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#Post#: 19809--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: AtHomeRose Date: November 25, 2018, 10:47 am
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Given the wording of your first message I would have arrived
anytime between noon and two and felt I was on time. What time I
actually get there would depend on what else I had going on that
morning and how I felt, if I got a call before two asking where
I was I would be a bit surprised thinking I am not late yet. I
think you were off in your first invitation, if you wanted
people there at 1:00 invite them at 1:00. Don’t give a time
range when you want them there at a specific time.
Now your second message would have had me scratching my head, an
hour for Thanksgiving (only 2-3) is unheard of in our family so
I would have had to call to clarify what time I was expected to
arrive. But that would be me following up not me knowing what
time to get there from your original invitation.
#Post#: 19810--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Jem Date: November 25, 2018, 11:13 am
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[quote author=AtHomeRose link=topic=831.msg19809#msg19809
date=1543164455]
Given the wording of your first message I would have arrived
anytime between noon and two and felt I was on time. What time I
actually get there would depend on what else I had going on that
morning and how I felt, if I got a call before two asking where
I was I would be a bit surprised thinking I am not late yet. I
think you were off in your first invitation, if you wanted
people there at 1:00 invite them at 1:00. Don’t give a time
range when you want them there at a specific time.
Now your second message would have had me scratching my head, an
hour for Thanksgiving (only 2-3) is unheard of in our family so
I would have had to call to clarify what time I was expected to
arrive. But that would be me following up not me knowing what
time to get there from your original invitation.
[/quote]
You would consider yourself “on time” when the invitation said
the meal would be SERVED between one and two? This is strange to
me. I would consider myself LATE arriving at one. The invitation
said to arrive any time after noon which means social time so
people can sit down and be ready to eat as early as 1:00.
Arriving at 2:00 is extremely rude and late, in my opinion.
#Post#: 19812--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: GreenBird Date: November 25, 2018, 11:58 am
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I think your invitation wording was confusing - why would you
say "arrive anytime after 12:00" when what you actually mean is,
"be here by 1:00"?
I actually think your wording did reasonably imply there was
leeway to show up at 2:00 - the dinner time was flexible between
1:00 and 2:00, and "arrive anytime" makes it sound like you'd
wait until 2:00 if people weren't there yet. Maybe next time
just say outright when you want people to arrive so there's less
confusion.
#Post#: 19813--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: AtHomeRose Date: November 25, 2018, 12:10 pm
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=831.msg19810#msg19810
date=1543166016]
You would consider yourself “on time” when the invitation said
the meal would be SERVED between one and two? This is strange to
me. I would consider myself LATE arriving at one. The invitation
said to arrive any time after noon which means social time so
people can sit down and be ready to eat as early as 1:00.
Arriving at 2:00 is extremely rude and late, in my opinion.
[/quote]
Yes, I would consider myself on time arriving at 2:00 given the
original invitation. My interpretation of the wording is food
could first be coming out between 1-2 and we would sit down to
eat at 2 or when everyone was there and food was ready. The
invitation to come early would be for EXTRA social time not for
the only social time and not for eating time.
I understand that is not how everyone on here interprets the
invitation wording or how the OP meant for the invitation to be
interpreted, that is why I think it is a communication fail. If
you want people there at a specific time don’t give a time
range, give the time you want them there. If you want people
there at 1 to eat say “We will be sitting down to eat at 1:00,
feel free to come any time after noon”. Saying they can get
there early is fine but that is if they want to be early, and no
one should be considered late if they don’t get there early for
extra time.
The second message was not really clearer as it still says food
will first come out between 1 and 2 but then we need to be done
by 3. That would have really confused me and I would have
followed up to see what the real timing was.
#Post#: 19816--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Rose Red Date: November 25, 2018, 12:24 pm
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I agree the wording is confusing. 1:50 is between 1-2 but it
doesn't sound like that's what you mean and it's not fair to
those who arrived in the technically correct time.
Next time, say what you mean. It'll be better to say you plan to
start serving at 1:15 (or whenever). No room for interpretation.
#Post#: 19820--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Jem Date: November 25, 2018, 12:41 pm
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[quote author=GreenBird link=topic=831.msg19812#msg19812
date=1543168689]
I think your invitation wording was confusing - why would you
say "arrive anytime after 12:00" when what you actually mean is,
"be here by 1:00"?
I actually think your wording did reasonably imply there was
leeway to show up at 2:00 - the dinner time was flexible between
1:00 and 2:00, and "arrive anytime" makes it sound like you'd
wait until 2:00 if people weren't there yet. Maybe next time
just say outright when you want people to arrive so there's less
confusion.
[/quote]
When my family uses similar phrasing we do NOT mean “be here by
one.” We mean, “the meal will be served as early as one. Arrive
before one, but after noon.” If the meal is actually delayed
until closer to two, we’ll, okay, but the goal is not to
show-up-eat-leave. It is to socialize and enjoy a meal.
#Post#: 19827--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Hmmm Date: November 25, 2018, 2:21 pm
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Thanks, all. It was interesting to read how other's interpreted
the invitation. To answer a couple of questions:
-I gave a "come anytime after" time because I've had family and
friends show up way earlier than I wanted, so I've started
giving a time when I'll be ready for people to arrive. If I said
lunch was at 1, they'd be at my door at 11am with appetizers and
ready to visit.
-Serving between 1 and 2 meant that we would be aiming for the
food to be ready within that hour time frame and for the meal to
commence. With turkeys and large meals it is sometimes hard to
say we will be eating at 1 and the meal not actually be ready
till 1:30.
-It never dawned on my that any of them would plan to arrive at
the last minute, especially if bringing appetizers. Even if they
weren't and they thought the meal would be held for them till
2pm, why plan to arrive at 2 when that's the last possible time
the meal would be served? We normally have lots of socializing
prior to the meal.
#Post#: 19829--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Jem Date: November 25, 2018, 2:30 pm
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^^I agree with the “why show up at the very last minute.” The
food is not the focus of the event. It’s the gathering of people
and spending time together. To make it more “I will show up and
eat and leave” comes across as quite rude to me.
#Post#: 19838--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: katiekat2009 Date: November 25, 2018, 5:04 pm
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I probably would have arrived about 12:45 in case you served
closer to 1 than 2. I think DD was inconsiderate in that she
expected 19 other people to adjust their schedule to hers. You
probably should have served at 12, no later than 1, if she
wanted to leave by 3:00. And, she could have just let her
boyfriend go ahead to his own T'giving without her.
#Post#: 19843--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: AtHomeRose Date: November 25, 2018, 5:55 pm
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=831.msg19820#msg19820
date=1543171309]
[quote author=GreenBird link=topic=831.msg19812#msg19812
date=1543168689]
I think your invitation wording was confusing - why would you
say "arrive anytime after 12:00" when what you actually mean is,
"be here by 1:00"?
I actually think your wording did reasonably imply there was
leeway to show up at 2:00 - the dinner time was flexible between
1:00 and 2:00, and "arrive anytime" makes it sound like you'd
wait until 2:00 if people weren't there yet. Maybe next time
just say outright when you want people to arrive so there's less
confusion.
[/quote]
When my family uses similar phrasing we do NOT mean “be here by
one.” We mean, “the meal will be served as early as one. Arrive
before one, but after noon.” If the meal is actually delayed
until closer to two, we’ll, okay, but the goal is not to
show-up-eat-leave. It is to socialize and enjoy a meal.
[/quote]
I agree with GreenBird the wording is ambiguous. When my friends
and family use these kinds of phrases we mean an arrival time
between 1-2 is what is expected. As for the socialization
aspect, my expectation is most socialization happens after the
meal. Before the meal the host is often busy prepping and in the
kitchen. I might show up early to visit with other guests, or
expect to hangout in the kitchen and see if I can lend a hand,
if I am not up for that I will show up at the specified meal
time and then expect to visit with my host and other guests
after we eat.
Thinking others are rude for misinterpreting an ambiguous time
request feels unkind. Is it frustrating to be misunderstand
sure, I don't blame a host for feeling frustrated but that does
not mean the other people who did not correctly intemperate the
hosts meaning did anything rude. When sending an invitation to a
mixed group, friends, in-laws, family you need to be specific on
time if you want people to show up at that time.
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