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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 14255--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: September 20, 2018, 2:55 pm
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--- Quote from: GardenGal link ---
>
> If I was the aunt I might be miffed that a person I invited to
meet me for a meal took it upon herself to invite 2 other guests
I had never met without checking with me first, even if niece
made very clear that she was paying for those guests.
>
> Perhaps I wanted to meet privately with my niece to share some
sensitive family news ("I wanted to tell you in person, even
though we haven't spoken in 30 years, that you were always my
favorite when you were little and that I'm going to leave my
entire collection of 17 zillion salt shakers to you"). Maybe I
have some personal news to share ("I've got x disease and only a
few months to live, so I need to get the following off my
chest...").
>
--- End Quote ---
My brain went to the same place on why the Aunt might want to
meet after 30 years. I also liked a PP's conceptualization that
Aunt and Uncle have retired and are finding time to re-connect
with family; I find my own parents doing that now that they're
retired.
Not to pile on, but, yeah inviting DD and BFBob without prior
notice wasn't great, but a quick email confirming the restaurant
and being clear that the OP is ready to cover them corrects
this.
#Post#: 14262--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: IceBear
Date: September 20, 2018, 3:28 pm
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I would think that the Aunt and Uncle would be expecting to pay,
because they invited you out and because they are the elders. I
agree that you should not invite any other family members along,
because of this fact, unless you are willing to say up front
"And it's on me." Even then, they may feel obligated to insist
they pay.
#Post#: 14265--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Jem
Date: September 20, 2018, 3:37 pm
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I agree that the OP should have discussed with the out of
towners before inviting her DD and the BF. One question I have
is why everyone would not just pay for themselves, the DD and BF
included. If the OP wants to treat, by all means, go ahead. But
I don't think this is a question of who should treat really. No
one needs to treat anyone.
#Post#: 14277--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Surly
Date: September 20, 2018, 7:07 pm
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I would assume splitting the bill, though it would be kind of
you to treat. I think it was fine to invite your daughter!
It doesn't seem weird or nefarious to me for family you haven't
seen in a while to want to meet up and say hi when they're in
the area, and it seems natural they'd want to meet your daughter
too.
If they had something sensitive to say, they could easily say
"Oh, we actually want to talk to you about something specific,
let's get dinner just the three of us."
#Post#: 14282--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: swedishfish
Date: September 20, 2018, 7:45 pm
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Forgive me if this is something I should know...is BFbob an
acronym for something, or is the best friend's name Bob? I know
BF, but not sure if BFbob means something specific.
#Post#: 14288--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Raintree
Date: September 21, 2018, 12:27 am
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Maybe she wants to pitch her MLM scheme and she'd be more than
happy for the extra audience!!
I hope not though. I don't think it's too unusual for relatives
to want to meet after 30 years. Mine are in a different country
and I can see this happening, if one was going to be travelling
near where I live. I do think since it was their idea, the
polite thing to do would be to ask before inviting other people,
but I think since you've already done so, telling them it's your
treat would be the polite thing to do.
Otherwise, I don't think there are any rules about who treats
when the people are from out of town. If they were staying with
you, then they should probably treat as a thank you, but in this
case it doesn't sound as though they are.
#Post#: 14289--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: MOM21SON
Date: September 21, 2018, 12:47 am
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After rereading the OP, she is only asking about who should pay,
not about her DD and BF. I'm just as guilty for including that
in my response.
So maybe we should all lay off that.
#Post#: 14299--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: kckgirl
Date: September 21, 2018, 9:10 am
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--- Quote from: swedishfish link ---
>
> Forgive me if this is something I should know...is BFbob an
acronym for something, or is the best friend's name Bob? I know
BF, but not sure if BFbob means something specific.
>
--- End Quote ---
BFbob is boyfriend Bob
#Post#: 14301--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: lmyrs
Date: September 21, 2018, 9:26 am
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--- Quote from: MOM21SON link ---
>
> After rereading the OP, she is only asking about who should
pay, not about her DD and BF. I'm just as guilty for including
that in my response.
>
> So maybe we should all lay off that.
>
--- End Quote ---
But, unfortunately, the fact that she invited 2 extra people has
a definite impact on who should pay.
I would assume that if I invite someone out for a meal, that
either I will pay or we will split the bill. I would not invite
someone out under the assumption that they would pay for me as
their guest. That's not how invitations work. But, the OP
received an invitation, decided she was the host, and then
invited 2 additional people.
#Post#: 14302--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: September 21, 2018, 9:44 am
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I lost touch with most of my Dad's family so can imagine getting
an email from a long lost relative asking to meet while they
were in town. And I wouldn't be jumping to the conclusion that
there was any ill intent planned. Sometimes people just lose
track of others. My sisters and I have a couple of cousins we
hadn't seen in 30 years. One of them got in touch via FB and now
all of us have re-connected and have visited in each other
home's several times.
If I were receptive to the meeting, I would say I would love for
them to be your guests at X for lunch or Y for dinner. And then
I'd also indicate that you'd like your DD and her SO to get a
chance to meet them if they were ok with a larger party but
understand if they want to keep it just the 3 of you.
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