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#Post#: 19845--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: AtHomeRose Date: November 25, 2018, 6:01 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=831.msg19827#msg19827
date=1543177288]
Thanks, all. It was interesting to read how other's interpreted
the invitation. To answer a couple of questions:
-I gave a "come anytime after" time because I've had family and
friends show up way earlier than I wanted, so I've started
giving a time when I'll be ready for people to arrive. If I said
lunch was at 1, they'd be at my door at 11am with appetizers and
ready to visit.
-Serving between 1 and 2 meant that we would be aiming for the
food to be ready within that hour time frame and for the meal to
commence. With turkeys and large meals it is sometimes hard to
say we will be eating at 1 and the meal not actually be ready
till 1:30.
-It never dawned on my that any of them would plan to arrive at
the last minute, especially if bringing appetizers. Even if they
weren't and they thought the meal would be held for them till
2pm, why plan to arrive at 2 when that's the last possible time
the meal would be served? We normally have lots of socializing
prior to the meal.
[/quote]
I use the "come anytime after" wording a lot too but I always
set a specific meal time if I am having a sit down meal where it
matters if people are there on time. Giving the range 1-2 is the
problem, not the "anytime after"
#Post#: 19846--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Jem Date: November 25, 2018, 6:09 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=AtHomeRose link=topic=831.msg19845#msg19845
date=1543190511]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=831.msg19827#msg19827
date=1543177288]
Thanks, all. It was interesting to read how other's interpreted
the invitation. To answer a couple of questions:
-I gave a "come anytime after" time because I've had family and
friends show up way earlier than I wanted, so I've started
giving a time when I'll be ready for people to arrive. If I said
lunch was at 1, they'd be at my door at 11am with appetizers and
ready to visit.
-Serving between 1 and 2 meant that we would be aiming for the
food to be ready within that hour time frame and for the meal to
commence. With turkeys and large meals it is sometimes hard to
say we will be eating at 1 and the meal not actually be ready
till 1:30.
-It never dawned on my that any of them would plan to arrive at
the last minute, especially if bringing appetizers. Even if they
weren't and they thought the meal would be held for them till
2pm, why plan to arrive at 2 when that's the last possible time
the meal would be served? We normally have lots of socializing
prior to the meal.
[/quote]
I use the "come anytime after" wording a lot too but I always
set a specific meal time if I am having a sit down meal where it
matters if people are there on time. Giving the range 1-2 is the
problem, not the "anytime after"
[/quote]
I am struggling to understand how people are thinking showing up
at 2:00 is appropriate given the “dinner will be served between
1:00 and 2:00.” This isn’t a breakfast buffet at a hotel serving
from 6:00-8:00 am. This is a gathering of friend and family and
the host specifically said dinner would be served starting at
some point BETWEEN one and two. There was a specific meal time
provided. I am not a cook, but I know enough to grasp that
especially for certain types of meals and certainly for large
groups of people one cannot always pinpoint exactly when dinner
will be ready to be served. But this likely isn’t box Mac &
Cheese where you know it will take about 8 minutes to prepare
and serve.
When people go to a restaurant surely they grasp that their
meals may be to the table in 10 minutes or perhaps closer to 45
minutes depending on the type of restaurant and what they order?
#Post#: 19857--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: AtHomeRose Date: November 25, 2018, 7:46 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jem link=topic=831.msg19846#msg19846
date=1543190994]
I am struggling to understand how people are thinking showing up
at 2:00 is appropriate given the “dinner will be served between
1:00 and 2:00.” This isn’t a breakfast buffet at a hotel serving
from 6:00-8:00 am. This is a gathering of friend and family and
the host specifically said dinner would be served starting at
some point BETWEEN one and two. There was a specific meal time
provided. I am not a cook, but I know enough to grasp that
especially for certain types of meals and certainly for large
groups of people one cannot always pinpoint exactly when dinner
will be ready to be served. But this likely isn’t box Mac &
Cheese where you know it will take about 8 minutes to prepare
and serve.
When people go to a restaurant surely they grasp that their
meals may be to the table in 10 minutes or perhaps closer to 45
minutes depending on the type of restaurant and what they order?
[/quote]
There was not a specific meal time. You can argue about
interpretation and meaning and what the guests should have known
or understood but the OP said she gave a time range, between 1
and 2. A range is not a specific meal time.
I think it would be appropriate to show up at 2:00 to an
invitation worded like this because when I have used this
wording or received an invitation with this wording it has meant
we would sit down to eat when all the guest where there and the
food was ready between 1 and 2. That means I can get there at 2
and still be on time to sit down and eat.
#Post#: 19864--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Jem Date: November 25, 2018, 8:52 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=AtHomeRose link=topic=831.msg19857#msg19857
date=1543196760]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=831.msg19846#msg19846
date=1543190994]
I am struggling to understand how people are thinking showing up
at 2:00 is appropriate given the “dinner will be served between
1:00 and 2:00.” This isn’t a breakfast buffet at a hotel serving
from 6:00-8:00 am. This is a gathering of friend and family and
the host specifically said dinner would be served starting at
some point BETWEEN one and two. There was a specific meal time
provided. I am not a cook, but I know enough to grasp that
especially for certain types of meals and certainly for large
groups of people one cannot always pinpoint exactly when dinner
will be ready to be served. But this likely isn’t box Mac &
Cheese where you know it will take about 8 minutes to prepare
and serve.
When people go to a restaurant surely they grasp that their
meals may be to the table in 10 minutes or perhaps closer to 45
minutes depending on the type of restaurant and what they order?
[/quote]
There was not a specific meal time. You can argue about
interpretation and meaning and what the guests should have known
or understood but the OP said she gave a time range, between 1
and 2. A range is not a specific meal time.
I think it would be appropriate to show up at 2:00 to an
invitation worded like this because when I have used this
wording or received an invitation with this wording it has meant
we would sit down to eat when all the guest where there and the
food was ready between 1 and 2. That means I can get there at 2
and still be on time to sit down and eat.
[/quote]
I don’t understand why you would think this? The invitation made
it clear that the meal would be served possibly at 1:00, but
between 1:00 and 2:00. Why would you show up at 2:00?
#Post#: 19873--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: lakey Date: November 25, 2018, 10:56 pm
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[quote]There was not a specific meal time. You can argue about
interpretation and meaning and what the guests should have known
or understood but the OP said she gave a time range, between 1
and 2. A range is not a specific meal time. [/quote]
When you are cooking and serving a roasted turkey, a sweet
potato casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, a vegetable
dish, along with cranberries, rolls, and dessert, it is almost
impossible to give a specific meal time when everything will be
ready and hot. Therefore you give a range. "We will be eating
between 1 and 2, depending on when the food is ready." You can't
say specifically, "We'll eat at 1:30," because there is a good
chance that everything won't be ready. You have to leave the
turkey in the oven until its internal temperature reaches a
certain temperature. Once everything is ready and hot, you have
everyone move to the dining room table. If you wait 20 minutes
for someone who is "on their way", then you will have wasted a
couple of days of work on a meal that is cold and unappetizing.
A professional chef might be able to give an exact serving time
for a meal like this. I can't, and I don't think most home cooks
can. Sometimes people who haven't prepared a meal like this for
a large number of guests have no idea the amount of planning,
work, and expense that goes into it. If guests are a little
confused by "We're serving lunch between 1 and 2,depending on
when food is ready", they should err on the side of
consideration for the host who is doing all of the work and
expense, not their own convenience. It's pretty obvious that the
range is because the host doesn't know exactly when the food
will be ready, not because you can show up as late as 2.
#Post#: 19879--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Aleko Date: November 26, 2018, 2:11 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Hmmm, I can see what you were trying to do with your message,
and make it helpful. But if, as in your case, the invitees
include people who are routinely late, or just inattentive, it
is a mistake to include the latest time you might be serving the
meal. Rely on it, these people will just skim the message and
assume that it's OK to arrive at any time up to 2, and that even
if the meal is ready before then it will be held back till they
arrive. Another time just leave that bit out, and say 'Please
come any time from noon onwards. Dinner will be served up as
soon after 1pm as it's ready.' If you want, you could really
spell it out by adding "We won't wait for any late-comers!'
And I second everybody who said, don't rely for appetisers on
anyone who you can't count on to be punctual. If a reliably
punctual person anyone offered to bring them, I'd say "That
would be great, if you can promise to be here with them at 12",
but if known last-minute merchants like your in-laws made that
offer, I'd firmly turn it down, and perhaps counter-suggest that
they might like to bring dessert, or some after-dinner
chocolates, or whatever.
[quote]I could tell that SIL was a little miffed that there was
minimal social time prior to her arrival and starting to serve
lunch. [/quote]
It can work the other way. Some years ago my widowed MIL had
invited me, DH and my own mother, who was staying with us, over
to Boxing Day (26 December) lunch. This is traditionally cold
meat - leftovers of the Christmas bird, ham, etc - and nothing
hot other than perhaps a soup, so timings for serving up are
really not an issue. Nobody else was invited, just us. We
planned to go in the morning to attend the Boxing Day meet of
the local foxhounds, a traditional seasonal event in the English
countryside and something my family always go to when we're
spending Christmas at our home in the Midlands, and go from
there to my MIL's. She knew that was our plan. But we misjudged
the distance and the route from the meet to my MIL's and
followed the hounds rather longer than we should, so we arrived
for lunch late-ish and very hungry, as one tends to be when one
has been pounding along on foot after horses and hounds on a
winter morning. We cried 'So sorry we're late, we're starving!'
MIL beamed and said, 'Delighted to hear it, there's lots to eat.
Come into the lounge and have a gin and tonic.' We tried to say
no, we meant that we were so hungry we would rather sit down to
lunch NOW (it was all on the table ready) than sit on the sofa
making conversation over a drink. But MIL just wouldn't hear us:
in her universe, people who come to lunch MUST be given at least
one double G&T which must be drunk in a civilised manner sitting
down in the lounge before it is legit to have lunch, even if
they are fainting and failing for want of food.
#Post#: 19888--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Hanna Date: November 26, 2018, 6:53 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I suspect if one these people who have trouble understanding the
concept of “the meal will begin between 1 and 2” were told “The
local bank is giving away a million dollars to each person
present some time between 1 and 2” they would get there before 1
without any confusion.
Chronically late people with no medical reason just think their
time is more valuable than everyone else’s.
#Post#: 19890--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Rose Red Date: November 26, 2018, 7:28 am
---------------------------------------------------------
The wording is still a bit confusing to me. Just say to be there
by 1:00pm next time. Next time prepare some appetizers (even if
it's just one plate of cheese and crackers or a bowl of chips)
in case they flake out again, but you can never have enough food
on thanksgiving if they actually bring their appetizers too.
There's nothing you can do about this past event now anyway,
except learn about people and how to handle invitations for next
time. You may not want to invite some people again. Or you have
to be very literal for others. It's useless to ask/say if other
people were rude. You can only control your own reaction and
decide what to do in the future.
#Post#: 19891--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Jem Date: November 26, 2018, 7:34 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=831.msg19890#msg19890
date=1543238894]
The wording is still a bit confusing to me. Just say to be there
by 1:00pm next time. Next time prepare some appetizers (even if
it's just one plate of cheese and crackers or a bowl of chips)
in case they flake out again, but you can never have enough food
on thanksgiving if they actually bring their appetizers too.
There's nothing you can do about this past event now anyway,
except learn about people and how to handle invitations for next
time. You may not want to invite some people again. Or you have
to be very literal for others. It's useless to ask/say if other
people were rude. You can only control your own reaction and
decide what to do in the future.
[/quote]
I can’t speak for the OP, but as I said earlier, the message
when my family uses similar phrasing is NOT “be there by 1:00.”
The message is exactly what the OP said - to come any time after
noon knowing that we will eat as early as 1:00. I wouldn’t
expect people to waltz into my house and hang up their coats and
sit down and expect to eat in 30 seconds if they showed up at
1:00. That would be super rude unless they were coming from work
or something. To essentially show up just for the food is rude
to the host and everyone else, in my opinion.
#Post#: 19892--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Bada Date: November 26, 2018, 7:41 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=AtHomeRose link=topic=831.msg19857#msg19857
date=1543196760]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=831.msg19846#msg19846
date=1543190994]
I am struggling to understand how people are thinking showing up
at 2:00 is appropriate given the “dinner will be served between
1:00 and 2:00.” This isn’t a breakfast buffet at a hotel serving
from 6:00-8:00 am. This is a gathering of friend and family and
the host specifically said dinner would be served starting at
some point BETWEEN one and two. There was a specific meal time
provided. I am not a cook, but I know enough to grasp that
especially for certain types of meals and certainly for large
groups of people one cannot always pinpoint exactly when dinner
will be ready to be served. But this likely isn’t box Mac &
Cheese where you know it will take about 8 minutes to prepare
and serve.
When people go to a restaurant surely they grasp that their
meals may be to the table in 10 minutes or perhaps closer to 45
minutes depending on the type of restaurant and what they order?
[/quote]
There was not a specific meal time. You can argue about
interpretation and meaning and what the guests should have known
or understood but the OP said she gave a time range, between 1
and 2. A range is not a specific meal time.
I think it would be appropriate to show up at 2:00 to an
invitation worded like this because when I have used this
wording or received an invitation with this wording it has meant
we would sit down to eat when all the guest where there and the
food was ready between 1 and 2. That means I can get there at 2
and still be on time to sit down and eat.
[/quote]
You'd show up at 2 expecting that the entire meal and all of the
guests would be kept sitting around and waiting for you to make
your grand appearance? I would very much not appreciate that at
all.
Or maybe you meant you thought the buffet would be served from 1
to 2? That's the only way I could see arriving anytime after 1
to be OK, if you knew dinner was being served buffet style and
people would be sitting all over the house rather than at one
table.
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