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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 14451--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: September 24, 2018, 11:06 am
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The update has changed my reply. I think that there was
certainly a door to invite DD and BFBob. I do, however, think
that one should not surprise Aunt, but make it clear that they
are coming. In fact, I might use that as an excuse to make
contact again being that you have not heard back from Aunt.
I still think that if you are adding to the guest list (even if
it is acceptable to do so) that you should either offer to host
or make it clear that you are splitting the bill. Give the other
person an out if they cannot afford to pay for everyone's meals.
#Post#: 14458--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: lowspark
Date: September 24, 2018, 12:20 pm
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--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> My actual assumption with ANY restaurant get-together is that
it's dutch. Someone has to specifically say, "my treat!" before
I assume it is.
>
--- End Quote ---
This.
If you want to treat, just offer to do it at the time of the
meal. If they insist on treating, I would accept graciously
because they initiated the meeting and probably intended to
treat all along.
I think you're agonizing too much over it. IMO, if they offer to
treat, they want to treat, and for some people, that adds to the
pleasure of the meeting. It's ok to mildly resist, but in the
end, if you insist that it's your treat, overriding their offer,
it can be perceived as an insult. So yeah, it's really nice that
you want to treat and fine to offer, but no way would I insist.
#Post#: 14461--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: betty
Date: September 24, 2018, 1:10 pm
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--- Quote from: Rho link ---
>
> Tell Auntie that DD and BFbob will be joining you. Call
restaurant to make a reservation and leave your credit card info
for payment.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yes to most of this, but don't give your credit card info out
ahead of time.
#Post#: 14468--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: bopper
Date: September 24, 2018, 2:20 pm
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Anyway I would call Aunt back and ask if she would like if DD2
and BF come as well, or if it should be just the two of you.
#Post#: 14487--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: September 24, 2018, 4:43 pm
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--- Quote from: bopper link ---
>
> Anyway I would call Aunt back and ask if she would like if DD2
and BF come as well, or if it should be just the two of you.
>
--- End Quote ---
The OP updated (post 35) and the aunt seems happy that they will
be joining :)
#Post#: 14538--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: jpcher
Date: September 25, 2018, 5:24 pm
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The meet-up didn't happen. Sigh. Put this on my list of reasons
why I should get a smart phone. ::)
After I posted here on Sunday I sent a follow-up email "Hi! Are
we still on for lunch or dinner tomorrow? Please let me know."
Didn't receive a reply, kept checking emails, and turned off my
computer before going to bed figuring it's not going to happen.
Got home from work yesterday (4:30 pm) and there were a slew of
messages. The first was sent at 11:58 p.m. (Sunday night) saying
"So Sorry! I just realized that I sent this to myself! Don't
know how that happened." and she followed up with "It would be
great to see you at restaurant for lunch. Looking forward to
it!"
There were four or five other texts that only said something
like "From Aunt" but no other information. The final clear one,
sent at 11:40 am, Monday, said "We're here."
Yes, they went to the restaurant and I was a no-show.
I replied "Sorry I missed you! I'm a dinosaur, don't have a
smart phone, no texting ability. I didn't see your emails until
just now. I should have given you my work contact number."
Aunt replied with "I should have followed up with you earlier.
Is there any chance we can get together for an early breakfast
tomorrow before we move on to our next destination?"
Me: "ARRRGH! I have a rush presentation that I need to work on
first thing tomorrow morning so I can't be late. I start work at
6:30. However there's a small diner that opens at 5:00 a.m. (and
sent her the web site) would this work for you?"
Aunt: "That's a bit too early for us. Sorry we couldn't make it
happen. Blah, blah, blah."
--- Quote from: gramma dishes link ---
>
> That additional information changes ... well, pretty much
everything! :)
>
--- End Quote ---
You know? Sometimes I try to include everything in my OPs but
then they seem to become too long winded. Leaving out (what I
thought would be) a little thing like I told Aunt in my initial
reply that I included my DD#2 on the email trail and she
responded very positively led to quite a discussion, didn't it?
;D
A very interesting discussion that I have learned from and will
implement the Ask before Doing when inviting other guests to a
situation like this (although, this time, it would have worked
out fine.)
As far as my question about who pays?
--- Quote from: lowspark link ---
>
>
> If you want to treat, just offer to do it at the time of the
meal. If they insist on treating, I would accept graciously
because they initiated the meeting and probably intended to
treat all along.
>
> I think you're agonizing too much over it. IMO, if they offer
to treat, they want to treat, and for some people, that adds to
the pleasure of the meeting. It's ok to mildly resist, but in
the end, if you insist that it's your treat, overriding their
offer, it can be perceived as an insult. So yeah, it's really
nice that you want to treat and fine to offer, but no way would
I insist.
>
--- End Quote ---
Not agonizing about it, just a simple question. ;) But your bold
above makes a lot of sense. I enjoy the pleasure of treating
friends.
Posters suggested offer once, maybe insist a second time, but
then let it go. I agree with this.
I can tell you stories about when I was a child and I saw the
bill being grabbed from one hand to another . . . but then I'm
getting long winded again. Oh, wait, this is already a long
reply. ;D
I sincerely appreciate everybody's responses.
Thank you all.
#Post#: 14549--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: gramma dishes
Date: September 25, 2018, 7:29 pm
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Oh, after all that? I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you!
That's somehow both slightly funny and terribly sad at the same
time. :D :(
#Post#: 14568--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: VorFemme
Date: September 25, 2018, 10:25 pm
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I empathize on the no smartphone situation and *everyone* trying
to text you. Due to a huge ($100 plus) bill on texting from a
teenager and a house guest who had borrowed one of our phones
(he sent none but gave her the phone number - so she kept
sending message after message to him and got mad because he
never replied - after that - we had texting turned off for our
flip phones/candy bar not that smart phones for years).
I finally got a smart phone in July 2016, after we had a hot
water heater go bad while we were out of town in June and the
cell phones weren't working as well as they could have. Nothing
like having everyone tell us "we sent you a text" for VorGuy to
get the message that it might be time to get with the 21st
century and get smartphones & texting turned on.
He still can't send them - his "phone" is a smart watch and the
screen is tiny - not even a stylus will help with the size of
the keys on that watch face. But he can read texts, as long as
you keep them short.
#Post#: 14702--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Copper Horsewoman
Date: September 27, 2018, 5:43 pm
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(sigh) A dozen ways to communicate, and having to remember what
works for who....My two nieces only get texts and Facebook
messages do not answer their cell phones or landline, but can be
reached eventually by email. My two nephews answer no phones,
text or voice, but do Facebook and IMs, but not regular FB
messages or email. My aunt can and does answer her cell phone,
but cannot get how to get or send texts. She emails and checks
her email daily. She's not on Facebook. I have friends who only
LinkedIn, not Facebook, some who call but don't text, some who
won't even pick up and listen to voice messages but see and
answer texts immediately, and I would bet no one has sent or
received an on-paper, through the mail letter or card except me
in years......I'm losing my mind on how to tell everyone
something of general interest (I am sorry to inform you that
so-and-so passed away suddenly, funeral arrangements are...) or
remember which flavor of smokescreens gets through to whom.
#Post#: 14705--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: September 27, 2018, 7:53 pm
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--- Quote from: Copper Horsewoman link ---
>
> (sigh) A dozen ways to communicate, and having to remember
what works for who....My two nieces only get texts and Facebook
messages do not answer their cell phones or landline, but can be
reached eventually by email. My two nephews answer no phones,
text or voice, but do Facebook and IMs, but not regular FB
messages or email. My aunt can and does answer her cell phone,
but cannot get how to get or send texts. She emails and checks
her email daily. She's not on Facebook. I have friends who only
LinkedIn, not Facebook, some who call but don't text, some who
won't even pick up and listen to voice messages but see and
answer texts immediately, and I would bet no one has sent or
received an on-paper, through the mail letter or card except me
in years......I'm losing my mind on how to tell everyone
something of general interest (I am sorry to inform you that
so-and-so passed away suddenly, funeral arrangements are...) or
remember which flavor of smokescreens gets through to whom.
>
--- End Quote ---
Oh my hell! I can so relate! It gets to be a bit much doesn't
it?
OP, I hope you consider at least a mobile with unlimited
texting. I think it would smooth out some of the bumps you hit.
I'm sorry you didn't get to meet up.
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