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#Post#: 19288--------------------------------------------------
Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: irises08
Date: November 18, 2018, 8:43 pm
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Wanted to seek your opinion.......as a background, I have been
told that I have a good memory and can recall facts etc. As
well, I have a photographic memory. I consider myself modest
and do not boast. When someone asks a question and I know the
answer, I will provide it. Otherwise, I stay silent, listen and
enjoy the conversation. I have a friend from work who is
known for sarcasm. At work recently, a colleague asked me a
question and I answered it in the presence of this friend, my
friend then said: "Oh you sound like 'RainMan' and give out
useless information" (reference to RainMain is from the movie in
the late 80's about a man who could recite random facts, etc).
I found this to be insulting and hurtful since to me it inferred
that I am socially awkward (which I feel very comfortable
socially and was raised to have good manners). It was
embarrassing since it was done in front of someone else. I did
not say anything since I did not want to then embarrass my
friend.....but the next time it happens, I will have to take
them aside and tell them how I feel. I realize that some people
use sarcasm as a defense mechanism and think they are being
funny, but sometimes it hurts. What are your thoughts? Has
anyone had an experience like this? Thank you!
#Post#: 19290--------------------------------------------------
Re: Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: HenrysMom
Date: November 18, 2018, 9:27 pm
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I feel for you - I’ve had those kind of backhanded compliment(s)
said to me and it does sting.
Whether he meant it as that or whether it was a foot sandwich is
hard to tell. Maybe if it happens again, you could ask “what do
you mean by that?” If he starts sputtering about “can’t take a
joke,” then you have your answer and can act accordingly.
#Post#: 19295--------------------------------------------------
Re: Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: Rho
Date: November 18, 2018, 10:45 pm
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a colleague asked me a question and I answered it in the
presence of this friend, my friend then said: "Oh you sound
like 'RainMan' and give out useless information"
If you answered a question--it was NOT useless information.
#Post#: 19297--------------------------------------------------
Re: Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: Hanna
Date: November 18, 2018, 10:48 pm
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I think the person saying this to you sounds socially awkward.
You just answered a question!
Was it a difficult question? It sounds like he might be
intimidated by your intelligence.
#Post#: 19298--------------------------------------------------
Re: Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: November 18, 2018, 10:56 pm
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I might suggest you practice a mild "ouch!" to say.
And then when he says, "I'm joking," or "well, I'm right," you
can say, again, mildly: "Nevertheless."
And then change the subject.
#Post#: 19300--------------------------------------------------
Re: Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: guest657
Date: November 18, 2018, 11:26 pm
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Of course it was insulting. Your friend may not have been
wanting to deliberately hurt you, but they made a joke at your
expense, which isn't kind. (Also not very funny).
I used to throw out a lot of snarky comments when I was younger,
because I thought of it like a game of tag. But of course, the
people I was "tagging" hadn't necessarily volunteered to play.
The best thing that ever happened to me in that regard was when
a friend turned around and asked, "Why would you say that?" I
could see that I'd really overstepped and hurt her feelings. It
made me stop and listen to myself. I apologized and really
started working on using my filter and finding ways to be silly
and playful without being mean or hurtful.
Go ahead and speak up. You'll be doing your friend a favor.
#Post#: 19302--------------------------------------------------
Re: Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: November 19, 2018, 12:00 am
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I agree it was insulting (sorry!). If your friend had merely
compared you to Rainman, it might have been a clumsy compliment
(ie praising your amazing knowledge rather than your supposed
social awkwardness), but the comment about "giving our useless
information" well and truly tips it into the realm of insulting.
With people like that, I don't think pulling them aside and
explaining they hurt your feelings does much good. I'd bet
donuts to dollars that if you try this, your friend will get
resentful and defensive, and/or tell you that it was meant to be
a joke, and that you're being too sensitive, etc.
Instead, I like the idea of calling it out in the moment. "Ouch"
or "why would you say that?" are excellent suggestions.
#Post#: 19312--------------------------------------------------
Re: Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: STiG
Date: November 19, 2018, 7:06 am
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I would have found being compared to RainMan insulting, too. He
didn't answer questions; he spouted random facts and was not
neurotypical.
I have answered questions before, with rather obscure pieces of
information. And have been called 'Encyclopedia Brown', after
the character in some children's books of the same name, where
the title character is very smart. I choose to take that as a
compliment!
#Post#: 19316--------------------------------------------------
Re: Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: November 19, 2018, 8:21 am
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You are certainly entitled to your feelings and I understand why
you and others are finding it insulting. But I would not, as I
do not think that your friend was saying that you are socially
awkward. I think that friend was simply trying to compliment
your memory in a comical way (even if it was a miss for you.) I
would probably let this one go, but if friend does it again, I
would point out that I was hurt. If friend is truly a friend,
then they will not want to say anything that is upsetting you
and will try to be more sensitive in the future.
Now if friend is the type to always put you down, then I might
think that friend's intentions were different.
#Post#: 19317--------------------------------------------------
Re: Need your opinion...insult or sarcasm?
DIR By: Pattycake
Date: November 19, 2018, 8:30 am
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I think if your friend had stopped after saying you sounded like
Rainman, I would have let it go, but the added bit about
spouting useless information wasn't funny and I don't think it
was intended to be. How is answering a question spouting useless
info? I agree with those who say if it happens again, call your
friend out on it.
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