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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 16422--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: October 17, 2018, 1:58 pm
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I am a long term foodie who can sometimes get too caught up in
the where we are going to eat versus why we are going out to
celebrate. But even I was shocked your sister would think this
is OK. And what grandmother would be ok with one of her
grandkids being excluded! My mind is truly boggled.
If she really, really wants to take mom out to the newest and
coolest place for her bday, then that's great. Do as you
suggested and let her go with her family. You and your family
can take mom out a different day. But to get all huffy and just
cancel and then accuse you of ruining the celebration is just
terrible.
#Post#: 16423--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: lowspark
Date: October 17, 2018, 2:12 pm
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Ah yes. I've heard it called Omikase or Chef's Menu or Tasting
Menu. I, personally, love that sort of thing. But it really only
works well for people, like me, who will eat just about
anything. This is just for curiosity, but is your daughter the
only one who doesn't fall into that category? All the other
potential attendees have no food restrictions, voluntary or
otherwise?
#Post#: 16424--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: viviennebzb
Date: October 17, 2018, 2:16 pm
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This whole thing sounds way more about your sister and the chef
than your mother and her birthday with family.
What does MOM want?
A very hurtful plan with the wrong focus. I wouldn't be okay
with it, either.
#Post#: 16425--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Venus193
Date: October 17, 2018, 2:24 pm
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She placed a deposit like that prior to the invitation being
issued? That's nerve.
This was completely inappropriate and all about your sister.
And if she ever made any comment about her own children being
"more cultured" than yours I would recommend sending her on a
one-way trip to a very hot place.
#Post#: 16426--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Jem
Date: October 17, 2018, 2:25 pm
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--- Quote from: lowspark link ---
>
> Ah yes. I've heard it called Omikase or Chef's Menu or Tasting
Menu. I, personally, love that sort of thing. But it really only
works well for people, like me, who will eat just about
anything. This is just for curiosity, but is your daughter the
only one who doesn't fall into that category? All the other
potential attendees have no food restrictions, voluntary or
otherwise?
>
--- End Quote ---
No allergies or food restrictions for anyone (not even DD). My
DD just is not an adventurous eater, and at age ten I wouldn't
blame her for not being super excited to sit at a table for four
hours staring at weird food she has no interest in eating. Of
note, no one asked her whether she was interested. My sister
simply assumed she would not be. Not that the assumption was
wrong, but it was "known" that my sister was planning an event
she knew my DD would not enjoy in the slightest.
My mom, sister, her husband and at least some two of her kids
are very much foodies. I enjoy the atmosphere and wine more than
the food, but I do enjoy outings like this. My husband and
father don't HATE outings like this, but it's not really what
they would prefer.
For holidays with my family we usually do have very fancy
multiple course meals at either my sister's house or my parents'
house. They enjoy cooking and are good at it. We dress up. These
are "events." I really like the "special" atmosphere, and so
does my DD, even though for these occasions she generally eats
very little and I make sure she gets sustenance during the hors
d'vors time. My dad enjoys having an audience (haha!) for his
stories, and my husband tolerates a "fancier" atmosphere than he
prefers because he loves me and DD and my family. My husband's
family is more of a "the food's on the counter...there are paper
plates...the game's one...aren't those sweatpants ten years
old?....please take your ball cap off for the prayer...." I
don't prefer events like that, but I "tolerate" them because I
love my husband and his family....so there is tit for tat I
guess.
I think the difference here is that it is a dinner out where we
cannot control things as much.
#Post#: 16432--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Bada
Date: October 17, 2018, 3:12 pm
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These kinds of things really sting when you're 10. I'm so glad
the event isn't going forward while your daughter is forbidden
from coming. She would definitely remember and be hurt for
years. At least I would, I know this based on memories of a
similar nature.
#Post#: 16434--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: lowspark
Date: October 17, 2018, 3:25 pm
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To be honest, the idea of planning an event that your daughter
wouldn't love isn't that egregious, assuming it's something that
the guest of honor, your mother, really wanted. After all, it's
your mom's birthday not your daughter's.
And making the reservation in advance isn't that bad either,
because if this place is hard to book, and since the deposit was
refundable, at least up to a certain date, I can see her wanting
to confirm that she could actually get the reservation before
she invited everyone.
The really bad thing that she did was to exclude your daughter.
It's not as if your daughter were an infant, or anyway young
enough not to know or care.
Excluding one grandchild of the guest of honor's 5 grandchildren
simply because the restaurant could not accommodate a group of
your size is not ok. What would she have done if your daughter
was actually an adventurous eater? She would have had to find a
different place.
The group of you are a family and as such, if the family is
celebrating, that includes everyone.
#Post#: 16435--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: lmyrs
Date: October 17, 2018, 3:28 pm
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It honestly sounds like your sister planned an evening that your
mom, your sister's family and you would all enjoy, that your
husband and father would be fine with and your daughter wouldn't
like. That's not a bad ratio, especially since the GOH would
like it. You can't please everyone. I think her mistake was to
plan it without inviting your daughter even knowing your
daughter wouldn't enjoy it. You issue invitations and let the
invitee decide to attend or not.
Planning this event wasn't rude. Not inviting your daughter was.
And, I don't think that your daughter should ever have to get
used to being excluded by her family. But, it sounds like she
will have to get used to attending "foodie" events that may not
be her cup of tea. If the majority enjoy them, they will happen
and if she doesn't want to be left out, she'll have to suck it
up. And, of course, I'd expect that you would plan family events
that she'd enjoy too. But, it's not reasonable to expect that
every event is going to be right up everyone's alley.
Or, in other words: Everything that lowspark just said.
#Post#: 16436--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Jem
Date: October 17, 2018, 3:28 pm
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--- Quote from: Bada link ---
>
> These kinds of things really sting when you're 10. I'm so glad
the event isn't going forward while your daughter is forbidden
from coming. She would definitely remember and be hurt for
years. At least I would, I know this based on memories of a
similar nature.
>
--- End Quote ---
Thanks for the support (and to the other PPs also). I really do
not want my daughter to be hurt and am glad that my instincts
here led to protecting her. I do hope my sister can reflect on
why her plan was not a good one and not view this as me ruining
her generosity (which is pretty clearly the vibe I got last
night).
#Post#: 16437--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fancy Dinner for Everyone (Except Your Kid)
DIR By: Jem
Date: October 17, 2018, 3:34 pm
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--- Quote from: lmyrs link ---
>
> It honestly sounds like your sister planned an evening that
your mom, your sister's family and you would all enjoy, that
your husband and father would be fine with and your daughter
wouldn't like. That's not a bad ratio, especially since the GOH
would like it. You can't please everyone. I think her mistake
was to plan it without inviting your daughter even knowing your
daughter wouldn't enjoy it. You issue invitations and let the
invitee decide to attend or not.
>
> Planning this event wasn't rude. Not inviting your daughter
was. And, I don't think that your daughter should ever have to
get used to being excluded by her family. But, it sounds like
she will have to get used to attending "foodie" events that may
not be her cup of tea. If the majority enjoy them, they will
happen and if she doesn't want to be left out, she'll have to
suck it up. And, of course, I'd expect that you would plan
family events that she'd enjoy too. But, it's not reasonable to
expect that every event is going to be right up everyone's
alley.
>
> Or, in other words: Everything that lowspark just said.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yes, 100% agreed! My daughter does attend a great many "foodie"
events, she just is not expected to actually eat the food (if
that makes sense). In fact, for the cousins birthdays (three
have birthdays within five days) I took the cousins, my sister
and my daughter to a restaurant with Greek food and belly
dancing! My daughter loved it, as did the cousins! But my
daughter ordered I think chicken strips from the kids menu for
about $12 while everyone else ordered something fancy and closer
to $25-30.
I would never expect events to cater to my daughter, and had she
been invited to Grandma's birthday celebration she would
definitely have been excited to get dressed up and spend time
with the cousins. My concern was not that the event was not my
daughter's preferred event but instead that she was not even
invited.
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