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#Post#: 19734--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Hanna
Date: November 24, 2018, 10:38 am
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I think it’s an absolutely lovely gift.
Hope DIL never gives her mother in law anything again. She’s
toxic.
#Post#: 19746--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Luci
Date: November 24, 2018, 1:09 pm
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--- Quote from: Hanna link ---
>
> I think it’s an absolutely lovely gift.
>
> Hope DIL never gives her mother in law anything again. She’s
toxic.
>
--- End Quote ---
DIL did a wonderful thing. MIL seems to have no understanding of
gifts of the heart and time. She is losing out.
My MIL and my stepmother were hurtful to me often. Rather than
make my dad or DH or my children sad or disturbed, I tried to
learn from the offenses. (But I remain hurt even though they a
both long gone.) I’ve inadvertently hurt my daughter and my DIL,
too. They seem to have forgiven me.
It's certainly not worth breaking up family relationships about
or keeping things awkward every time we got together.
I’m not a pushover or a wimp about important things, but that
doesn’t seem worth fighting about.
#Post#: 19752--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Hanna
Date: November 24, 2018, 3:35 pm
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I actually agree with you Luci. Just my over the top first
reaction to the whole thing.
#Post#: 19753--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: bridalviolet
Date: November 24, 2018, 3:42 pm
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I agree MIL is being absolutely ridiculous. My daughter's
in-laws went to New Zealand and brought me back, as a gift,
some lovely local wool, since they know I love to spin. I spun
it up, knit his-and-hers gloves from it, and sent them to said
in-laws. I enjoyed their gift--the experience of spinning and
knitting it--and their thank-you was the gloves. Everyone wins.
#Post#: 19760--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: November 24, 2018, 5:04 pm
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I can imagine DIL lovingly making it all the while imaging how
it would make the LW happy. Because anyone else would be happy
and excited at receiving such a gift.
What a nasty cold woman.
#Post#: 19764--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Venus193
Date: November 24, 2018, 5:44 pm
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The MIL was out of line. The DIL gave her time as well as
whatever she spent on materials. You can't get that back.
I would definitely call a moratorium on gifts for that woman and
restrict her access to any grandchildren. She's dreadful.
#Post#: 19784--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: November 24, 2018, 8:06 pm
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I would bet you a nickel that the gift card, though generous,
was not enough to cover all the yarn she needed for a bedspread!
#Post#: 19786--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: LurkingGurl
Date: November 24, 2018, 8:19 pm
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I don't think it was necessary for the DIL to link the gift card
to the gift that she made.
Presumably MIL gave her the gift card to make something nice for
herself, not to "recycle" into a gift for MIL. It just didn't
need to be mentioned.
It's like I give you a gift card for Lands' End. You then use
it to buy me a sweater telling me that you used the gift card to
do it. I would feel like I just bought my own gift in a way.
I don't know, there is just something too close about it that
makes it seem transactional.
And I realize she is completely ignoring the huge effort of time
and skill that went into making the gift. As well as making a
mountain out of a molehill.
I don't fault MIL for being offended at the connection, but her
DIL certainly didn't mean anything by it and now she is hurting
her DIL.
However, did DIL not know what a loon her MIL up to this point?
I mean, there is a thing as too much information especially to
people who love to build up molehills.
So technically, I don't think DIL did anything wrong. But, it
wasn't the best form to tell MIL the entire backstory to her
bedspread. Just give the gift: Look what I made for you!
Tada!
Where you got your yarn, how you paid for it, etc--none of her
business and better left that way.
#Post#: 19808--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Venus193
Date: November 25, 2018, 10:11 am
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--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> I would bet you a nickel that the gift card, though generous,
was not enough to cover all the yarn she needed for a bedspread!
>
--- End Quote ---
Probably not, but I doubt that the MIL would even think of this.
She is seeing this as re-gifting and most of us don't see it
that way.
#Post#: 19811--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Hanna
Date: November 25, 2018, 11:41 am
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What if the DIL used the gift card to buy yarn, made something
then gave what she made to someone else? I wonder what this MIL
would have thought of that.
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