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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 16447--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: October 17, 2018, 4:29 pm
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--- Quote ---
> Excluding one grandchild of the guest of honor's 5
grandchildren simply because the restaurant could not
accommodate a group of your size is not ok. What would she have
done if your daughter was actually an adventurous eater? She
would have had to find a different place.
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree with the PP that your sister was being rude to plan a
meal and deliberately exclude your daughter, and the quote above
is one more reason why she was rude. Since your DH isn't fond
of these kinds of meals (it's great that he tolerates them), and
your DD won't eat this kind of food, it would have made more
sense for your sister to call you before making plans and say,
"Hey, I'd really like to take Mom to The Celebrity Chef for
dinner, and I know your DD doesn't like that kind of food. What
would you think if my family took Mom & Dad there one night, and
your family took them to a place you all like another night?"
At least this would show she had some appreciation of the
situation, even if you didn't care for this plan.
#Post#: 16448--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Jayhawk
Date: October 17, 2018, 4:35 pm
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Good for you for standing up for your daughter and explaining
how hurtful your sister's actions were to her.
#Post#: 16457--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: winkie
Date: October 17, 2018, 6:30 pm
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These kinds of things hurt as an adult let alone as a ten-year
old. Leaving out one child is just cruel and the kind of
incident that can alter family relationships for years to come.
In addition, how is a ten-year old supposed to rationalize that
they shouldn't be hurt because they don't like fancy food?
#Post#: 16458--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: katiekat2009
Date: October 17, 2018, 6:32 pm
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I would have suggested we make it adults only. After all, her
teenagers probably really don't enjoy four hour dinners and your
daughter could not really enjoy the food. Another celebration
(less fancy) could be held with all the family present.
#Post#: 16460--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: OnyxBird
Date: October 17, 2018, 6:38 pm
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Yikes. That's seriously hurtful, and you were right to protect
your daughter from that.
From what you've described, I can only think of one framework
where taking 10 out of 11 people seems like it might be doable
without hurt feelings (still not really polite, but possibly
doable in an easygoing family where the asker has a good grasp
of who would be hurt by the idea and who wouldn't). That's if
Sister came to you before issuing the invitation and said
something like "I've got a dilemma. Mama has been dying to try
Chez Fancy-Pants, so I suggested I invite everyone there for
dinner on her birthday, but I found out when I called that they
will only accept reservations for 10 people or fewer--no
exceptions. I know Hubby and DD only put up with the fancy food
for the rest of our sakes--do you think Hubby would be willing
to sit out the restaurant dinner if I invited just you and DD?
We could all get together for birthday cake [after dinner/the
next day/the night before]. If he'd feel left out, I'll take
Mama to the restaurant some other night, so we can all get
together for her birthday dinner."
It sounds like there are only three people involved who wouldn't
enjoy the fancy meal for its own sake: the guest of honor's
husband, her granddaughter, and her son-in-law. If you're going
to consider asking one of them to sit it out for the sake of
going to this specific restaurant, then IMO it should definitely
be one of the adults, not the child, and even aside from the
child/adult factor, the son-in-law seems like the most
reasonable candidate as the most distantly connected to the
guest of honor. Even then, it should be a possibility floated in
advance as asking for a favor from the person who might sit it
out, with a non-exclusionary backup plan offered up front if the
person minds.
#Post#: 16468--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Jem
Date: October 17, 2018, 7:17 pm
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I can’t quote from my phone but as to the above post - that’s
exactly what my husband suggested! He agreed my sister was out
of line, and I was only able to talk to him after the
reservation had been canceled anyway, but he was all,
“Um.....I’ll stay home!”
#Post#: 16510--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: October 18, 2018, 11:16 am
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--- Quote from: lowspark link ---
>
> To be honest, the idea of planning an event that your daughter
wouldn't love isn't that egregious, assuming it's something that
the guest of honor, your mother, really wanted. After all, it's
your mom's birthday not your daughter's.
>
> And making the reservation in advance isn't that bad either,
because if this place is hard to book, and since the deposit was
refundable, at least up to a certain date, I can see her wanting
to confirm that she could actually get the reservation before
she invited everyone.
>
> The really bad thing that she did was to exclude your
daughter. It's not as if your daughter were an infant, or anyway
young enough not to know or care.
>
> Excluding one grandchild of the guest of honor's 5
grandchildren simply because the restaurant could not
accommodate a group of your size is not ok. What would she have
done if your daughter was actually an adventurous eater? She
would have had to find a different place.
>
> The group of you are a family and as such, if the family is
celebrating, that includes everyone.
>
--- End Quote ---
She could have left one of her children out? [emoji48]
Seriously, she wouldn't even have considered omitting one of her
offspring, I'm sure, as she would have thought that terribly
hurtful!
I'm sure Jem's daughter would have 'sucked it up' and gone had
she been invited/the plans hadn't changed - it sounds like she
is a happy (if not fully participating) attendee at fancy meals.
#Post#: 16511--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: wonderfullyanonymous
Date: October 18, 2018, 11:24 am
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Every part of my being wants you to call up your sister and say,
"Hey, I just made reservations for 10, one of your kids has to
stay home."
I know this is wrong, but sometimes, it feels so right to do
this, because sometimes people just don't get it.
#Post#: 16531--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Bgolly
Date: October 18, 2018, 1:11 pm
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I agree that what your sister suggested was rude. I was
wondering if you could bring your DD but hit the drive thru or
have her eat whatever she wants before arriving at the
restaurant. Since she wouldn't be eating, and she's a smaller
child couldn't she squeeze in somewhere at the corner of the
table? She wouldn't really count as a diner and there would be
no pressure on her to eat anything there. You could tell the
waitstaff that she has severe food restrictions and is therefore
unable to consume anything at the restaurant.
#Post#: 16557--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: mime
Date: October 18, 2018, 8:58 pm
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Wow. I agree so much with everyone here. That was terribly
hurtful of your sister.
For foodies, the venue is a big deal, for sure. For *many*
people, though, the company and conversation are the big deal,
and the venue is a distant second. I'd expect any foodie to
still realize this, and to understand that DD would not feel
left out of Chef Fancy Eatery so much as she'd feel left out of
a family event where she is every bit as legitimate as anyone
else at that table... even more legit than the ones who married
in, by some family standards.
Hmm... if someone had to be left out, then how about leaving out
the two sons in law? I wonder if she'd consider leaving out her
husband. I wonder if she'd consider making plans for a
celebration that someone in her family didn't like.
If she wants a dinner at this place, then she should plan it for
another time and invite the foodies-- ie, leave DD, DH, and
Grandpa at home. And don't plan a family celebration around a
venue that can't even accommodate the whole family. That should
have been a non starter.
You didn't ruin anything except a very thoughtless plan. Bless
you* for looking out for your family.
*and I don't mean it I that weird Southern way. :)
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