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#Post#: 13438--------------------------------------------------
Thoughts on this TY note
By: jpcher Date: September 10, 2018, 4:27 pm
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DD#2 was doing a trial make-up for an upcoming wedding. The
bride is a friend of my DDs so it was more casual than an
official client (DD#2 is gifting this service to the bride). For
these sessions DD#2 usually goes to the bride, but since bride
was in the 'burbs visiting her mom they decided to do it here,
outside on my patio (beautiful weather, nice light), where I
usually sit with my computer. I came out to the patio and asked
if I could join them and was told "No problem!" I've never met
this friend before.
They chatted, I chimed in on occasion and all was well. At one
point bride was talking about how it seems like she's doing all
the big work and fiancee only has a small list.
I said "Just make sure he doesn't skate out on the Thank You
notes!"
Bride laughed and said "I know, I already have him primed for
that!"
Then she said (and the reason for my post) "I was thinking about
combining Christmas cards with the thank you's. I thought maybe
a nice xmas theme with a photo of us at our wedding and all the
Merry Christmas wishes pre-printed and to those that attended
our wedding I'd add the TY message."
DD#2 said "Well the timing's right so that might work. Look up."
and she applied mascara.
I didn't say anything. I'm not going to coach the bride on your
thoughts, but I'm curious as to what you think about a combined
xmas card/TY note.
The timing is right, the wedding is at the end of October and
given a month out that's when you would be starting to send TYs
and xmas cards.
What say you, oh etiquette wise ones?
#Post#: 13439--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thoughts on this TY note
By: HenrysMom Date: September 10, 2018, 4:31 pm
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I think that would be tacky.
#Post#: 13441--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thoughts on this TY note
By: Rose Red Date: September 10, 2018, 4:48 pm
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That's like the kid born near Christmas and get one gift per
year while he has to give his family and friends two per year.
Presumably their guests are not combining wedding and Christmas
gifts/cards to them so I think the thank you notes should be
kept separate too.
#Post#: 13446--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thoughts on this TY note
By: Luci Date: September 10, 2018, 6:40 pm
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No! The reasons posted above are a good start with the list of
why not.
#Post#: 13447--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thoughts on this TY note
By: Lilac Date: September 10, 2018, 7:16 pm
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I'd rather not get a thank-you note than get one into which the
sender calculated how to put in the absolute least effort
possible. Why bother?
Notes of acknowledgment -- for gifts, for providing solace at
funerals, whatever -- are part of how we close the loop in
reciprocal social interactions. Would she like it if her
wedding guests bought the cheapest possible gift, snarfed up the
most possible free food & drink and then skedaddled atter
"putting in" half an hour of their time at her reception?
Probably not; she probalby pictures the fully-executed social
occasions with guets fulfilling their normal roles across the
entire course of a dinner dance, tea or whatever. So why does
she think it's OK for her and her spouse to cut corners on their
end of the bargain?
#Post#: 13459--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thoughts on this TY note
By: Aleko Date: September 11, 2018, 6:31 am
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[quote]I'd rather not get a thank-you note than get one into
which the sender calculated how to put in the absolute least
effort possible.[/quote]
I wouldn't go as far as that - at least it would prove they had
noticed who the present was from and were aware of their
obligation - but yes, it would irk me.
As so often in social interactions, 'making the effort' and
'going to the trouble to . . .' are an important part of the
message.
#Post#: 13464--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thoughts on this TY note
By: Wanaca Date: September 11, 2018, 8:11 am
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It would definitely leave a bad taste in my mouth. While we
normally display Christmas cards, that would be one that would
hit the trash immediately. It's really the thought that counts
and I don't care for that thought. Separate cards for separate
reasons.
#Post#: 13465--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thoughts on this TY note
By: Model Date: September 11, 2018, 8:49 am
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I think this perfectly fine, especially since she says she is
personalizing them with a written thank you message.
#Post#: 13466--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thoughts on this TY note
By: Hmmm Date: September 11, 2018, 8:53 am
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Depending on how it was done, I would have no problem receiving
a TY message attached to a Christmas card if the TY message was
personalized to the person receiving the card. It's hard to tell
from what was written what the intent was.
"I was thinking about combining Christmas cards with the thank
you's. I thought maybe a nice xmas theme with a photo of us at
our wedding and all the Merry Christmas wishes pre-printed and
to those that attended our wedding I'd add the TY message."
I'm imaging two options. The first I'd be ok with.
1. A Christmas card with their photo with and the standard
pre-printed "Wishing you Happy Holiday's" or such on the inside
and then on the opposite blank side a handwritten note saying
"Dear Jean, it was wonderful having you with us for the wedding.
Your attendance meant so much to us. The engraved napkins were
lovely and a generous thought. We'll get yeas of use from them
and I'll think of you each time I lay them out. Hope to see you
over the holidays."
This option I would not be ok with.
2. A Christmas card with their photo with and the standard
pre-printed "Wishing you Happy Holiday's" or such on the inside
a pre-printed note saying "Thank you for attending our wedding."
Since this is probably the first time they are sending Holiday
cards as a couple, I don't feel like it's them trying to get out
of work.
#Post#: 13468--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thoughts on this TY note
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 11, 2018, 9:42 am
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I would not be impressed. It feels tacky to me. I don't need a
lot of hoopla with my thank you notes, but I want to feel
appreciated and combining it with the Christmas card feels like
it cheapens things. I might rethink things for the next gift
giving occasion and I may not include them on my Christmas card
list. Although, I suppose this is better than not receiving a
thank you at all.
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