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       #Post#: 19968--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: JeanFromBNA
       Date: November 26, 2018, 1:34 pm
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       Back to the bedspread . . . that woman would be on nothing but
       $25 WalMart gift cards from now on, if it were me.
       #Post#: 20004--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: gramma dishes
       Date: November 26, 2018, 4:38 pm
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       Nothing more than a clearly store bought Hallmark card.  Nothing
       enclosed.  Maybe signed.
       #Post#: 20007--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: TootsNYC
       Date: November 26, 2018, 4:44 pm
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       --- Quote from: gramma dishes link ---
       >
       > Nothing more than a clearly store bought Hallmark card.
       Nothing enclosed.  Maybe signed.
       >
       --- End Quote ---
       I used to work with a guy who had a stamp that said, "Warmest
       personal regards, Will"
       He used it to sign all the office birthday cards, etc. (he kept
       it in the office, so I don't know if he used it on anything
       personal)
       It absolutely cracked me up.
       #Post#: 20014--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: VorFemme
       Date: November 26, 2018, 5:07 pm
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       I'd be getting my MIL gift cards to her favorite fast food
       places - which oddly enough was something that my father loved
       getting.  His "fitness" walk was to McDonald's daily to drink
       coffee in the afternoon with some acquaintances and going to
       Taco Bell whenever they went to the next larger town to see
       their doctor.  He liked that "his kids were taking him out to
       lunch" when he pulled on of his gift cards out to pay for for
       his order!
       The other messages on Slate that day were, well, a couple of
       them were downright disturbing.  Nothing to do with etiquette,
       either.
       #Post#: 20030--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: Luci
       Date: November 26, 2018, 6:23 pm
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       Still think it’s not worth messing up relationships further
       for. The DIL sounds young for some some reason and I had my MIL
       for 48 years. At least MIL wrote about it and we hope she didn’t
       write the letter to DIL.
       #Post#: 20048--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: gramma dishes
       Date: November 26, 2018, 7:28 pm
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       --- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
       >
       > [quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=830.msg20004#msg20004
       date=1543271899]
       > Nothing more than a clearly store bought Hallmark card.
       Nothing enclosed.  Maybe signed.
       >
       --- End Quote ---
       I used to work with a guy who had a stamp that said, "Warmest
       personal regards, Will"
       He used it to sign all the office birthday cards, etc. (he kept
       it in the office, so I don't know if he used it on anything
       personal)
       It absolutely cracked me up.
       [/quote]
       Now that's funny!  And how perfect for this situation.   ;D
       #Post#: 20056--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: Winterlight
       Date: November 26, 2018, 8:40 pm
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       Well, I'd say that DIL has learned a valuable lesson- she cannot
       win with this woman, so it's better off to drop the rope and not
       play.
       #Post#: 20072--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: Venus193
       Date: November 27, 2018, 7:07 am
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       The MIL would probably find fault with everything no matter
       what.  The LW is in a no-win situation.
       #Post#: 20163--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: HenrysMom
       Date: November 27, 2018, 9:49 pm
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       --- Quote from: Aleko link ---
       >
       > [quote]Story time:  Years ago, my then DH wanted a long robe
       that wasn’t terry cloth for his birthday.  So I trotted myself
       to every department store in the Bay Area and came up with
       zilch.  So I went to the fabric store, bought a pattern and
       fabric, and sewed late into the night (he was on graveyard
       shift) for 3-4 days in secret, until completed.  On his big day,
       I presented it to him, he liked it, all was good.  The next
       month, he blew off my birthday, and when asked, he said, “Oh you
       only spent $25 on my present, so I shouldn’t have to get you
       anything.”  I didn’t speak to him for a solid week, and my
       mother had to explain the value of a hand-sewn item before he
       apologized.
       --- End Quote ---
       Let me guess: his family just weren't good at giving and
       accepting presents? This really is something you learn (or don't
       learn) as a child. My DH's family was in thrall to a toxic (and
       latterly clinically schizophrenic) aunt who at Christmas and
       birthdays would give his parents some money to buy a present on
       her behalf for her nephew, and insisted on being given in return
       a present of the EXACT same value. If they couldn't find
       something suitable for that price, they had to make the
       difference up with a bag of sweets or something, or there would
       be hell to pay. Sp when DH and I first got together, although he
       is by nature a very generous person, and positively had to be
       discouraged on splashing out on spontaneous gifts whenever I
       mentioned in passing that I liked something, he still looked on
       'official' gifting occasions like Christmas as a joyless ritual
       exchange. Maybe your ex-DH had had a similar experience growing
       up?
       [/quote]
       Nope, it was that I had only “spent” $25 for his birthday.  He
       didn’t factor in the time, effort, and lost sleep I expended to
       make the thing.  My mother had to sit him down and explain that
       me cutting out the pattern, assembly and sewing, setting up AND
       taking down the sewing machine every night before he came home
       in the a.m. (so it’d be a surprise) had value.  It took that
       before he realized that the gift was worth a lot more than $25.
       He kept it for years, until after he left to be with his
       girlfriend, then I threw it away along with everything else I
       had made him.  I’d be a skewered goat before I’d let him enjoy
       my handiwork after that.
       #Post#: 20165--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
   DIR By: VorFemme
       Date: November 27, 2018, 10:55 pm
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       Several decades ago, I made VorGuy a nice thick velour robe and
       later made robes for his parents and grandparents for Christmas
       using the same pattern.
       He still has it, there is a small tear in the fabric but it's
       hanging in the closet.  The new one that he got for Christmas is
       on the bed - but it is longer, so it keeps his legs warmer AND
       there is not a hole (no matter how small) in the fabric.
       He's been wearing that thing longer than our DD has been alive,
       so it has earned an "honorable retirement" - he could even get
       rid of it if he wants...but I'm not going to get rid of it for
       him.
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