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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 16774--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: bopper
Date: October 22, 2018, 8:46 am
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--- Quote from: vintagegal link ---
>
> do you want to rekindle the relationship? If so, accept the
olive branch and go.
>
> If you are happy with the status quo, decline.
>
--- End Quote ---
Exactly. It may be that now that they have a child, they
understand your point of view. They may want the cousins to
interact.
It also may be that you are another source of presents for their
kid.
If you have any interest in rekindling, then attend this party,
and see how it goes. It doesn't mean you have to rekindle...just
that you are taking stock of how things are. At that point you
can decide to reach out more or not.
#Post#: 16780--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: October 22, 2018, 9:03 am
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The more I think about this, the more I think it's your mom
orchestrating this.
If your brother want to reach out, why would he do it by sending
you a mass birthday invitation for a child you didn't even know
exist? Most people would do it slowly. A call or text saying
they're sorry or they miss you, then mention they had another
baby.
Since you were surprised by the cut, I'm even wondering if it
was you or your mom who told your brother the real reason why
your daughter was not allowed to stay over. If it's mom, maybe
she feels guilty and want to "fix" it.
#Post#: 16785--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: bopper
Date: October 22, 2018, 9:09 am
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I agree to see who sent this invite...if say your mom is hosting
the party, she may be trying to orchestrate the 'happy family".
Then I would try to reach out somehow and ask him what he thinks
(if you would attend, if not, then ignore it)..."Bro, mom sent a
invite to your son's birthday party...We are happy to attend,
but I want to make sure this is something you are cool with and
not just mom trying to force everyone together. I will respect
your wishes either way."
If your brother is the host, then take it at face value.
#Post#: 16787--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Bada
Date: October 22, 2018, 9:32 am
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--- Quote from: bopper link ---
>
> I agree to see who sent this invite...if say your mom is
hosting the party, she may be trying to orchestrate the 'happy
family".
>
> Then I would try to reach out somehow and ask him what he
thinks (if you would attend, if not, then ignore it)..."Bro, mom
sent a invite to your son's birthday party...We are happy to
attend, but I want to make sure this is something you are cool
with and not just mom trying to force everyone together. I will
respect your wishes either way."
>
> If your brother is the host, then take it at face value.
>
--- End Quote ---
But she has said she DOESN'T want to attend. She just wants to
know if she should even bother to RSVP. People keep acting as if
going to the party is an option when it's not for OP.
#Post#: 16793--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 22, 2018, 11:07 am
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--- Quote ---
> She just wants to know if she should even bother to RSVP.
--- End Quote ---
Well, that one is simple. If she has actually received an
invitation (by post, by email, whatever)
from the actual host, of course she is obligated to RSVP. If
this has not happened, and she has just been told by a third
party that 'you'll be invited', then she hasn't had an
invitation and so there is clearly nothing to reply to.
#Post#: 16796--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Jem
Date: October 22, 2018, 11:35 am
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It sounds like the OP is secure in her decision to not have her
daughter around her brother and his partner. The OP doesn’t need
to justify her decisions, just be secure in them.
I am curious how the OP knows the brother and partner are still
actively using illegal drugs? I am not clear on whether the
partner is a man or a woman, but if a man I would imagine there
was an adoption (which would have discovered the illegal drug
use and stopped the adoption I would think), and if a woman I
would assume some prenatal care, etc. that would have discovered
the drug use and intervened. Is child services involved in some
way?
#Post#: 16811--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: bopper
Date: October 22, 2018, 1:19 pm
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Don't do anything until you have an actual invitation.
Once you do, either RSVP no
or if you are literally never going to have contact again then
don't respond (as that is contact).
#Post#: 16831--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: guest657
Date: October 22, 2018, 3:29 pm
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As I read the OP, it was the brother who gave the cut direct.
The OP refused to let the daughter stay at the house, but was
fine to keep the lines of communication open in general.
There's no need to go "black hole" here. Neither the brother nor
anyone else is harassing OP. It's one invitation, that may or
may not arrive, and that may or may not be from the brother.
If a different relative is hosting, it would be quite
aggressively rude to refuse to reply, as presumably you are on
speaking terms with that relative. So just send a normal,
polite, decline.
If the brother is hosting, I think you should still reply. You
didn't initiate the cutoff, so there's no need to be tit-for-tat
about it. A polite decline is still the best way to go.
If you think there might be a chance to pass a kind message to
the children, a more personal note along with the RSVP would be
a handy place to do it.
After all, the children did nothing wrong. And if they are being
raised by drug abusers, they will need all the outside contacts
they can get.
#Post#: 16847--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: October 22, 2018, 4:36 pm
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--- Quote from: Bada link ---
>
> [quote author=bopper link=topic=745.msg16785#msg16785
date=1540217368]
> I agree to see who sent this invite...if say your mom is
hosting the party, she may be trying to orchestrate the 'happy
family".
>
> Then I would try to reach out somehow and ask him what he
thinks (if you would attend, if not, then ignore it)..."Bro, mom
sent a invite to your son's birthday party...We are happy to
attend, but I want to make sure this is something you are cool
with and not just mom trying to force everyone together. I will
respect your wishes either way."
>
> If your brother is the host, then take it at face value.
>
--- End Quote ---
But she has said she DOESN'T want to attend. She just wants to
know if she should even bother to RSVP. People keep acting as if
going to the party is an option when it's not for OP.
[/quote]
yeah, I had that same thought.
And I would say, RSVP no in the way that provides the least
possible contact. Be above reproach from other people, and dial
down the drama. If only for your sake.
#Post#: 16871--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Nikko-chan
Date: October 22, 2018, 9:48 pm
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I agree with the others. RSVP no should an invitation come in
the mail.
And if your mother badgers you I would straight up ask her why
in the heck she wants me to put my children around drug addicts.
But then again I can be quite blunt.
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