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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 19681--------------------------------------------------
Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: pierrotlunaire0
Date: November 23, 2018, 5:36 pm
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From Dear Prudence:
HTML https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/11/dear-prudence-violent-brother-host.html<br
/> (the second letter).
To summarize: Daughter-in-law knits and crochets. Mother-in-law
gave DIL a gift card to a local yarn shop for a birthday gift.
In return, DIL made a bedspread for an anniversary gift, and had
the nerve to tell MIL that she used yarn purchased with the gift
card to make the bedspread. MIL is irate that she paid for her
own gift, DIL paid for nothing. Doesn't DIL have any manners?
She has complained to her son, who replied that DIL's time and
labor are the gift. MIL has complained to FIL, who doesn't see
that it is a problem. MIL wants to write a letter to DIL
telling her that the gift was improper and that she is sad that
DIL's parents never taught her proper gift etiquette.
I am completely stumped by this letter. What is the problem? I
could see myself acting like the DIL, thinking that I was making
a lovely gesture, turning your gift into a handmade item, only
for you to berate me for my poor manners. MIL does refer to the
bedspread as lovely, but if she didn't shell out money for the
bedspread, it's an insult?
I do not get this woman at all.
#Post#: 19683--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: November 23, 2018, 5:54 pm
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Do you suppose if the DIL had been given stationery, that the
MIL would be insulted if the first use she made of it was to
write a thank-you note?
I frankly always feel guilty when I give someone stationery, and
they do that--it wasn't a hint, and it wasn't so I could
benefit--but I don't get MAD! I just feel a little guilty that
they didn't get "full" use out of their stationery.
#Post#: 19685--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: lakey
Date: November 23, 2018, 5:56 pm
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MIL doesn't like DIL and is looking for things to criticize her
for. For many of us, time and effort are a more generous gift
than forking over some money to purchase something. If MIL
writes her scoldy, scoldy letter, I think DIL should distance
herself from MIL until MIL can behave herself.
#Post#: 19687--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: ZekailleTasker
Date: November 23, 2018, 6:02 pm
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Wow. Another person whose hobby is actively looking for ways to
be offended. My Mom and Grandmother were gifted with needles
and yarn. If it was something too intricate for my Mom, she
bought the yarn and my grandmother would make what she wanted as
a gift. I went in on yarn with my Mom sometimes because I
cannot knit or crochet at all. This woman is beyond the pale!
n
Also, was anyone else horrified by the first and third letters?
The idiot who doesn't see the problem with his creepy, violent
brother being in the same room with his 14 year old daughter was
mind boggling...And the letter abut the Mom who doesn't want her
oldest daughter's birth father, nor the child's paternal
grandparents to "overgift" her because it isn't "fair" to the
kids by her new husband made me see red on the girl's behalf.
#Post#: 19688--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: sandisadie
Date: November 23, 2018, 6:03 pm
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The only breach of manners I see in this is that the MIL doesn't
have any; and evidently doesn't really like the DIL after all.
I have actually taken something that I was given as a gift and
made an item with it and given it to someone, not the person who
initially gave me the materials, but I could have given it to
them. If I had gifted them I would have expected them to be
happy that I took my time and my knowledge to create a beautiful
and useful item. This MIL isn't a nice person IMO.
#Post#: 19690--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: oogyda
Date: November 23, 2018, 6:09 pm
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And then....let's just go ahead and insult DIL's parents while
we're at it.
#Post#: 19691--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Pattycake
Date: November 23, 2018, 6:11 pm
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MIL has a problem, for sure. The DIL could have used her own
money, and used the gift card to make something for someone
else, so what's the difference except that DIL was able to turn
around right away and make the MIL something instead of maybe
waiting for next payday or something. Did she expect DIL to make
herself something? I think THAT's kinda rude - "here, here's
some cash go make yourself something...."
#Post#: 19712--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Star Wars Fan
Date: November 24, 2018, 3:35 am
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I agree with whoever said the mother-in-law doesn't like her
daughter-in-law and is just looking for something to complain
about. If somebody were that ungrateful with me I'd never make
anything for them again.
Ed.
#Post#: 19722--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: gramma dishes
Date: November 24, 2018, 9:04 am
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--- Quote from: Star Wars Fan link ---
>
> I agree with whoever said the mother-in-law doesn't like her
daughter-in-law and is just looking for something to complain
about. If somebody were that ungrateful with me I'd never make
anything for them again.
>
> Ed.
>
--- End Quote ---
People like this MIL really make me appreciate the one I had!
I'd hate to have to deal with this one.
#Post#: 19729--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this really an etiquette gaffe?
DIR By: Thitpualso
Date: November 24, 2018, 10:15 am
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This is a rare occasion when I agree with Prudie.
MIL gave a gift card. She didn’t directly give the yarn. DIL
used the card to buy yarn and make an admittedly lovely
bedspread for MIL. Most people would see this as a touching
gift especially considering the time and skill involved.
If DIL was a potter and used the gift card to buy clay and make
a beautiful vase as an anniversary gift would MIL feel the same?
As someone has said, ‘No good deed goes unpunished’.
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