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#Post#: 16973--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: caroled Date: October 23, 2018, 8:16 pm
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You did nothing wrong, and as the invited guest, were generous
to pay for the dinners for all. Lisa does sound like a pill, but
just playing devil's advocate, it does sound from your OP that
when unable to contain the last squirt of sake,you closed your
mouth. From Lisa's vantage point she may have seen droplets
spray from your mouth as well as what the chef was squirting.
Totally understandable that it was not your fault, but still not
appetizing.
From many posts on this site, we've seen how squeamish some
people can be. Can't say that I would have wanted to eat off the
plate, nor necessarily want my partner to either. Sorry that was
the outcome of what could have been a joyous birthday
celebration.
#Post#: 16974--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: Hanna Date: October 23, 2018, 8:28 pm
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=762.msg16943#msg16943
date=1540325154]
When their birthdays come around in the near future, keep in
mind that you have already treated them -- on your birthday! So
no need to even bring it up. Seems Lisa's behavior at that
dinner provided an ugly finish to what previously had been a
lovely family tradition.
[/quote]
Very good point.
I find this annoying. I can just imagine you being a good sport
and letting them squirt saki at you, then footing the bill
yourself when it probably would not have been your first choice
to go there. I do like the food and even the show they put on in
these places occasionally, but they are pricey and I find the
food catching and drink squirting tedious.
By the way, I think you handled it very well. Please don’t feel
badly.
#Post#: 16981--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: HenrysMom Date: October 24, 2018, 1:15 am
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[quote author=jpcher link=topic=762.msg16962#msg16962
date=1540333607]
Oh. For some reason I thought you had an SO with you . . . it
was just the three of you?
For some reason that brings out the green-eyed flag to me. I'm
probably completely off base here, but did you and Dave have a
good laugh about the sake landing on you and Lisa's dish? And
Lisa just didn't join in on the fun of it?
I'm certainly not condoning Lisa's behavior nor am I thinking
that you and Dave should have behaved differently, sake, dinner,
laughter, good fun and all that. But I've been in situations
where the offended one acts a bit over the top because of
perceived nefarious fears that, in reality, don't need to exist
at all.
I could be completely off base here, but I don't think that
Lisa's reaction was just about the sake on her plate. It seems
to me that there was underlying "I'm just not having fun any
more" types of feelings.
[/quote]
Well, I’m 60, with Dave and Lisa being much younger.
No, I laughed that I had a face (and clothes) full of sake, but
certainly not because it splashed on Lisa or her plate. I don’t
know what Dave was doing, ‘cause I was wiping myself down. I
sat next to Lisa, with Dave being on the corner of the table.
So there wasn’t an opportunity for any side conversations.
I don’t know if Lisa had a problem going out with me, but they
initiated the whole thing, so I went along with it. If I had
know I’d end up covered in sake (and food) and feeling like I
had to pay for my own bday dinner, I’d have declined. I
actually had two other things going on that day I could’ve
attended, but blew them off to go out with them.
#Post#: 16988--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: LifeOnPluto Date: October 24, 2018, 5:55 am
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I'd be tempted to buy Lisa a bottle of sake for her birthday.
;)
In all seriousness, she does sound quite... precious. I'm
guessing that perhaps Dave chose the restaurant, and she was a
reluctant participant? None of that excuses her behaviour
though. Whatever's going on with her isn't your fault, OP. And
honestly, I would have just cheerfully gone on with my meal and
let Lisa sulk if that's what she wanted to go. And I wouldn't
have paid (your insistence on doing so probably made Dave feel
doubly worse).
#Post#: 17009--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: Chez Miriam Date: October 24, 2018, 9:28 am
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[quote author=caroled link=topic=762.msg16973#msg16973
date=1540343760]
You did nothing wrong, and as the invited guest, were generous
to pay for the dinners for all. Lisa does sound like a pill, but
just playing devil's advocate, it does sound from your OP that
when unable to contain the last squirt of sake,you closed your
mouth. From Lisa's vantage point she may have seen droplets
spray from your mouth as well as what the chef was squirting.
Totally understandable that it was not your fault, but still not
appetizing.
From many posts on this site, we've seen how squeamish some
people can be. Can't say that I would have wanted to eat off the
plate, nor necessarily want my partner to either. Sorry that was
the outcome of what could have been a joyous birthday
celebration.
[/quote]
I've only done the red-wine-from-a-height-into-the-mouth thing
once. [Never.Again!] I honestly don't know if some of what
ended up all down my front was my own saliva or not...
But I do know that when my friend sitting next to me equally
messed up, half of the liquid landing on her plate had come out
of her mouth. We laughed, and were grateful that the pouring
'thing' only happened after we'd finished eating!
I can imagine someone not being happy at the possibility of
eating someone else's spit along with their own sodden food.
But that doesn't excuse the flouncy behaviour. I'd be pretty
quiet about the upcoming birthdays, and let yourself be guided
by whether they ask you along or not, and I certainly wouldn't
go volunteering anything, let alone paying.
#Post#: 17014--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: Celestia Date: October 24, 2018, 10:33 am
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Hang on a second on the tangent - I'm a little confused by the
people advocating for Dave to have insisted on paying, while
also saying the OP was fine to insist on paying. Only one person
can pay unless the check is split! If both are insisting and
over-ruling, how is either of them impolite to give in and let
the other pay?
#Post#: 17026--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: mime Date: October 24, 2018, 1:00 pm
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[quote author=Celestia link=topic=762.msg17014#msg17014
date=1540395198]
Hang on a second on the tangent - I'm a little confused by the
people advocating for Dave to have insisted on paying, while
also saying the OP was fine to insist on paying. Only one person
can pay unless the check is split! If both are insisting and
over-ruling, how is either of them impolite to give in and let
the other pay?
[/quote]
I'm one of those people :)
I think the ideal situation would be like this:
First, OP sees that Lisa is so upset over the sake that she
doesn't even want anyone to finish their meal. Not feeling like
the guilty party, but feeling like she (assuming OP is a "she")
is in a position to make things better, OP offers to pick up the
tab.
Next, Dave acknowledges OP's kindness, but points out that this
was to be a gift of sorts to the OP. It didn't go as planned,
but the invitation/gift should still stand, and he insists on
paying.
Finally, Lisa sees that her attitude is ruining the evening much
more than stray sake, and agrees with Dave in insisting that
they still pay because they are, after all, the hosts of that
dinner. Lisa then apologizes and gets herself an attitude
adjustment. (Is this really too much to ask? :P)
I don't think OP should *have* to pay, or even offer to pay. But
if I were in her position I would have offered, too, because
like I said above: I'd be in a position to make things a bit
better, and I can't help but try.
So, yeah, I think Dave and Lisa should have paid, but I would
have offered, just like OP did. Maybe one is an issue of
etiquette and the other is an issue of extra kindness?
Hope that helps explain my thoughts.
#Post#: 17030--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: guest657 Date: October 24, 2018, 1:26 pm
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It was by no means rude or incorrect for OP to pay. But it was
not necessary, and I think she may have felt a bit less
lingering uneasiness if she had allowed the hosting
responsibility to remain on Dave and Lisa.
I believe it was rude and bad hosting for Dave to allow her to
pay. The whole thing was (apparently) his idea, and it was
extremely bad form to place the burden of hosting on the guest
of honor.
OP offered because she thought it might help alleviate the
awkwardness. And it was a generous gesture. But, as we see, it
did not fix anything.
The whole thing left a bad taste in OP's mouth, and for good
reason. She was put in a very uncomfortable position,
cold-shouldered, and had her good nature taken advantage of.
Lisa comes off very poorly in this scenario, but I have plenty
of side-eye left for Dave as well.
#Post#: 17031--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: JeanFromBNA Date: October 24, 2018, 1:28 pm
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Given everything that you've said, it appears to me that Lisa
needs to work on adulting. I'd let this go, and send a birthday
card or email or whatever, with no mention of hosting a dinner
since you've done that.
Belated Happy Birthday! Hope you've treated yourself to
something nice.
#Post#: 17035--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: Rose Red Date: October 24, 2018, 1:44 pm
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[quote author=Anon4Now link=topic=762.msg17030#msg17030
date=1540405605]
It was by no means rude or incorrect for OP to pay. But it was
not necessary, and I think she may have felt a bit less
lingering uneasiness if she had allowed the hosting
responsibility to remain on Dave and Lisa.
I believe it was rude and bad hosting for Dave to allow her to
pay. The whole thing was (apparently) his idea, and it was
extremely bad form to place the burden of hosting on the guest
of honor.
OP offered because she thought it might help alleviate the
awkwardness. And it was a generous gesture. But, as we see, it
did not fix anything.
The whole thing left a bad taste in OP's mouth, and for good
reason. She was put in a very uncomfortable position,
cold-shouldered, and had her good nature taken advantage of.
Lisa comes off very poorly in this scenario, but I have plenty
of side-eye left for Dave as well.
[/quote]
In the OP, she said she took the bill from the waitress and gave
her the credit card. Dave protested but the OP insisted. I'm not
sure what Dave was suppose to do other than grab it from the
waitress and fight for it. And then the OP insisting again. It
can be an endless circle.
It may be my experience growing up, but every adult had
knock-out drag-out fights over the bill. Screaming was involved.
Us kids promised we will not do that when we grew up. And we
didn't because all their show of "generosity" was embarrassing.
It's only been a week. Hopefully Dave will make up for it in
another way.
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