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#Post#: 19839--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: katiekat2009 Date: November 25, 2018, 5:07 pm
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[quote author=lmyrs link=topic=829.msg19659#msg19659
date=1542997917]
I'm confused about what the 1st guest did that would cause you
not to invite them back? The 2nd guest did the inviting, right?
The 1st guest just heard about it on the phone. Unless I'm
misunderstanding the whole post.
[/quote]
First guest may have known ahead of time but definitely knew
after 2nd guest called but did not tell me. I am disappointed
that this happened so definitely won't be issuing a Christmas
invitation.
#Post#: 19915--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: lowspark Date: November 26, 2018, 9:19 am
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I agree that I simply would not invite these people again. They
were rude. I don't think I'd try to educate them on manners now,
though. It might seem a little weird after the fact.
If the other couple says something, I'd go with the "space was
limited" type of answer. "I would love to have invited everyone
I know but unfortunately I couldn't."
Particularly for a seated dinner, I would be appalled if any of
my guests took it upon themselves to invite others without at
least asking me first. I've definitely had people ask if they
can bring a friend or an out-of-town guest to a party I've
invited them to, but at least that gives me the option to say
yes or no.
#Post#: 19961--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: NFPwife Date: November 26, 2018, 12:23 pm
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=829.msg19915#msg19915
date=1543245557]
I agree that I simply would not invite these people again. They
were rude. I don't think I'd try to educate them on manners now,
though. It might seem a little weird after the fact.
If the other couple says something, I'd go with the "space was
limited" type of answer. "I would love to have invited everyone
I know but unfortunately I couldn't."
Particularly for a seated dinner, I would be appalled if any of
my guests took it upon themselves to invite others without at
least asking me first. I've definitely had people ask if they
can bring a friend or an out-of-town guest to a party I've
invited them too, but at least that gives me the option to say
yes or no.
[/quote]
I think the "space was limited" answer is the best to give the
uninvited couple if they ask. I doubt they'll ask though.
Typically, people have better manners than that. They might
bring it up in passing in a "So and so said they had a nice time
at your Thanksgiving dinner," I'd try to read the climate on the
comment and see if they are looking for an explanation as to why
they weren't invited and then use the "space was limited" if an
explanation seemed warranted.
I've been in situations where I educated the person who made a
gaffe like this on the proper etiquette if I thought the person
would be receptive and if I was planning on maintaining a
friendship. It doesn't seem like you plan on inviting them
again, so I'd let it go. If either guest asks why they haven't
been invited again (and, given their manners on this invitation,
they might) I'd have no problem explaining the misstep then.
#Post#: 20522--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: Rain Date: December 2, 2018, 10:41 am
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any updates?
#Post#: 20580--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: Venus193 Date: December 2, 2018, 11:20 pm
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Fade out and don't invite them again. If they have the nerve to
ask why they weren't invited for Christmas, tell them.
#Post#: 20585--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: Aleko Date: December 3, 2018, 2:11 am
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Since this thread is still running:
I do wonder if these two people, having somehow got it firmly
into their heads that katiekat would "surely" be planning to
invite this couple as well, managed to misunderstand her
statement "I haven't invited them" as meaning "I haven't got
round to it yet" or "I haven't managed to contact them", and
decided to Be Helpful. This does seem more likely than that they
decided to invite these people in the full knowledge that
katiekat didn't want them. We all know how easy it is, if you're
convinced of something, to fail to register when told it isn't
so.
Of course they had no business to stick their oar in at all: no
good can possibly come of interfering between hostess and
invitee. But it is less bad manners than inviting someone
contrary to the hostess's stated wishes (as katiekat thought
they had) or just without reference to her at all.
Edited to add:
and if katiekat does decide to tackle them about this incident,
it might be tactful to assume the best and say "I know you were
only trying to be helpful by contacting Couple X, but actually
you had completely misunderstood. It would have been massively
embarrassing for me - and for them, and for you - if people who
I had never planned to invite had turned up on my doorstep
believing they were expected guests. Please, don't ever do
anything like that again!"
#Post#: 24472--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: Twik Date: January 22, 2019, 2:12 pm
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Some of this may be due to how "mature" the couple was. When
you're in high school or college, parties are often arranged by
just "putting the word out" rather than inviting people
directly. If these people are still (actually or mentally) in
the high school/college mindset, they may not have internalized
why this just doesn't work for a sit-down dinner.
If so, it may be difficult to explain to them why telling people
"X is having a party - come by, it should be fun" isn't the way
adult parties are run.
#Post#: 24496--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: baritone108 Date: January 22, 2019, 8:22 pm
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I had something similar happen for Christmas with different
consequences.
Background: A few years ago I re-connected with my deceased
husband's stepson from his first marriage. Stepson (A) is 55
and I have known him since he was 11. When we re-connected he
had just come out of a period of homelessness and had very
little to his name. I am alone on Christmas Eve so I invited A
and his best friend B (both of whom are otherwise alone) for
dinner. The evening went well.
This past year I invited A and B and another friend from the
past we found, C, for Christmas Eve. About 1 week before A tell
me in a phone call that he has invited D to my house for
Christmas Eve. D is a new friend of A's who has also recently
been homeless and is alone. I was annoyed but didn't say
anything because there is room in my house and I don't think
anyone should have to be alone at Christmas. I bought some more
food and a small gift for D. [We would be exchanging gifts and
I never have a guest just sit and watch while we do this.] Then
on the 22nd, A calls to tell me that D won't be coming as he is
uncomfortable going to the home of someone he doesn't know. I
ended up with leftover expensive food I needn't have bought and
a gift that is still siting in my spare room.
This year I will be having a talk with A sometime around
September about asking me first before inviting anyone else to
my house for Christmas Eve.
#Post#: 24553--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: HenrysMom Date: January 23, 2019, 10:15 pm
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[quote author=baritone108 link=topic=829.msg24496#msg24496
date=1548210134]
I had something similar happen for Christmas with different
consequences.
Background: A few years ago I re-connected with my deceased
husband's stepson from his first marriage. Stepson (A) is 55
and I have known him since he was 11. When we re-connected he
had just come out of a period of homelessness and had very
little to his name. I am alone on Christmas Eve so I invited A
and his best friend B (both of whom are otherwise alone) for
dinner. The evening went well.
This past year I invited A and B and another friend from the
past we found, C, for Christmas Eve. About 1 week before A tell
me in a phone call that he has invited D to my house for
Christmas Eve. D is a new friend of A's who has also recently
been homeless and is alone. I was annoyed but didn't say
anything because there is room in my house and I don't think
anyone should have to be alone at Christmas. I bought some more
food and a small gift for D. [We would be exchanging gifts and
I never have a guest just sit and watch while we do this.] Then
on the 22nd, A calls to tell me that D won't be coming as he is
uncomfortable going to the home of someone he doesn't know. I
ended up with leftover expensive food I needn't have bought and
a gift that is still siting in my spare room.
This year I will be having a talk with A sometime around
September about asking me first before inviting anyone else to
my house for Christmas Eve.
[/quote]
It actually sounds like D, at least, was brought up right.
#Post#: 25121--------------------------------------------------
Re: The nerve of some guests!
By: bopper Date: February 1, 2019, 3:05 pm
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If my DD told me something, and then I asked "did you tell
dad"...and she said no, i might then tell Dad.
As in, Did you tell Dad, because if you didn't I will do it for
you.
SO maybe person 2 took it that way.."Did you invite X? Because
if you didn't i can take care of that."
Of course they have assumed that you would naturallly be
inviting person X. Maybe Person x is also a stray and if you are
inviting all the strays, then of course you would want to invite
them.
But you interpreted "I did not invite X" because I didn't and I
don't want to.
I agree with the others...if you dont' want to deal with person
again let it go.
If you ever think you will invite them to something then say
something like mentioned above.
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