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#Post#: 18910--------------------------------------------------
To invite or not.
By: kidsandme Date: November 12, 2018, 8:36 pm
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This is a hypothetical question since the party is canceled.
Would you invite someone to your party that you knew did not
invite you to their party?
This involves a kids party.
The backstory is that Klyn told Lole that he is having a party
for his birthday and Lole is inivted.
Lole's mom told Lole that Klyn needs to give him and invitation
than he can attend. This was relayed back to Klyn at school.
Later Klyn tells Lole that he will ask his mom and get an
invitation for Lole.
The party happens, Lole does not get an invitation.
Mutual friends of Lole and Klyn have been invited/went to the
party. Talks before and after the party about the party have
happened around Lole.
Now Lole is having a party and originally was going to invite
Klyn but has changed his mind, once he remembered the Klyn party
incident.
A little more background is that this is the first time Lole and
Klyn have been in the same class. Lole has only been at the
school a few years. Lole has never invited Klyn to his party
because he has only had on party since being at this new school.
Lole and Klyn's parents have not interacted, because their paths
have not crossed.
Question 1. I have based on this situation above, would you
invite Klyn if their are unlimited invites?
Question 2. Jacob is in the same grade as Lole, but have not
been in the same class, due to Lole being relatively new. But
Jacob and Lole have mutual friends and may know each others name
due to the other kids playing and calling each others names out
but never talking to each other. Would you invite Jacob because
you(Parent) don't want anyone to feel left out. Again having
unlimited invites.
The kids are primary grade and young.
#Post#: 18912--------------------------------------------------
Re: To invite or not.
By: guest657 Date: November 12, 2018, 9:21 pm
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The rule of thumb is that you are going to invite more than half
of a group, you should invite the whole group. Leaving one
person out of a whole-class party is just cruel.
It's quite understandable that the child would have hurt
feelings and not want to invite the person who hurt them. But
that doesn't make it okay to single them out.
If the birthday child feels strongly that they don't want to
invite the "culprit," then the number of guests should be
limited. Child's age plus one is a common guideline.
I don't force my kids to socialize with people they don't like.
Often they have good reasons for their dislikes. So I'd give
them a choice: big party with the whole class - but that means
the **whole** class, including the culprit. And they must be
just as welcoming and nice to that kid as any other guest.
Or a smaller party with just a few friends they chose.
Even better would be to talk with the culprit (I'm sorry I can't
scroll back and see names on my phone) and ask what happened. It
could be the parent failed to provide a paper invitation, the
kid lost it, or was told he couldn't add any more guests, or
something. It may not have been deliberate on the kid's part.
In any event, it's always good to teach our kids how to be the
bigger person. You can avoid a hurtful person without
deliberately hurting them back, and hurting someone back never
really makes anything better in the long run.
#Post#: 18914--------------------------------------------------
Re: To invite or not.
By: TootsNYC Date: November 12, 2018, 10:55 pm
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I would invite them both. Though if my kid really was mad at
Klyn, I wouldn't push it. But I'd point out that Klyn meant to
invite Lole, but that he was stuck needing his mom to create the
invite, and maybe he forgot to tell his mom, or his mom forgot
to do it. And that it might be nice to forgive him and try
again.
#Post#: 18916--------------------------------------------------
Re: To invite or not.
By: lakey Date: November 13, 2018, 12:08 am
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If Klyn is a primary grade child, let's say 6 years old, he
couldn't be depended on to tell his mother that Lole needed a
paper invitation. They lose things, they forget to tell mom,
they mess up verbal messages. They'd lose their heads if they
weren't attached. There's no telling what happened. I would tell
Lole that it was probably just a misunderstanding and invite
Klyn.
If most of the kids that Jacob plays with are invited, I would
consider inviting him. Who knows, he might become good friends
with Lole.
#Post#: 18920--------------------------------------------------
Re: To invite or not.
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 13, 2018, 7:39 am
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I agree with the others; miscommunication happens. It sounds
like Klyn intended to invite Lole, but something happened (and
very likely something simple and not malicious.) Klyn and his
mom may even think that they did invite Lole and feel hurt that
he did not RSVP or attend... anything's possible in this
situation. Unless there's more to their relationship, I would
include him. This might be the opportunity to bury the hatchet
and for the parents to get to know each other (and maybe prevent
these misses from happening again.)
One of the important lessons that I have learned with my adult
friends is forgiveness. Sometimes they don't have their act
together and they mess up. That's not to say that there are not
consequences to screw-up's, but when a friend meant no harm, I
see no reason to hold a grudge... even when it does sting a bit.
Hopefully that friend will forgive me when I error (and it will
happen at some point.) I think that these lessons are learned in
childhood, but they are important for all of our lives with all
of our relationships.
#Post#: 18923--------------------------------------------------
Re: To invite or not.
By: oogyda Date: November 13, 2018, 8:26 am
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Were there actual-paper-invitations issued for Klyn's party? Or
were all invitations verbal?
#Post#: 18927--------------------------------------------------
Re: To invite or not.
By: gramma dishes Date: November 13, 2018, 9:59 am
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[quote author=kidsandme link=topic=809.msg18910#msg18910
date=1542076600]
...
The backstory is that Klyn told Lole that he is having a party
for his birthday and Lole is inivted.
Lole's mom told Lole that Klyn needs to give him and invitation
than he can attend. This was relayed back to Klyn at school.
Later Klyn tells Lole that he will ask his mom and get an
invitation for Lole.
The party happens, Lole does not get an invitation.
Mutual friends of Lole and Klyn have been invited/went to the
party. Talks before and after the party about the party have
happened around Lole.
...
[/quote]
What about the other boys who went to the party? Did they
receive paper invitations or were they just invited word of
mouth?
#Post#: 18931--------------------------------------------------
Re: To invite or not.
By: AtHomeRose Date: November 13, 2018, 11:55 am
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To me it sounds like Lole was invited to Klyn’s party just not
in a way that was Lole’s mom was comfortable with. I can
understand that depending on how young the kids are I might not
trust a verbal invitation, but some parents are ok with them. I
do think that if the kids are too young to be trusted on a
verbal invitation they are also too young to be trusted to
follow up on a paper invitation request, I think this might be a
Mom mistake rather than the kids fault.
With that, the upset-ness that Lole might be feeling toward Klyn
seems miss places and all other things being equal Klyn should
be invited to the party.
#Post#: 18987--------------------------------------------------
Re: To invite or not.
By: bopper Date: November 14, 2018, 9:57 am
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If you are doing an "invite the class" or "invite the boys", i
would invite him.
If you are picking and choosing and not distributing invitations
through school:
1) Does Lole like Klyn? Does he want to be friends with him?
Have they been playing nicely up until then? Then invite him.
2) Does Lole not care that much about Klyn? Then don't.
I have a friend Betsy. She has a friend Donna. We all have kids
the same age. I woudl only see Donna usually when we were at
Betsy's parties or whatever.
I ran into Donna one time out at a store. She started talking
about tthe fact that it was her daughter's birthday and she
would sent an invite to my daughter. She never did. But I
really wouldn't expect her to..so was not offended, just puzzled
why she would say that she would (other than irrational guilt).
But anyway...if there is any hope for a friendship, I would not
throw it away based on this.
but if your son is not interested or is sad that he thought the
friendship was closer than Klyn did, then don't bother.
#Post#: 20543--------------------------------------------------
Re: To invite or not.
By: Luci Date: December 2, 2018, 2:27 pm
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I am with the miscommunication group. With the variety of
parenting of my kids' friends, I didn’t trust anything oral
until they were about 10. Kids tend to invite more people
without going through the host parent. Some of the kids at six
could go anywhere, other parents made the kids go through them
until they left for college.
I would forgive the non attendee and invite him anyway. It’s on
the parent, not the child. I would explain that to my child
saying the parent was watching out for her kid.
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