DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: The Work Day
*****************************************************
#Post#: 19368--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: gramma dishes Date: November 19, 2018, 3:20 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=820.msg19341#msg19341
date=1542649625]
... I only know that he is leaving (and not on a break), because
I hear the key turning in the door locking me in. ...
[/quote]
What the heck does this mean? He locks you in your office? ???
#Post#: 19386--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: guest657 Date: November 19, 2018, 7:54 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=820.msg19368#msg19368
date=1542662459]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=820.msg19341#msg19341
date=1542649625]
... I only know that he is leaving (and not on a break), because
I hear the key turning in the door locking me in. ...
[/quote]
What the heck does this mean? He locks you in your office? ???
[/quote]
I think it means the front door of the suite or the building, so
nobody can walk in when the office is closed. Obviously OP can
leave at will, or this would have been a very different
question!
OP, I don't think this is rude but it isn't helpful, either. As
you say, it's good to know if you're going to be the only one
working after hours.
It's perfectly reasonable to bring this up: "Co-worker, could
you let me know when you're leaving for the day? It's safer if I
know for sure whether I'm hearing you moving around, or someone
unauthorized."
#Post#: 19390--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: Dazi Date: November 19, 2018, 8:34 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
First, I don't consider this ghosting in any context.
Second, I can't say whether this is just a difference in
communication styles/expectations or if he is deliberately
snubbing you. Some people just don't feel the need to announce
what they are doing or when they are leaving.
Unless it directly affected a CW, there have been times I have
not told them I'm leaving and vice versa. This is especially
true for those who have a set time off or relatively same set
time off where they are leaving around the same time each day.
#Post#: 19391--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: Surly Date: November 19, 2018, 8:44 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=820.msg19350#msg19350
date=1542657048]
[quote author=Surly link=topic=820.msg19348#msg19348
date=1542656395]
Yeah, I probably wouldn't think to say goodbye or give you an
update either, unless there was a specific reason I thought you
needed to know. I'd assume it was better not to interrupt you.
So I doubt he's being rude!
Also I think the word ghosting means something different? More
like if someone you're dating breaks up with you by just
ignoring your communication.
[/quote]
I've heard "ghosting" used in reference to someone in a
relationship just disappearing (and yes, ignoring
communications), as well as disappearing at a party. But I will
gladly stand correctly if I am wrong.
[/quote]
Ah, okay, this is a new application of the term for me.
From your update, there's a wall between the two of you. In his
position, it wouldn't occur to me to explicitly let you know I
was going for a break or at the end of the day. I think your
expectations might be normal in some offices, but not reasonable
here.
#Post#: 19399--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: Aleko Date: November 20, 2018, 2:42 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Whatever the layout and practices of your workplace, it's
important to know - for safety reasons, if nothing else - when
you are working alone in it. And the fact that he steps out
briefly so often means that when he walks out the door it's not
clear to you if he's just doing that or actually leaving. I
think you should tell him formally that when you and he are the
only people in the office he needs to tell you when he is
leaving the premises, either to go home for the day or for a
significant length of time, such as his lunch hour, so you know
you are on your own. And if after that he still doesn't, raise
the issue with your manager.
If he routinely told you when he was leaving, I don't think he
would need to tell you when he was just stepping out for a smoke
break or whatever - he is still 'on the premises', just about,
and available if you ended to call him in urgently. And I
wouldn't stress about greetings and farewells. Some people's
minds just don't work like that, and they don't mean to snub you
by not giving them; they just don't know what the fuss is about.
(He quite possibly has failed to notice that among your
greetings you have been telling him whenever you are leaving him
alone in the office.)
Edited to add: if he's someone (perhaps Asperger's spectrum or
some such, or even just an antisocial grump) who just doesn't
'get' social interaction, it's possible that he simply tunes out
all your remarks as white noise. Whenever you leave him alone in
the office it might be a good idea to say so more specifically,
even if you say it jokily, e.g. 'I'm off to lunch - you're
flying solo till I get back'. If he asks 'Why do you feel the
need to tell me that?' you simply say 'Because I want you to
tell me that when you go leaving me on my own'.
#Post#: 19422--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: bopper Date: November 20, 2018, 9:39 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Bare minimum: he tells you when he is leaving when it affects
YOU.
So if you have to cover his work, then he should let you know.
If you are completely independent, then him ghosting has no work
effect on you.
Now if people ask you where he is, you can say "I have
absolutely no idea" if he ghosts.
If that doesn't happen often, then no problem.
If it happens all the time, "Bob, Jane stopped by. She asked
where you were. If you want me to be able to reply you can let
me know when you will be back when you step out."
#Post#: 19424--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 20, 2018, 9:51 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=lowspark link=topic=820.msg19359#msg19359
date=1542660092]
On the other hand, it doesn't sound like you really have that
kind of office atmosphere or even really much of a friendly
relationship with your coworker. I wonder if you tried being
more friendly if that would make a difference. Do you ever
strike up a casual conversation, like talking about your weekend
or asking about his?
It doesn't sound like you need to know if he's there or not,
right? I mean, it sounds like you don't have any necessary
interaction or take phone messages for each other, etc. So maybe
it just never occurred to him to go out of his way to tell you,
even though he tells his boss, who probably does need to
know.[/quote]
When boss is in the office, it is a pretty friendly office, so I
would not say that we do not have that atmosphere. Coworker (who
does irk me in other ways, but for the purpose of this
conversation, I suppose we can delete the irk) and I are
professionally friendly. We have pleasant conversations, but I
do not really go out of my way (nor does he) to be closer. While
I have no interest in adding him to my inner circle of friends,
I could make more effort to be closer. However, typically when I
ask about his weekend and such he always has a negative spin on
things (which is I find the Negative Nelly act to be a bit
draining). When he never really asked about my life, I did not
put in as much effort, but I certainly could. (If the only
reason that I would be attempting to strengthen this
relationship would be to get “good bye”, then in my book it
would not be worth it. But I am willing to acknowledge that this
is all my doing.)
Boss is probably the one who needs to know if he’s there more
than I do (mainly so he can manage whether he is working or
not.) The only thing that does affect me is that if he’s not
acting as gatekeeper, then I step up and do it. It’s just nice
to know that I should be listening to the door more.
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=820.msg19399#msg19399
date=1542703350]
Edited to add: if he's someone (perhaps Asperger's spectrum or
some such, or even just an antisocial grump) who just doesn't
'get' social interaction, it's possible that he simply tunes out
all your remarks as white noise. Whenever you leave him alone in
the office it might be a good idea to say so more specifically,
even if you say it jokily, e.g. 'I'm off to lunch - you're
flying solo till I get back'. If he asks 'Why do you feel the
need to tell me that?' you simply say 'Because I want you to
tell me that when you go leaving me on my own'.
[/quote]
No, I do not sense that he is on the spectrum. Although, this is
excellent advice if that was the situation.
From the responses, I am sensing that this issue is mine. That
he owes me no greetings / good-bye’s what-so-ever. While it
would be nice to know when I am alone in the office, it only
effects my job slightly. So, I am going with “not rude”.
I appreciate all the thoughts!
#Post#: 19465--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: daen Date: November 20, 2018, 9:48 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
When my current boss started, he had a habit of getting up
quietly and leaving his office without a word to anyone. So we'd
look up and the office would be empty, and we would start
guessing - is Boss elsewhere on the floor? Did he step out for
some air? Is he at a meeting? Did he leave for the day? (in the
early days, there was some experimenting with flex schedules).
After a while - maybe a month? - of this, I caught him at a slow
time and asked him to please let us know when he left and if he
was stepping out, headed for meeting, or done for the day, so we
would at least be able to tell callers when they could expect a
return call. He's been meticulous about that since then, and
it's made life much easier.
#Post#: 19639--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: katiekat2009 Date: November 23, 2018, 10:25 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Depends. I had a co-worker who had to know every detail about
what I was doing and always wanted to go to lunch with me or
have me pick up something for her. I got to where I would slip
out a back door when it was time for lunch. If you are having to
cover for him, though, he should at least give you a passing,
"I'm leaving."
#Post#: 19675--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: Uncle Rupert Date: November 23, 2018, 3:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Yes, it is rude. People have no social skills anymore. These
millennials have no idea how to even talk to people. They just
stare at their phones. Everything is on the damn phone! What
will happen when a meteor takes out the power grid? Will they be
able to function?
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page