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#Post#: 16832--------------------------------------------------
When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: HenrysMom Date: October 22, 2018, 3:30 pm
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Last week was my birthday, so family member “Dave” and wife
“Lisa” asked to take me out this past weekend. At their
suggestion, we ended up going to a Japanese steakhouse, on the
Benihana model. All was well and good, the chef did a good job,
both in food and presentation, so all should be good....not.
Upon arriving, Dave told the staff that it was my birthday, so
the chef kept offering to squirt sake into my mouth (this is
common practice at this place for birthday honorees). The first
few times, all was well and good, if a bit messy for me. The
last time came right as he had finished and served everyone’s
food. He offered, I said sure, and he squirted. However, that
time I couldn’t hold it and closed my mouth, splashing sake on
me and on Lisa’s plate. She immediately said, “I can’t eat this
- there’s sake all over it” and backed away from the table.
Dave offered to trade plates, but she replied, “No, I just want
to go now.” By this time, the chef had cleaned the cooktop and
left, so there was no more food to be had, and Lisa was refusing
to even consider dessert. Unfortunately, I had a complimentary
dessert presented to me, so I offered that to Lisa and was
refused.
I felt bad, because Lisa was unable to eat her dinner, so when
the bill came, I took and gave the waitress my credit card.
Dave protested, saying they had wanted to treat me for my
birthday, but I told him that I felt they shouldn’t have to pay
for something that one of them couldn’t eat. So I paid, left a
decent tip, and we quickly left and I went my way and they
theirs.
As I said before, I felt bad for Lisa, but the whole thing left
a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t blame anyone, and I don’t
necessarily feel responsible for what was an accident. I just
feel like I would have been better off staying home.
Anyway, I’d appreciate any thoughts or suggestions you all may
have. Thanks.
#Post#: 16833--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: TeamBhakta Date: October 22, 2018, 3:39 pm
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I would guess [s]your[/s] Dave's wife had quietly been stewing
to herself "Okay, enough with the sake squirting trick. We don't
do that at other restaurants[s], hon[/s]. I hope you notice I'm
getting quiet & figure out I'm no longer amused." I think her
wanting to storm out was a bit snowflakey (though I too would be
ticked if the solution was swap with someone else's plate or no
more food at all); but I probably wouldn't say that to her when
you try to smooth things over. I would drop it [s]at home[/s],
unless she's still bringing it up. In which case you should just
say to her "You're right, that was a poor idea to try at dinner
time. I'll tell the next chef no thank you if he offers."
#Post#: 16837--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: HenrysMom Date: October 22, 2018, 3:50 pm
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It was family member’s wife “Lisa.” I’m trying to be
unspecific, just in case.
As far as I could tell, it was all fun and games, until the
accident occurred. I certainly wasn’t egging the chef on with
the sake as I’m not a fan of wearing my food/drink. I wanted to
humor the couple because it was their idea to go to the
steakhouse. The model is that the food is cooked at table, with
onion “volcanoes,” spinning utensils, etc., with exact portions
cooked for the number of patrons at a specific table, then
divided. Dave hadn’t touched his own plate when he offered it
to Lisa and was refused. So why she didn’t want to trade with
her husband, I don’t know, unless she just wanted to be angry.
Edited original post to add names.
#Post#: 16843--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: Despedina Date: October 22, 2018, 4:27 pm
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In my opinion Lisa had 2 choices - suck it up or address the
issue with the restaurant. She did neither. Clearly she was
irritated about something else before she came to this dinner.
She seems to have acted like a bit of a spoilt brat. I don't
blame you for wanting to pay. I would have probably done the
same.
#Post#: 16845--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: TootsNYC Date: October 22, 2018, 4:31 pm
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I'm having trouble getting past the whole "why didn't the
restaurant give the woman another plate of food?" thing.
Because they saw the squirting of the sake and the mess! Ye
gods.
#Post#: 16848--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: HenrysMom Date: October 22, 2018, 4:41 pm
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Oh yeah, there was a question stemming from the above: I’m not
sure if I want to have dinner with this couple in the future,
but their birthdays are coming up within the next few months,
and we have always gotten together for dinner. How do I avoid
this without hurt feelings from the couple?
#Post#: 16858--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: mime Date: October 22, 2018, 6:39 pm
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It was an accident, and Dave tried to make it right. Lisa didn't
want anyone to make it right; she just wanted the night to end
right then and there.
If my meal was somehow ruined in a dinner and my husband was
there, we'd either talk to the server about more food or getting
comped, we'd share what's on his plate, or come up with
something. Out of basic politeness, we definitely wouldn't
insist that everyone leave the meal (and the birthday
celebration) over it. I agree with the conclusion that she just
wanted to be angry.
Dave also should have insisted on paying. It is especially bad
to invite someone to dinner, to put an early end to the night,
and then have that guest pay for everyone. Very inhospitable.
(Although, OP, I totally see why you paid. I may have done the
same thing).
For a future gathering, maybe something other than dinner? Just
go get drinks after work somewhere? Somewhere with no airborne
food, knives, sake...
#Post#: 16867--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: guest657 Date: October 22, 2018, 8:49 pm
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[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=762.msg16848#msg16848
date=1540244499]
Oh yeah, there was a question stemming from the above: I’m not
sure if I want to have dinner with this couple in the future,
but their birthdays are coming up within the next few months,
and we have always gotten together for dinner. How do I avoid
this without hurt feelings from the couple?
[/quote]
Just don't say anything. Lisa may be a five-year-old brat in
grownup clothing, but surely she's not brazen enough to call you
up and demand that you take her to dinner? Particularly since
she didn't seem to want to be there in the first place.
If they do pull something like that, you can just be busy. Is
that going to avoid hurt feelings? I doubt it.
If a grown woman is going to throw a hissy fit over a little
wine in her plate (when she had ample opportunity beforehand to
change seats, get out of the line of fire, speak up, or eat a
dry version of the exact same meal in the exact same portions
that her husband had not touched yet), then I'm sure she can
manage to get her feelings hurt over anything.
If she objects so vehemently to the normal shenanigans a
restaurant is known for doing at a birthday dinner, why would
they choose to go there?
#Post#: 16873--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: HenrysMom Date: October 22, 2018, 10:25 pm
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I appreciate your comments and the validation that I wasn’t
completely at fault here.
I don’t know why I feel so, well I don’t know how I feel, but
it’s not a good feeling. I’m having a little trouble shaking it
off for some reason, which is silly.
#Post#: 16881--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Birthday Dinners go Bad...
By: NyaChan Date: October 22, 2018, 11:26 pm
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[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=762.msg16873#msg16873
date=1540265135]
I appreciate your comments and the validation that I wasn’t
completely at fault here.
I don’t know why I feel so, well I don’t know how I feel, but
it’s not a good feeling. I’m having a little trouble shaking it
off for some reason, which is silly.
[/quote]
I don’t think you were at fault at all. Someone getting upset
doesn’t mean you did something wrong. I’ve been to restaurants
like this and it is mean to be entertaining and jovial, but food
gets mixed up sometimes and spills happen. If I were the family
member I would have been mortified at her behavior. If I had
been Lisa (and I suspect you also had you been in her shoes) I
would not have dreamed of trying to make the birthday person
feel bad. I would have asked the restaurant for replacement
food (these places almost always have a regular menu too) or
shared with the husband. I can’t believe they let you pay for
them under these circumstances!
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