DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: The Work Day
*****************************************************
#Post#: 19341--------------------------------------------------
Ghosting At Work
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 19, 2018, 11:47 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Is ghosting at work rude?
I work in a very small office. There are many days when it is
just co-irker and myself there. My co-irker sits at the desk
closest to the door and runs in and outside all day, I assume
for smoke breaks or to take personal phone calls, but it’s
really none of my business. Those exits are never announced and
I do not really anticipate that he needs to, as he is just
walking around the parking lot. However, he has started that
when he is leaving for lunch or for the day that he just
disappears. I only know that he is leaving (and not on a break),
because I hear the key turning in the door locking me in.
When boss is in the office, he will walk to his desk (walking
past mine) to say good bye or to ask to leave early. When he
passes my desk to depart, I will get a passing good bye. Rarely,
when boss isn’t in, he will shout a good bye as he exits, but
most days I just hear the door slam and the key turn.
I cannot get out of the building without passing his desk,
although even if I could, I would not change my behavior, as I
always say something to him in passing. On the rare occasion
that I go to lunch, I will say something like, “Off to lunch” or
“I’ll return” or even something more whimsical like “I’m going
to play outside for a bit.” If I am leaving for the day, I try
to wish him a good evening. I do not feel the necessity to share
all my details, but I do try to give him enough information that
he knows my status (in-office, gone but returning, or done for
the day.)
So, is it rude to disappear like he does or am I expecting too
much?
#Post#: 19344--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: Jem Date: November 19, 2018, 12:49 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think it depends. Some people (like you) feel almost snubbed
if someone does not announce their departure. Others would find
it irritating to be interrupted. I know when I leave my
workplace I will say goodbye to people I see directly on my way
out, like in the hallway, but I certainly do not poke my head
into every office or say something to every person in a cube I
pass. Perhaps some people do, but I know I would find it
irritating if everyone came to tell me that they were leaving
work so I treat others as I would want to be treated. It sounds
like your coworker is sortof like me - he says goodbye/says he
is leaving when it makes sense in his mind to do so, like when
he passes you because he had to in order to talk to the person
giving him permission to leave. I don't think it is rude absent
some other indicia of general rudeness.
#Post#: 19345--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 19, 2018, 1:07 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jem link=topic=820.msg19344#msg19344
date=1542653374]
I think it depends. Some people (like you) feel almost snubbed
if someone does not announce their departure. Others would find
it irritating to be interrupted. I know when I leave my
workplace I will say goodbye to people I see directly on my way
out, like in the hallway, but I certainly do not poke my head
into every office or say something to every person in a cube I
pass. Perhaps some people do, but I know I would find it
irritating if everyone came to tell me that they were leaving
work so I treat others as I would want to be treated. It sounds
like your coworker is sortof like me - he says goodbye/says he
is leaving when it makes sense in his mind to do so, like when
he passes you because he had to in order to talk to the person
giving him permission to leave. I don't think it is rude absent
some other indicia of general rudeness.
[/quote]
That's a fair perspective. Although in your situation, I would
not say good bye to everyone either. I would do so to anyone I
cross in passing (as you do) and anyone who needs to know (ie.
maybe a coworker that I work closely with.) Sure, part of me is
feeling snubbed, but I mainly like to know that he is MIA,
because that means that I am alone in the office and need to
listen for the door (anyone knocking or if he did not lock it,
then anyone who just walked in.) But like I said, it's fair that
he may think that he is being more polite by not interrupting
me.
#Post#: 19348--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: Surly Date: November 19, 2018, 1:39 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, I probably wouldn't think to say goodbye or give you an
update either, unless there was a specific reason I thought you
needed to know. I'd assume it was better not to interrupt you.
So I doubt he's being rude!
Also I think the word ghosting means something different? More
like if someone you're dating breaks up with you by just
ignoring your communication.
#Post#: 19350--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 19, 2018, 1:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Surly link=topic=820.msg19348#msg19348
date=1542656395]
Yeah, I probably wouldn't think to say goodbye or give you an
update either, unless there was a specific reason I thought you
needed to know. I'd assume it was better not to interrupt you.
So I doubt he's being rude!
Also I think the word ghosting means something different? More
like if someone you're dating breaks up with you by just
ignoring your communication.
[/quote]
I've heard "ghosting" used in reference to someone in a
relationship just disappearing (and yes, ignoring
communications), as well as disappearing at a party. But I will
gladly stand correctly if I am wrong.
#Post#: 19351--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: Rose Red Date: November 19, 2018, 1:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Why do you call him "co-irker?" Because of this one habit or for
bigger issues?
Depending on your working relationship, he either feels you
don't like him so have stopped communicating, or he just doesn't
want to interrupt you because he thinks you can see him leave.
Maybe he tells the boss he's leaving because the boss in in the
office and can't see that.
#Post#: 19352--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: Hanna Date: November 19, 2018, 2:08 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't always say hello or goodbye to people at work, but I
definitely would if I worked in an office with just 1-2 people.
Particularly if I was leaving just one other person in the
building when I stepped out. I think that's common courtesy
but I would also give him the benefit of asking him kindly to do
this so he knows it's your preference.
#Post#: 19357--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 19, 2018, 2:31 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=820.msg19351#msg19351
date=1542657082]
Why do you call him "co-irker?" Because of this one habit or for
bigger issues?
Depending on your working relationship, he either feels you
don't like him so have stopped communicating, or he just doesn't
want to interrupt you because he thinks you can see him leave.
Maybe he tells the boss he's leaving because the boss in in the
office and can't see that.
[/quote]
There's bigger issues with this individual, but was generally
curious about this particular one. Was co-irker not the term
used at the old site? I suppose that I could have just called
him a coworker, too.
I'm not sure what he thinks that I think of him... although I
don't think it concerns him much either. But I am willing to
give him the benefit of the doubt that he may not want to
interrupt me. However, I cannot see him come or go (there's a
wall). I can typically hear the door shut and sometimes the key
turning (if it is quiet enough.) Maybe he thinks I can hear him
and that's enough notice? If he is telling boss that he's
leaving, then he must be texting / emailing, because he only
does this when boss is not in the office. It's not my concern as
to when he leaves, so I have to assume that when he leaves early
that he is communicating it with the boss. I just found it so
strange and off putting that his niceties have lessened, but
maybe I shouldn't.
#Post#: 19359--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: lowspark Date: November 19, 2018, 2:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I believe in being friendly in the workplace so I definitely say
Hi/Bye to the people around me. The atmosphere in my office is
such that saying "good morning" and having a brief chat
occasionally is the norm.
So it would seem pretty weird if I were leaving and didn't say
goodbye to the people around me, or vice versa. And particularly
in an office with so few people.
On the other hand, it doesn't sound like you really have that
kind of office atmosphere or even really much of a friendly
relationship with your coworker. I wonder if you tried being
more friendly if that would make a difference. Do you ever
strike up a casual conversation, like talking about your weekend
or asking about his?
It doesn't sound like you need to know if he's there or not,
right? I mean, it sounds like you don't have any necessary
interaction or take phone messages for each other, etc. So maybe
it just never occurred to him to go out of his way to tell you,
even though he tells his boss, who probably does need to know.
#Post#: 19363--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ghosting At Work
By: Rose Red Date: November 19, 2018, 3:08 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=820.msg19357#msg19357
date=1542659478]
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=820.msg19351#msg19351
date=1542657082]
Why do you call him "co-irker?" Because of this one habit or for
bigger issues?
Depending on your working relationship, he either feels you
don't like him so have stopped communicating, or he just doesn't
want to interrupt you because he thinks you can see him leave.
Maybe he tells the boss he's leaving because the boss in in the
office and can't see that.
[/quote]
There's bigger issues with this individual, but was generally
curious about this particular one. Was co-irker not the term
used at the old site? I suppose that I could have just called
him a coworker, too.
[/quote]
I thought co-irker is what we called those who irks us. Which is
why I asked because I wondered if perhaps he can sense that he
irks you. Now he wants as little interaction as possible.
Who knows what's in his head? If it bothers you, you can ask
that he gives you a heads-up when he leaves. If it doesn't
bother you, I'd let it go.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page