until a sit-down meal takes place at
an unpredictable time. In my family we tend to do our
socializing after the dinner, so I'd be annoyed to rush around
and show up at 12:15 (missing the opportunity to watch parades,
etc in person or on TV, or just to enjoy a lazy holiday morn)
and then sit there for 90+ minutes waiting for something to
happen while the hosts were in the kitchen or out in the garage
with a frying device.
[/quote]
*Classic story
I called MIL 2 weeks before Easter and asked if they would be ok
with going to an early church service that they could be at our
house by 11:30am. I said we would hold off on the Easter Egg
hunt till after service (they always loved hiding things for the
kids) and then do brunch at noon because my sister and her
family wanted to leave by 2 since they had a 6 hour drive home.
She said of course, they always either do the 8am service and
that would be perfect. Saturday before Easter, she calls and
asks what she can bring. I say don't bring anything since you'll
be coming directly from church.
Sunday, we get up early, get everything prepared, go to 9:30
service, home a little before 11. I keep the kids (my 2 and my
nephew) occupied in the house while DH, and other family members
hide eggs. By Noon, MIL and BIL have not arrived. We try to call
their cell but get no answer, but back then they didn't always
keep it on. We go ahead with the Easter Egg hunt. All appetizers
have been eaten by now. Everyone is starting to worry about
them, DH and I are discussing if we should just go ahead and
serve and finally BIL gets a call at 1 saying they are on their
way and they arrive at 1:30. The reason for being late? SIL who
was still living at home didn't get dressed in time for the 8am
service so they delayed to the 9:30. The service was packed and
it took them forever to get out of the parking lot. Though I had
told MIL not to bring anything, she decided to make a deviled
eggs and a potato salad. She didn't think the eggs would stay
fresh in an ice chest so so after service had them drive an
extra 40 min to go pick up the items that I had said I didn't
need.
[/quote]
Well, that's just downright rude.
Sounds as though you and your husband are very hospitable and
accommodating. Personally for the convenience of everyone, I
would just state firm times and stick to them. "MIL, we will be
doing the egg hunt at 11 and serving brunch at noon, if you care
to join us. We'll be leaving at two to see the exhibit at the
botanical gardens. No need to bring anything." If they show up
and you've already left for the exhibit, c'est la vie. Better
that than keeping everyone else waiting on tenterhooks.
To answer your original question, if I were told the meal were
happening between 1-2 pm, I would probably arrive about 12:40
unless the host had a history of accepting help preparing and
serving the food. That leaves 15 minutes for a drink &
relaxation before the absolute earliest serving time.
#Post#: 20382--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: katiekat2009 Date: November 30, 2018, 10:05 am
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I've stopped playing the "late" game with chronically late
guests (one is my own daughter!). At Thanksgiving, I told them
we would be EATING at noon. Two guests (one my daughter) were
not there at noon. At 12:08, we grabbed a plate and started
eating. The two late guests showed up 15-20 minutes later. Let
them be embarrassed.
#Post#: 20385--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: gramma dishes Date: November 30, 2018, 10:24 am
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And hungry! :D
#Post#: 20388--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Aleko Date: November 30, 2018, 10:44 am
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I agree. I might hold a meal for guests who phone saying they're
running late and can provide a reasonable ETA. If they phone but
can't say when they are likely to arrive - say there's an
overturned lorry right across the motorway and they're stuck
behind it - I'd promise to keep a meal hot for them. But if they
are just late with no explanation I'd start dinner on time, and
I don't know that I'd make great efforts to keep people from
finishing the pudding, either.
#Post#: 20603--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Lilac Date: December 3, 2018, 9:15 am
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I've never understood people who, when hosting, give precedence
to those who haven't bothered to show up, yet have no trouble
inconveniencing those who did bother to get there by making them
wait for the latecomers. It really boggles the mind.
#Post#: 20629--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: TootsNYC Date: December 3, 2018, 2:52 pm
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[quote author=Lilac link=topic=831.msg20603#msg20603
date=1543850131]
I've never understood people who, when hosting, give precedence
to those who haven't bothered to show up, yet have no trouble
inconveniencing those who did bother to get there by making them
wait for the latecomers. It really boggles the mind.
[/quote]
People are funny, aren't they?
And there are parents who bend over backwards wooing the distant
child, and mistreat or ignore the child who demonstrates their
devotion.
#Post#: 20640--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Hanna Date: December 3, 2018, 5:24 pm
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[quote author=Lilac link=topic=831.msg20603#msg20603
date=1543850131]
I've never understood people who, when hosting, give precedence
to those who haven't bothered to show up, yet have no trouble
inconveniencing those who did bother to get there by making them
wait for the latecomers. It really boggles the mind.
[/quote]
I believe for most families it’s because they want everyone they
love together at the table, breaking bread together. I don’t
think it’s meant to inconvenience anyone, but that it comes from
a good place. The hosts are in a bad position, and I don’t
blame them for handling however they feel is best. On the other
hand, if the only point is just to eat on time and be done with
it, I’m not sure if the point of coming out at all. I say all
of this as a person who spent many holidays waiting for the late
people. I wanted to wait too, because despite them being really
inconsiderate I’d rather wait a couple of times a year than just
eat without them.
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