DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Family and Children
*****************************************************
#Post#: 16449--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: October 17, 2018, 4:35 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
OP, with your update, I'd not go to the party. If the
invitation comes you can RSVP no, and don't offer an
explanation. And if any "flying monkeys" from your family want
to know why you aren't going, you don't owe them any explanation
either. "We can't go - it's just not possible. Now, tell me
about your monkey stew..."
#Post#: 16450--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Bales
Date: October 17, 2018, 4:53 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I wouldn't bother to RSVP after four years of the cut direct.
#Post#: 16456--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Hanna
Date: October 17, 2018, 6:22 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Based on the update I would suspect the invitation is from a
different family member, not actually coming or else it’s a gift
grab. Since you know they are still using I’d just pretend the
invitation got lost in transit and ignore it.
#Post#: 16482--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 18, 2018, 1:58 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I wouldn't waste emotional energy thinking about it at all,
unless and until an invitation directly from him actually
arrives. The family member who told you that you would be
invited could have misheard, or misunderstood, or just be
wishfully making things up. (Certainly, dear heavens, don't go
without a direct invitation. If your mother or any other
relative tells you they have been authorised to pass an
invitation on, tell them no, you need it directly from him.)
If he does invite you, the tone of the invitation - is there any
suggestion of wanting a reconciliation, or at least letting
bygones be bygones? - may help you decide how you feel about
going. You know your own feelings and family best, but if this
really is a genuine attempt to mend a broken bond, it may be
worth a four-hour drive.
#Post#: 16508--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: October 18, 2018, 11:06 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Aleko link ---
>
> I wouldn't waste emotional energy thinking about it at all,
unless and until an invitation directly from him actually
arrives. The family member who told you that you would be
invited could have misheard, or misunderstood, or just be
wishfully making things up. (Certainly, dear heavens, don't go
without a direct invitation. If your mother or any other
relative tells you they have been authorised to pass an
invitation on, tell them no, you need it directly from him.)
>
> If he does invite you, the tone of the invitation - is there
any suggestion of wanting a reconciliation, or at least letting
bygones be bygones? - may help you decide how you feel about
going. You know your own feelings and family best, but if this
really is a genuine attempt to mend a broken bond, it may be
worth a four-hour drive.
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree with everything you say, but given that he broke the
bond because he wasn't willing to accept no niece time in a drug
household, and they are still using, I'm not sure that
WorkingMum travelling 4 hours will change anything - she's still
not going to let her daughter hang out at that house.
I could go, and still enforce the 'no stopovers' rule, but I
suspect from her update that that is way beyond WorkingMum's
comfort zone. And given how much more prevalent drugs seem to
be around youngsters these days, that sounds a wise course of
action.
Please do let us know when the invitation arrives if it really
was from your bother, would you? I'm expecting not, given the
update.
#Post#: 16525--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: October 18, 2018, 12:45 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think handling this invitation in light of how you want the
relationship to proceed makes sense. If you don't want your
brother in your life until he and his partner are 100% abstinent
and you're willing to enforce that, then decline the invitation.
As a PP suggested, I'd have some stock phrases ready for the
flying monkeys, "The party? We couldn't make it." "No, we aren't
able to attend. How's your phlebitis?"
#Post#: 16539--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: October 18, 2018, 3:13 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
If it were me, I'd ignore what your mom said since no good comes
with listening to the go-between; things always get lost in
translation. What does "you'll be receiving invitations" mean?
From who? Your brother, his partner, or your mom? Someone else?
Why didn't mom say?
If you do indeed receive one, just sent back a RSVP stating no.
No drama. Resist ignoring it. Be above reproach.
#Post#: 16542--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Titanica
Date: October 18, 2018, 4:16 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Do you think your mother may be behind it? Maybe she's trying
to play peacemaker, and encouraged your brother to send the
invitation?
I guess if you're completely positive that you have no interest
in reconciling with him, it doesn't matter. But my decision
would depend on whether he sent the invitation because he
genuinely wanted to or if your mother and talked him into it.
Of course, if you ask you may not get a truthful answer - if she
is behind it, she probably wouldn't admit it.
#Post#: 16649--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: October 20, 2018, 12:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, it really depends on who you receive the invitation from.
Anyone other than brother or his partner, definitely don't go!
It's probably another relative trying to play 'happy families'.
If it's from your brother/his partner and you don't want to go
because they are still using drugs, I'd send a short response
along the lines of: "Brother, I love you and your family very
much, but I have no wish for any contact until you've stopped
using."
#Post#: 16650--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
DIR By: Star Wars Fan
Date: October 20, 2018, 12:43 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Wow, WorkingMum i'm sorry that happened to you. But given that
they're using illegal drugs you absolutely did the right thing
to not let your daughter stay at their house. Having said that I
think you should send them a reply that you won't be coming to
their son's birthday party and just leave it at that. After all,
somebody has to be mature in this situation. I wish you well in
dealing with these people.
Ed.
*****************************************************
Page 2 of 5
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page