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#Post#: 20171--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: STiG
Date: November 28, 2018, 6:31 am
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The husband of someone I know has been after her to change her
last name to his after they got married. 'It isn't that big a
deal', he says.
So she is in the process of doing so, without telling him -
getting to the mail before he does to take out any
correspondence dealing with it.
She is saving all the receipts of what she has spend and keeping
track of all the time it has taken her. And it is going to be
(one of?) his Christmas presents. It has been several hundred
dollars and several hours. He has no clue what's involved.
#Post#: 20176--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: November 28, 2018, 7:52 am
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--- Quote from: STiG link ---
>
> The husband of someone I know has been after her to change her
last name to his after they got married. 'It isn't that big a
deal', he says.
>
> So she is in the process of doing so, without telling him -
getting to the mail before he does to take out any
correspondence dealing with it.
>
> She is saving all the receipts of what she has spend and
keeping track of all the time it has taken her. And it is going
to be (one of?) his Christmas presents. It has been several
hundred dollars and several hours. He has no clue what's
involved.
>
--- End Quote ---
I hope he appreciates it! It's such a cultural norm, especially
in my area of the US, that it's just expected that the woman
will change her surname I've always joked that the tradition is
that women change because men wouldn't jump through all the
hoops. I don't remember it being expensive, but I remember the
process having a high hassle factor. We were married 27 years
ago and I had to be physically present most places I changed it.
I took half a day off work to do the social security change.
#Post#: 20177--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: STiG
Date: November 28, 2018, 7:58 am
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I told my husband that I was perfectly happy to take his name.
But that I wasn't doing the paperwork. If he wanted me to
change my name, he had to do all the paperwork; I was only doing
what had to be done by me. And since he hates paperwork even
more than I do? I doubt it is ever going to happen.
#Post#: 20187--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: November 28, 2018, 9:51 am
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--- Quote from: HenrysMom link ---
>
>
>
> Nope, it was that I had only “spent” $25 for his birthday. He
didn’t factor in the time, effort, and lost sleep I expended to
make the thing. My mother had to sit him down and explain that
me cutting out the pattern, assembly and sewing, setting up AND
taking down the sewing machine every night before he came home
in the a.m. (so it’d be a surprise) had value. It took that
before he realized that the gift was worth a lot more than $25.
>
> He kept it for years, until after he left to be with his
girlfriend, then I threw it away along with everything else I
had made him. I’d be a skewered goat before I’d let him enjoy
my handiwork after that.
>
--- End Quote ---
But even if you'd only spent $25--you still got him a present!
He couldn't be bothered to get one a $25 present in return?
I'd be so mortified if one of my kids acted that way.
I'm sorry that was a painful marriage!
#Post#: 20255--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: HenrysMom
Date: November 29, 2018, 12:07 am
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Okay, I have to weigh in on the name change thing. As you all
know, I’ve been in the divorce process for 2-1/2 years now, and
am working on reassuming my maiden name. I have to say, it was
easy changing it when I got married, but it’s sure hard to
change it when you get divorced.
When it comes up, I tell young women to not change their name,
especially if they’ve already established themselves. It’ll
save a lot of work and extra heartache later.
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