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#Post#: 14218--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: September 20, 2018, 10:38 am
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The OP sounds like she has fond memories of this aunt since she
thinks DD2 will enjoy meeting her. I was quite surprised to see
some suspicious thoughts. But then my large(!) family is the
type who don't see each other for years and will make a call if
we find ourselves in the area one day.
The OP can say something like "Hi Aunt. Have you decided where
you would like to dine? I also invited my daughter and her
boyfriend to meet you if that's OK. I'd love to treat all of
you."
#Post#: 14223--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: iolaus
Date: September 20, 2018, 11:29 am
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If one person is treating it should be the one suggesting the
get together in the first place (so in this case the aunt -
however she didn't invite the daughter and boyfriend so
shouldn't have to pay for them)
#Post#: 14225--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Amara
Date: September 20, 2018, 11:31 am
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We can speculate until the cows come home about why the contact
after thirty years, but I really don't think it matters much.
What I see here as a major faux pax is the OP bringing other
people. Why is she doing this? She's been on etiquette forums
for a long time, and there have been plenty of discussions over
people bringing uninvited others with them to parties, to
holidays, to dinners, even on trips. It has always been
considered universally rude. You don't do that. Yet here is
someone who doesn't even bother to ask, which in my opinion
shouldn't be asked anyway, but just wants to bring them. Even if
this relative said the daughter was okay--and she may given that
she may not wish to appear rude by saying no, even if she wants
to say no--the boyfriend is beyond the pale.
OP, I would tell your daughter that for this initial meeting it
is just you and not her and boyfriend. The relative traveling
this distance and having the opportunity to meet with someone
she'd love to see deserves consideration, not rude behavior.
#Post#: 14230--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Model
Date: September 20, 2018, 12:06 pm
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--- Quote from: Amara link ---
>
> We can speculate until the cows come home about why the
contact after thirty years, but I really don't think it matters
much. What I see here as a major faux pax is the OP bringing
other people. Why is she doing this? She's been on etiquette
forums for a long time, and there have been plenty of
discussions over people bringing uninvited others with them to
parties, to holidays, to dinners, even on trips. It has always
been considered universally rude. You don't do that. Yet here is
someone who doesn't even bother to ask, which in my opinion
shouldn't be asked anyway, but just wants to bring them. Even if
this relative said the daughter was okay--and she may given that
she may not wish to appear rude by saying no, even if she wants
to say no--the boyfriend is beyond the pale.
>
> OP, I would tell your daughter that for this initial meeting
it is just you and not her and boyfriend. The relative traveling
this distance and having the opportunity to meet with someone
she'd love to see deserves consideration, not rude behavior.
>
--- End Quote ---
I find this to be such an odd perspective. The OP was not
invited to a party or a hosted dinner. The aunt was going to be
local and suggested they meet. That is entirely different. I
think it is a completely reasonable to think that if the aunt
wanted to see the OP, she would also like to meet the OP's
daughter. In fact, if a relative you hadn't seen in a long time
was going to be in town, I would think it very strange NOT to
include other local relatives.
#Post#: 14236--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: lmyrs
Date: September 20, 2018, 12:40 pm
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Why on earth would you assume that if someone calls you up asks
you to dinner, coffee, lunch, etc that they are your guests??
The only way I can see this leap of logic making sense is if you
are using it to justify the fact that you added 2 uninvited
guests to the event.
#Post#: 14238--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Amara
Date: September 20, 2018, 1:02 pm
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I guess I'm wrong. My apologies to the OP.
#Post#: 14239--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: September 20, 2018, 1:14 pm
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--- Quote from: Model link ---
>
> [quote author=Amara link=topic=694.msg14225#msg14225
date=1537461105]
> We can speculate until the cows come home about why the
contact after thirty years, but I really don't think it matters
much. What I see here as a major faux pax is the OP bringing
other people. Why is she doing this? She's been on etiquette
forums for a long time, and there have been plenty of
discussions over people bringing uninvited others with them to
parties, to holidays, to dinners, even on trips. It has always
been considered universally rude. You don't do that. Yet here is
someone who doesn't even bother to ask, which in my opinion
shouldn't be asked anyway, but just wants to bring them. Even if
this relative said the daughter was okay--and she may given that
she may not wish to appear rude by saying no, even if she wants
to say no--the boyfriend is beyond the pale.
>
> OP, I would tell your daughter that for this initial meeting
it is just you and not her and boyfriend. The relative traveling
this distance and having the opportunity to meet with someone
she'd love to see deserves consideration, not rude behavior.
>
--- End Quote ---
I find this to be such an odd perspective. The OP was not
invited to a party or a hosted dinner. The aunt was going to be
local and suggested they meet. That is entirely different. I
think it is a completely reasonable to think that if the aunt
wanted to see the OP, she would also like to meet the OP's
daughter. In fact, if a relative you hadn't seen in a long time
was going to be in town, I would think it very strange NOT to
include other local relatives.
[/quote]
I think with family the rules sometimes get a little bent out of
shape. Inviting uninvited guests is considered rude, although
this family may run under different rules. (Most of my aunts
would be fine if I brought along someone additional.) If I have
not seen someone for thirty years, I would probably default to
pure etiquette, though.
I think it might have been better to say something like, "DD
would LOVE to meet you. Would you have time during your visit to
make the arrangements?" That allows Aunt to either invite DD
along, make arrangements for a second visit, or say not this
time.
#Post#: 14249--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: September 20, 2018, 2:18 pm
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If I was the aunt I might be miffed that a person I invited to
meet me for a meal took it upon herself to invite 2 other guests
I had never met without checking with me first, even if niece
made very clear that she was paying for those guests.
Perhaps I wanted to meet privately with my niece to share some
sensitive family news ("I wanted to tell you in person, even
though we haven't spoken in 30 years, that you were always my
favorite when you were little and that I'm going to leave my
entire collection of 17 zillion salt shakers to you"). Maybe I
have some personal news to share ("I've got x disease and only a
few months to live, so I need to get the following off my
chest...").
#Post#: 14252--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: September 20, 2018, 2:21 pm
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--- Quote ---
> I really wanted to add in my response email that they would be
my guests at either place (pay for their meal) but didn't
because I thought that might be tacky (?).
--- End Quote ---
Missed this part of the OP's post. Now your aunt sees that you
invited 2 people to join you for a meal and you did not offer
to pay for them. Yeah, I'd be miffed.
#Post#: 14254--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests from out of town . . .
DIR By: Model
Date: September 20, 2018, 2:38 pm
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--- Quote from: Amara link ---
>
> I guess I'm wrong. My apologies to the OP.
>
--- End Quote ---
Actually it seems like MY perspective is the one in the minority
:)
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