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#Post#: 16349--------------------------------------------------
Crappy Family .... Updated page 3
By: WorkingMum Date: October 17, 2018, 6:55 am
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4 years ago, my middle brother blocked me on all social media
and ignored all my attempts at communication with him. I had no
idea why, as we had always been friendly. From what other family
members told me, this was due to the fact that I would not allow
my daughter (then 11) to stay at his house. The reason I made
that decision is that both him and his partner were using
illegal drugs. My decision on this meant I was also not allowed
to have anything to do with their daughter (my niece).
Today, I have been told by a family member that I will be
receiving an invitation to their son's 1st birthday. I was not
told of their son's birth, and they have still not spoken to me
since the above mentioned incident.
My question - if I receive the invitation, should I respond in
the negative, or ignore it completely? My first instinct is
ignore it. They cut me out of their lives, so I should respect
that. My second is.. be the bigger person and adhere to the
rules of etiquette and send a negative RSVP.
Thoughts oh wise ones???
#Post#: 16352--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
By: Hanna Date: October 17, 2018, 7:48 am
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I believe you should RSVP no, citing a prior commitment and send
a token gift and card.
Leave a crack in the door in case they ever change.
I honor you for doing the tough thing and being direct about why
your daughter was not allowed to stay over.
#Post#: 16353--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
By: vintagegal Date: October 17, 2018, 7:58 am
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do you want to rekindle the relationship? If so, accept the
olive branch and go.
If you are happy with the status quo, decline.
#Post#: 16356--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
By: Aleko Date: October 17, 2018, 8:28 am
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[quote]I had no idea why, as we had always been friendly. From
what other family members told me, this was due to the fact that
I would not allow my daughter (then 11) to stay at his house.
[/quote]
And you didn't connect these two facts?
I'm not saying for a moment that his action was justified, still
less that you were wrong to keep your daughter out of that
house. But to say you had "no idea" why he might feel aggrieved
with you seems odd.
#Post#: 16362--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
By: Pattycake Date: October 17, 2018, 9:10 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=745.msg16356#msg16356
date=1539782926]
[quote]I had no idea why, as we had always been friendly. From
what other family members told me, this was due to the fact that
I would not allow my daughter (then 11) to stay at his house.
[/quote]
And you didn't connect these two facts?
I'm not saying for a moment that his action was justified, still
less that you were wrong to keep your daughter out of that
house. But to say you had "no idea" why he might feel aggrieved
with you seems odd.
[/quote]
I took it to mean that she had no idea why, until other family
members told her.
I wonder why someone else is telling you that you will be
getting an invitation. Is someone else throwing the party, and
hoping you'll show up and magically everything will be made
better (because faaaamily?) If so, I'd be cautious about
accepting. You'll have to decide if you want to chance there
being drama if the parents didn't know you were coming. If it's
the parents, then maybe it's an olive branch and then it's up to
you if you want to accept it and start to mend the relationship.
#Post#: 16374--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
By: gramma dishes Date: October 17, 2018, 10:05 am
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[quote author=Pattycake link=topic=745.msg16362#msg16362
date=1539785438]
I took it to mean that she had no idea why, until other family
members told her.
I wonder why someone else is telling you that you will be
getting an invitation. Is someone else throwing the party, and
hoping you'll show up and magically everything will be made
better (because faaaamily?) If so, I'd be cautious about
accepting. You'll have to decide if you want to chance there
being drama if the parents didn't know you were coming. If it's
the parents, then maybe it's an olive branch and then it's up to
you if you want to accept it and start to mend the relationship.
[/quote]
This. This is what I suspect is happening. Grandma or Other
Aunt is throwing this 1 year old a birthday party and is
inviting everyone hoping for a Hallmark Moment reconciliation.
#Post#: 16379--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
By: DaDancingPsych Date: October 17, 2018, 10:11 am
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My reaction would be based on what I want with this
relationship. It sounds like you do not want to rekindle things
as is, because I would say that you accept the invitation. If I
would be willing to accept them into my life dependent on
certain stipulations (whatever those may be to you), then I
would probably politely decline. If this person is so toxic that
I need to hold him out at all costs (which actually does not
sound like your situation either), then I would ignore the
invitation.
I can understand how the block hurts. There would be a part of
me that would never want to give someone the opportunity to hurt
me again or even want to act vengeful. But I also know that the
healthiest thing for me is forgiveness. If my brother was trying
to extend an olive branch, I may be willing to forgive the cold
shoulder that I got. That's not to say that I would suddenly
allow my daughter to be placed in harmful situations, as I would
make the same decision to not allow her to go (unless things
have changed.) I am simply just forgiving him for his reaction,
as it probably has to do more with the way that he felt about
himself than about me.
#Post#: 16390--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
By: Aleko Date: October 17, 2018, 10:45 am
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[quote][quote] [quote] [quote]I had no idea why, as we had
always been friendly. From what other family members told me,
this was due to the fact that I would not allow my daughter
(then 11) to stay at his house.[/quote]
And you didn't connect these two facts?[/quote]
I'm not saying for a moment that his action was justified, still
less that you were wrong to keep your daughter out of that
house. But to say you had "no idea" why he might feel aggrieved
with you seems odd.[/quote]
I took it to mean that she had no idea why, until other family
members told her.
[/quote]
Well yes, obviously. But if you refused to let your child stay
in someone's house, and he promptly started snubbing you, would
you really scratch your head and be unable to think of any
reason why he might be doing that?
#Post#: 16396--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
By: Chez Miriam Date: October 17, 2018, 11:10 am
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Is it possible he/his partner have stopped using drugs? If they
are now clean/sober, and want to offer an olive branch, I would
be tempted to have a 'prior engagement' but say that you could
stop by on your way to that for 15-20 minutes.
That would give you a get-out clause, and you could always get
someone to 'text' you with "we're delayed, can we move it back
an hour?" if you wanted to stay. Modern communication is so
handy for impromptu alterations to plans, isn't it?
#Post#: 16445--------------------------------------------------
Re: Crappy Family ....
By: WorkingMum Date: October 17, 2018, 4:19 pm
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I have no wish to rekindle the relationship - nor will I be
attending. I know for a fact that both of them are still using
drugs and have no intention of allowing that into my life.
My mother told my daughter that we will be receiving invitations
and I'm a little perplexed as to why. I have very little to do
with any of my family except one brother. Also, the location of
the party is a 4 hour drive from my house.
To the poster that wants to know why I didn't realise why I was
being snubbed - I live in a different city to my brother and
while we were friendly, we didn't talk on a regular basis. The
first I knew of the snub was when I sent a text message saying
hi and asking how my niece was doing. He replied asking who I
was. I told him, thinking maybe he had a new phone. I didn't
hear back and haven't heard from him since. I was told by my
mother that it was because I wouldn't allow my daughter to stay
at their house.
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