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#Post#: 17311--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: Venus193
Date: October 27, 2018, 5:51 am
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Because the door opens inward, so he's still standing inside the
room.
#Post#: 17313--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: cabbageweevil
Date: October 27, 2018, 6:07 am
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--- Quote from: lowspark link ---
>
> Yeah, I can see it feeling a bit off. Giving the person the
benefit of the doubt, he's probably just trying to be a
gentleman and not thinking about how, since it's a restroom,
it's kinda weird.
>
> As Jem said, unless he did anything else which was
inappropriate, like a comment or a look, I wouldn't worry about
it.
>
--- End Quote ---
I would reckon, likewise, re "benefit of doubt": he was trying
to be a gentleman, in a way which was -- unrealised by him --
not very appropriate to the situation (this, I feel, even with
the door-opening-inward factor). I'm male -- can imagine myself,
in this situation ("self exiting, lady entering"), being
paralysed by indecision as to which course of action would be
polite, or rude / creepy-seeming !
#Post#: 17330--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: jpcher
Date: October 27, 2018, 8:49 am
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--- Quote from: Venus193 link ---
>
> Because the door opens inward, so he's still standing inside
the room.
>
--- End Quote ---
And once you enter the room he can easily close the door with
him still inside.
Yeah, maybe a bit creepy. Nothing wrong with feeling paranoid
when safety is an issue. Better safe than sorry.
I like TootsNYC's response "Feel free to stand back and gesture
for him to come out." This is the safe way to handle the
situation.
#Post#: 17377--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: Lula
Date: October 27, 2018, 4:51 pm
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I think it's far more likely he held the door out of habit, and
I bet he immediately cringed at himself. Painfully awkward,
yes, but from the info here I see no reason to assume creepy
intentions.
#Post#: 17401--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: Jem
Date: October 27, 2018, 10:26 pm
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For the people saying this is creepy...does gender matter? If
yes, why?
#Post#: 17420--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: October 28, 2018, 8:51 am
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I think the guy was trying to be polite and didn't think it
through. Holding a door is almost instinct and I can see myself
doing it. I'd probably just say "thanks, I got it" but won't
step inside until he's out. I'm going to live my life carefully
and aware of my surroundings but I'm not going to live it being
suspicious of every clueless act.
eta: You ask if the act is creepy. The fact is we don't know
because every person is different. Every encounter of opening
the door is different. One person may be trying to be polite
while another may have nefarious purposes. Just do what you can
to stay safe, but act polite in case they were just trying to be
nice.
#Post#: 17421--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: cabbageweevil
Date: October 28, 2018, 8:54 am
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If speculation by a male is allowable: women as a gender, have
to tread more carefully in life's situations, than their male
counterparts -- unfortunately a minority of men can, in their
attracted-ess to women, go beyond the bounds of proper conduct.
The circumstances described by the OP could be viewed by a woman
as, possibly, an excessive and inappropriate degree of interest
on a man's part, in women's restroom / toilet / whatever,
activities; or even an attempt at sexual predation.
Statistically the former is fairly unlikely, and the latter very
unlikely -- in all probability, the man's thinking and
intentions were totally innocent: he just didn't think matters
through, via trying to see them from a woman's point of view --
but sadly, women need to reckon with the possibility of male
attention of the wrong kind.
(Rose Red has just said basically the same thing, a good deal
more succinctly than me !)
#Post#: 17443--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: Lula
Date: October 28, 2018, 2:48 pm
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A man and a woman can do the same innocuous thing, and one will
be labeled a creep, the other a slut.
#Post#: 17445--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: guest657
Date: October 28, 2018, 4:15 pm
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--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> For the people saying this is creepy...does gender matter? If
yes, why?
>
--- End Quote ---
I don't think the action is inherently creepy. I think it's most
likely a guy would just hold the door out of habit, trying to be
polite.
But I wasn't there. The moment may have given the OP a bad
feeling for a good reason. Most people are nice, most of the
time. But creeps and wierdos do exist, and sometimes you have to
trust your gut.
Personally, I probably would feel awkward rather than creeped
out--unless the individual had a creepy vibe. That's the sort of
thing you can't determine in the abstract. You'd have to be
there.
Its a situation that a deliberate creep could take advantage of
-- even if the intent was just to force someone into momentary
proximity, or make them feel startled or helpless. Or where
someone could feel creeped out by accident, regardless of
intent.
And yes, gender matters. Women are far more likely to feel
intimidated or that their personal space is being violated by
men, than in any other combination. Partly this is because of
life experiences, and partly because of general, common safety
concerns.
Oh, by the way, cabbageweevil. Men who crowd, grope, flash, leer
at, catcall, or otherwise behave inappropriately toward women
(up to and including assault) don't do it because they are just
intensely attracted and can't control themselves.
They do it because they have a sick and distorted concept of
women, and believe their momentary "jollies" or desire for
attention is more important than treating another human being
with respect.
That's not normal, healthy attraction. It's perverse and
dehumanizing. To conflate these actions with attraction is not
just incorrect, it perpetuates the idea that women cause their
own harrassment, assaults or rapes by being "too pretty", or by
the way they dress.
#Post#: 17448--------------------------------------------------
Re: Polite or Creepy?
DIR By: lakey
Date: October 28, 2018, 5:13 pm
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--- Quote ---
> Oh, by the way, cabbageweevil. Men who crowd, grope, flash,
leer at, catcall, or otherwise behave inappropriately toward
women (up to and including assault) don't do it because they are
just intensely attracted and can't control themselves.
>
> They do it because they have a sick and distorted concept of
women, and believe their momentary "jollies" or desire for
attention is more important than treating another human being
with respect.
>
> That's not normal, healthy attraction. It's perverse and
dehumanizing. To conflate these actions with attraction is not
just incorrect, it perpetuates the idea that women cause their
own harrassment, assaults or rapes by being "too pretty", or by
the way they dress.
--- End Quote ---
I didn't get the impression that cabbageweevil said or implied
any of this.
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