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#Post#: 14071--------------------------------------------------
Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: RubyCat Date: September 18, 2018, 5:53 pm
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When does your family decide who will host Thanksgiving and
Christmas? How many months ahead is too early? And how do you
manage when the children have grown and are married with spouses
(and in-laws)? I always seem frustrated by the whole process
and I'm curious how others manage.
#Post#: 14075--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: Kiwipinball Date: September 18, 2018, 7:33 pm
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We have rotations. On my mom's side, my grandfather has a
spreadsheet that he keeps close tabs on. He can tell you who
hosted for the last 20 years at least. On my dad's side, which
is less organized, we also rotate. We frequently have to spend a
few minutes trying to remember who had it the year before so we
know whose turn it is (there are three siblings living nearby
who rotate). If it's my immediate family's turn to host, it will
be scheduled at the previous year's holiday (we don't celebrate
on the holiday). For my mom's side it's always the same days
(Thanksgiving lunch, Christmas Eve dinner). If people can't make
it because it's at their in-laws, that's fine. But we know who's
hosting well in advance.
#Post#: 14080--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: daen Date: September 18, 2018, 8:06 pm
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Until about three or four years ago, my parents hosted all
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other family events at their home.
However, due to my mom's declining memory and their move from
The Ancestral Homestead to a condo, they no longer host.
I live in the same city as my parents; my two sibs and their
families live a few hours away. My husband and I built a new
house a few years ago, and included in our considerations our
wish to provide a convenient gathering place for family (we're a
dozen people, total, so it's very doable, especially since my
husband enjoys cooking for groups). We host Thanksgiving,
Christmas, and Easter -that's pretty much a given by now. And I
am now officially the family social secretary, so I get the ball
rolling for gatherings.
As far as coordinating with everyone's schedules - there are
three of us kids. My inlaws tend to choose non-standard dates;
my younger sib's inlaws are on the other side of the pond, so
mostly we just have to work around my older sib's inlaws' plans
- their family is larger and more complicated. I'm sure it will
get more difficult as my niblings start partnering up.
#Post#: 14103--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: DCGirl Date: September 19, 2018, 10:03 am
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I think the children who are married are responsible for
establishing their own traditions, which may include staying
home. I have vivid memories of a former co-worker whose parents
were divorced, as were her husband's parents. They ended up
taking their toddlers to four different households on Christmas
morning (the homes of each of their four parents and those
parents' new spouses) and were utterly miserable in the process.
The next year they told everyone they were staying home and all
were welcome to come to their house. If a parent wasn't happy
about seeing an ex-spouse in the process, too bad.
#Post#: 14109--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: Thitpualso Date: September 19, 2018, 10:56 am
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When I was a child the entire family on both sides lived within
ten miles of each other. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners
were eaten in the homes of nuclear families and widows and
single persons were taken care of. Late in the afternoon we’d
all gather at the homes of Grandparents for tea and cake.
On my husband’s side of the family things were a bit different.
The family was spread over both coasts of the USA and several
foreign countries. Those who could travel gathered, first at
his parents’ home, then, at SIL’s home in the upper Midwest. We
stopped going out there when MIL became uncomfortable with
travel. Flying to that area in late November was always a bit
dodgy.
Now, since SIL’s grown children and their families live
relatively close together, that part of the family meets at the
home of one of her sons. He has a huge house with a game room,
space for light sabre fights and a table large enough to seat
everyone as well as a few strays from the University.
His wife is a strict vegan but doesn’t mind using her kitchen
to prepare the traditional holiday meal. Of course,
SIL still brings the turkey and others provide their specialty
side dishes.
It seems to work quite well.
#Post#: 14110--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: baritone108 Date: September 19, 2018, 11:03 am
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If there was going to be a change in the arrangements we'd
decide about now (late Sept/early Oct). Otherwise they stay the
same from year to year. My children are adults and it has taken
understanding on my part. The needs and desires of each are
different but I have been fortunate that we are always able to
come to an amicable agreement.
#Post#: 14113--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: Kimberami Date: September 19, 2018, 11:39 am
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Thanksgiving with my side of the family & Christmas/New Years
with DH's side of the family. His family lives far away, and we
need the extra time off at Christmas to make the trip. We
usually do a low key Easter, at one time just my nuclear family,
my mom & Grandma.
Thanksgiving is potluck with the hostess providing the turkey. I
cook most of Easter dinner, but we serve it at my Grandma's.
#Post#: 14120--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: bopper Date: September 19, 2018, 12:49 pm
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When my DH and I got married, we alternated between My side and
His side for Thanksgiving.
We tried hosting everyone once, but it was a cast of thousands.
For Christmas, we did Xmas Eve at my parents, Xmas morning at
our house, and Xmas afternoon at His side...but we live close
enough to do that.
We are getting to the point where my eldest has moved in with
her Boyfriend so are now figuring how to deal with all of this.
#Post#: 14124--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: lmyrs Date: September 19, 2018, 1:31 pm
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The first step is for the adult children to decide how they want
to handle holidays: Will they make the effort to fit all sides
in every year or is there some kind of alternation between their
families. Is the alternating every other year or is it some
other arrangement? For example, if my parents are divorced,
don't live near me and don't live near each other, I may need to
see my mom one year, my dad the next year and the in-laws the
3rd year. Maybe, the couple decides to spend Year 1 with his
parents, Year 2 with her parents and Year 3 on a tropical beach.
That's all up to the couple.
Then however a family normally plans Christmas should continue.
If it's always at mom's on December 24, then mom says,
"Christmas is on December 24 at my house." The adult children
say, "Sorry we'll be at in-laws this year," or "We'll be there".
Or perhaps they say, "We want to host".
My parents divorced when I was about grade 8 and my siblings and
I alternated Christmas each year. Once we all got spouses, there
was a lot of flexibility required and none of us has real set
schedules for each year but we always work it out by
communicating and not tolerating BS from anyone thinking that
they get to "call" a holiday.
My mom also did everyone a huge favour years and years ago by
hosting all of my siblings on New Years, thus freeing our
Christmas up to be with in-laws or with Dad's family. My Dad's
family (my aunts and uncles) did everyone a huge favour years
ago by deciding that every other year our Christmas would be on
Christmas Day and in the alternate years it would be a different
Saturday in December. This also frees up everyone for in law
time.
It's extremely do-able if people are flexible and don't get
their pants in a bunch because someone is attempting to change
something.
#Post#: 14125--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
By: kckgirl Date: September 19, 2018, 1:35 pm
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I'm so glad our arrangements aren't complicated. I hosted for
years, until my daughter moved into a house that is bigger than
mine (and right next door). Now we both do the cooking just like
we always did, but we eat in her much larger dining room/living
room combination. It's kind of nice to have two ovens and two
refrigerators while we're leading up to and preparing holiday
meals.
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