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#Post#: 19776--------------------------------------------------
When would you arrive?
By: Hmmm Date: November 24, 2018, 7:21 pm
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Short question. If you received an email 7 days prior and a
follow up text the morning of with the below, what time would
you show up for a holiday meal.
"Hi all. Happy Thanksgiving! We'll be serving lunch between 1
and 2pm depending on when food is ready. Please come over
anytime after Noon."
I have a sister with a disability and she gets tired easily. So
I don't want to tell her to come at noon if I know lunch won't
be served till after 1 or later so I like to give a range.
Long Story
I will start with that I adore my inlaws and have learned over
the last 25 years to "deal" with the issue of their arrival on
time. But this year, my DD and her SO had to leave by a specific
time to get to his parent's home and she was really ticked and
stressed.
On Sunday, my BIL and SIL was having a family celebration for
their son's bday. They invited us to a late lunch for 2pm. There
was significant traffic and we arrived at 2:15. We called to say
we were running late because of the traffic. (It's normally 15
min drive on a Sunday afternoon, it took us 35 min.) Around
2:45, MIL had not arrived. SIL called her to learn she was still
on the road and still needed to make a stop for a gift. We went
ahead with lunch at 3. MIL arrived around 3:30.
We sort of joked about it but I said "Come Tday remember my
email said I need to serve lunch between 1 and 2 due to DD
needing to leave by 3. Come anytime after noon." MIL and SIL
said they were bring appetizers.
I send a text
My family and friends all arrive between 12:15 and 1. At 1pm I
send a text to MIL, SIL, and BIL and his family (hosts from
Sunday) asking where they are. BIL responds "just pulling up".
About 15 minutes later, MIL calls and says she is on her way and
will arrive in 15 minutes (so 1:30). At 1:45, SIL texts "2pm
right?" and I say "No, we are serving lunch between 1 and 2".
We started setting carving the pork roast and turkey and setting
everything out and SIL arrived as we were about to start serving
(we had 20 for Tday).
DD was upset that I hadn't given a specific time for everyone to
arrive.
I could tell SIL was a little miffed that there was minimal
social time prior to her arrival and starting to serve lunch.
My friends and family were a little upset that they arrived
before 1 and I only had minimal snacks to serve because I
thought appetizers were being brought.
In the long run we all had a nice holiday, but for an hour it
was pretty stressful. My kids and I got into a "discussion"
because they thought by saying lunch between 1 and 2 gave them
the leeway to not show up till 2.
So I'm just really curious on how other's interpret my time
frame.
#Post#: 19780--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: STiG Date: November 24, 2018, 7:59 pm
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I would interpret it that I should be there by 1:00 but I know
other people who would think that they should show up at 2:00.
When I host family for large meals, I'll tell them to come
anytime after X:00 and that I'm planning to serve the meal at
X:00 + 1 hour. With time challenged folks? I wouldn't tell
them what time I was serving the meal. I'd tell them to come at
X:00 and hope they arrive before I serve. I also wouldn't ask
them to bring something for before the meal if they are
perpetually late; that's asking for trouble.
#Post#: 19781--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: TootsNYC Date: November 24, 2018, 8:01 pm
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I would think I needed to be there no later than 1:15. I would
assume that you think it's LIKELY the meal won't be ready to eat
until 2, but I'd expect there to be some people to speak with
before, and I wouldn't want to be late if it was earlier.
(this wasn't your question, but in your situation, I wouldn't
give a range; I'd just plan for the food to be ready at 1:30,
and have my easily tired sister come then, and I'd keep the food
warm in the meantime. And I'd start promptly at 1:30)
(and if someone texted me at 1:45 and said "2pm, right?" I don't
know why I'd ever mention 1 o'clock--it's long gone. I'd just
say, "no, we're serving right now.")
#Post#: 19782--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: TootsNYC Date: November 24, 2018, 8:02 pm
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[quote author=STiG link=topic=831.msg19780#msg19780
date=1543111152]
With time challenged folks? ... I also wouldn't ask them to
bring something for before the meal if they are perpetually
late; that's asking for trouble.
[/quote]
Yeah, especially appetizers! (insert eye roll here--aimed at
them. how oblivious to themselves are they?)
#Post#: 19790--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Luci Date: November 24, 2018, 10:40 pm
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We are usually punctual, so we would arrive few minutes after 1.
When we say we are serving at a certain time, we do. BIL and
wife have missed a lot of fresh food.
One time we were invited for dinner. We had a family milestone
birthday party long planned so told the host we absolutely had
to leave by 4. They hadn’t even started preparing until after we
arrived. I'll never forget the look on their faces when we left
on time as they were preparing dessert. We were on time for a
lovely dinner.
I’m sorry you have to deal with some of those people.
#Post#: 19794--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Bgolly Date: November 24, 2018, 11:12 pm
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I would arrive at 12:20. I would also ask what I could bring. If
the hosts said "nothing" I would bring a nice bottle of wine if
I knew they drank wine. Otherwise I would bring a nice bouquet
of flowers in a vase or a box of chocolates. I regularly host
holiday meals for my family and in-laws and my biggest problem
is with people showing up too early. For example dinner is
served at 5 but they come at 2. When someone hosts family they
are at the mercy of their idiosyncrasies. I now have an ashtray
outside (We don't smoke) toothpicks ready, my computer is turned
off and locked, a stock of fruity alcohol drinks etc. I get many
strange requests while I'm busy in the kitchen.
#Post#: 19795--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: lakey Date: November 24, 2018, 11:41 pm
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[quote]"Hi all. Happy Thanksgiving! We'll be serving lunch
between 1 and 2pm depending on when food is ready. Please come
over anytime after Noon.[/quote]
I would assume that the meal could start as early as 1 or as
late as 2. So, I would be there before one. I would expect
guests to understand that the meal might start at 1. As far as
your DD's complaint, it isn't your fault that your in laws can't
figure out what "We'll be serving lunch between 1 and 2 PM"
means.
People who have never prepared and served a meal with a roasted
turkey or ham, and at least 5 or 6 hot side dishes, have no idea
how difficult it is to have everything hot and ready at the same
time. So, you have to give a range for when you will actually
eat. Also, if people arrive late, it is almost impossible to
keep that many dishes warm while you wait. I think that your DD
and your in laws, if they've never done one of these meals, have
no idea of the difficulties.
#Post#: 19798--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Jem Date: November 25, 2018, 1:46 am
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It is surprising to me the people who would arrive at 1:00 or
later! The text clearly said to arrive any time after noon, with
the meal being *served* between one and two. I personally would
plan to arrive at 12:00-12:07ish, especially if I offered to
bring an appetizer.
I think the only way to handle this is to cheerfully serve the
meal when it is ready between one and two. Those who arrive late
will be greeted with a smile but also a firm, “we wondered why
you weren’t here.”
#Post#: 19802--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Dazi Date: November 25, 2018, 5:49 am
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In my family this would mean you should plan to be there around
12:15-12:30, with 12:45 being late 😉
#Post#: 19806--------------------------------------------------
Re: When would you arrive?
By: Hanna Date: November 25, 2018, 8:01 am
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What time we would all arrive based on those instructions isn’t
really relevant, right? You have to be specific and clear about
the time with people who are always late, then plan on them
still being late. Because for whatever reason, they really
don’t care if they are holding up the entire show.
Also, as someone above mentioned, don’t depend on those types
for important contributions to the meal, especially not the
appetizers.
I don’t think I could start without my Mom or MIL though, and
in your case I would have had DD making the calls to get them
there on time, since she was the one on a tight schedule.
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