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#Post#: 16723--------------------------------------------------
Re: When your child goes through a break-up
By: katiekat2009 Date: October 21, 2018, 10:40 am
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I'm still picking up the pieces and dealing with the trauma this
has caused my grandchildren. My daughter caused the break-up. My
SIL refuses to talk to us at all. It's like sitting back and
watching a train wreck.
#Post#: 16773--------------------------------------------------
Re: When your child goes through a break-up
By: bopper Date: October 22, 2018, 8:40 am
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My DD1 had a friends/boyfriend throughout her college years...i
think at some time I friended him on FB (but I think I have been
unfriended over the years) and his mom...so I can see what he is
up to but I do not ever comment on posts.
My DD1 only introduced Boyfriend's to us when they have stuck
around for a while...she has recently moved in with a BF for the
first time so this one I think may "stick".
#Post#: 16849--------------------------------------------------
Re: When your child goes through a break-up
By: TootsNYC Date: October 22, 2018, 4:58 pm
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=751.msg16551#msg16551
date=1539903966]
I think you know what the answer is because your post showed
some insight. Of course it makes sense that you are grieving the
loss of BFBob, because it is a thing you are feeling. That said,
it is not a productive feeling to express to your DD or to Bob,
and not a productive feeling to act upon. This wasn’t your
relationship. As PPs said, follow your DD’s lead. Do NOT reach
out to Bob on your own.
[/quote]
I'm w/ Jem--I think you know all the answers to these things,
and of course you will be grieving.
I think you just came here because you wanted company!
Unfortunately, I haven't been through it, but I know that when I
broke up with a boyfriend, I wanted my mom on MY side. So I'd
have really appreciated that you didn't plan to invite him, or
didn't bring him up, etc.
And if I could break up somewhat amicably, I'd still want my mom
to put me first, so I'd want her to follow my lead in when to
invite him, and if she kept in touch, I wouldn't want her to
tell me much about it.
I have a cousin whose brother got divorced, and she's still good
friends with the ex-wife. She and her brother used to fight
about it, and when she was telling me, I realized that she was
reporting to him every time she got together w/ the ex-wife, or
called her, etc. I recommended that she just never tell her
brother. "He doesn't need to know, does he?"
I think my cousin thought she was somehow obligated to keep
him in the loop (her adult relatives gossip like this all the
time: "Oh, I was speaking to X-Other-Person-You-Also-Know..." as
a way of just keeping the family information flowing--and I
think she was trying to do that)
So yeah, don't do that, even if you do touch base w/ Bob now and
then.
I like the sound of this daughter! I kind of wish she'd
mentioned the breakup to her mommy earlier, but in general, I
like the energy and strength she's got!
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