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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 18611--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: jpcher Date: November 8, 2018, 5:17 pm
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[quote author=Mara Jade link=topic=679.msg18589#msg18589
date=1541704235]
The infamous missing cat:
HTML http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html
[/quote]
I've seen that before and as a graphic designer I love it even
more every time I see it again!
We had a joke in our department years ago whenever somebody was
having difficulties with a project "Put a red hat on it!"
Thanks for the memory! ;D
#Post#: 20701--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: Copper Horsewoman Date: December 4, 2018, 12:26 pm
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I once had a pit bull who was a love, but got into some
outrageous predicaments from time to time, However never like
this:
HTML http://thechive.com/2018/11/29/we-can-all-hope-we-find-an-a-hole-dog-as-awesome-as-arwen-16-photos/
#Post#: 22079--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: December 21, 2018, 8:52 pm
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A Christmas Classic!! I still can't make it through without
laughing so hard, I have tears in my eyes!
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over
his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for
Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list
twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although
Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly
empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on
sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They
don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult
bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only
confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What
does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also
substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car
pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many
different models. The top of the line, according to the side of
the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal
husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Thelma'. She was at the bottom
of the price scale. To call Thelma a 'doll' took a huge leap of
imagination.
On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump,
Thelma came to life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee
morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the
dangling pantyhose with Thelma's pliant legs and bottom. I also
ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a
nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to
his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but
had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away,
then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Thelma should remain in her pantyhose so the
rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the
traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Thelma the moment she walked in the door.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play
with something like that?" Granny snapped.
I kept my mouth shut.
"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey
sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, to steer her into the dining
room.
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas
and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying,
"Hang on Granny, hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled
up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to
Thelma. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then
that we realised this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had
died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly
Thelma made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the
morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room
twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat
screeched. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa
ran across
the room, fell to his knees, and began administering
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat
in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my
brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide
the cause of Thelma's collapse. We discovered that Thelma had
suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we
restored her to perfect health.
I can't wait until next Christmas.
#Post#: 22184--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: Chez Miriam Date: December 24, 2018, 10:42 am
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Have we had "dogs in elk" yet?
HTML https://wwwx.cs.unc.edu/~hays/humor/dogs_in_elk.html
If so, I apologise.
#Post#: 22205--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: Pattycake Date: December 24, 2018, 3:41 pm
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[quote author=Chez Miriam link=topic=679.msg22184#msg22184
date=1545669772]
Have we had "dogs in elk" yet?
HTML https://wwwx.cs.unc.edu/~hays/humor/dogs_in_elk.html
If so, I apologise.
[/quote]
Nope, that's not been posted yet. I think I did read this years
ago too - still funny!
#Post#: 22213--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: Dr. F. Date: December 24, 2018, 9:10 pm
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[quote author=Pattycake link=topic=679.msg22205#msg22205
date=1545687712]
[quote author=Chez Miriam link=topic=679.msg22184#msg22184
date=1545669772]
Have we had "dogs in elk" yet?
HTML https://wwwx.cs.unc.edu/~hays/humor/dogs_in_elk.html
If so, I apologise.
[/quote]
Nope, that's not been posted yet. I think I did read this years
ago too - still funny!
[/quote]
One of my all-time favorites, and always worth a reread.
#Post#: 22230--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: jpcher Date: December 25, 2018, 12:37 pm
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[quote author=Chez Miriam link=topic=679.msg22184#msg22184
date=1545669772]
Have we had "dogs in elk" yet?
HTML https://wwwx.cs.unc.edu/~hays/humor/dogs_in_elk.html
If so, I apologise.
[/quote]
This link isn't working for me :'(
#Post#: 22231--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: Pattycake Date: December 25, 2018, 12:46 pm
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[quote author=jpcher link=topic=679.msg22230#msg22230
date=1545763064]
[quote author=Chez Miriam link=topic=679.msg22184#msg22184
date=1545669772]
Have we had "dogs in elk" yet?
HTML https://wwwx.cs.unc.edu/~hays/humor/dogs_in_elk.html
If so, I apologise.
[/quote]
This link isn't working for me :'(
[/quote]
That's odd - it's working for me. There's a link on that page to
the original, which is no longer available, but that link seems
to be fine. What do you get when you click it?
#Post#: 22260--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: Chez Miriam Date: December 26, 2018, 7:27 am
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[quote author=Pattycake link=topic=679.msg22231#msg22231
date=1545763608]
[quote author=jpcher link=topic=679.msg22230#msg22230
date=1545763064]
[quote author=Chez Miriam link=topic=679.msg22184#msg22184
date=1545669772]
Have we had "dogs in elk" yet?
HTML https://wwwx.cs.unc.edu/~hays/humor/dogs_in_elk.html
If so, I apologise.
[/quote]
This link isn't working for me :'(
[/quote]
That's odd - it's working for me. There's a link on that page to
the original, which is no longer available, but that link seems
to be fine. What do you get when you click it?
[/quote]
Sorry about that - I tried to find the original, but it is no
longer available, and that one seemed the least difficult.
It is worth googling "dogs in elk" though, as there seem to be a
lot of version out there!
#Post#: 22294--------------------------------------------------
Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
By: jpcher Date: December 26, 2018, 12:42 pm
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:-[ Color me embarrassed. The link does work.
I thought all the posts there were comments on the story and
didn't read them.
I didn't realize that the posts were the actual story.
Very funny. Thanks for sharing! ;D
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