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#Post#: 13270--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: Contrarian Date: September 7, 2018, 1:00 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=657.msg13241#msg13241
date=1536326930]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=657.msg13158#msg13158
date=1536250132]
[quote author=Amara link=topic=657.msg13150#msg13150
date=1536248203]
I don't see why you shouldn't be honest: "I am afraid of all
dogs. I'm sure she's a love but I have a lifelong fear of them."
Excuses are not necessary; just tell the truth.
[/quote]
I suppose there is nothing wrong with this; it is just that in
my experience it has not worked. I typically get a response of,
"But my dog is speeeeeecial. He won't harm you." And then they
will instruct the animal to come closer to me and sit down, as
they are rubbing his belly and saying, "Who's a good boy?!?" And
sometimes I become the owner's new mission in life and every
time I am around the person and dog I am treated to a show that
is meant to prove that I was wrong, because I could not
possibility be afraid of their super special amazing dog. So I
started avoiding being upfront as it has preventing me from
having this further treatment. Although maybe Jem's follow-up
comments might help.
[/quote]
This. Everyone seems to think their pet is special and I should
automatically stop my "silly" fear for their pet.
There's noting wrong with a little white lie. It's not like
forcing a restaurant to scrub and sanitize their kitchen with a
lie about food allergy. In case of pets, they just need to let
me keep my distance/personal space and not shove their pets in
my face.
[/quote]
There is nothing wrong with a white lie, but if I told a person
I didn’t want to pet their dog, they would get as far as half
way through “speeeecial” (I spend no time with anyone who speaks
like that, it’s like chewing with your mouth open, in my family
whining in any way shape or form was met with immediate and
thorough correction, as an adult I have no tolerance for it it
actually hurts my stomach) and I would repeat the “No”.
But, it’s not for everyone. I’d rather learn to assert myself.
There would be no sitting their dog beside me because I would
stand and walk a distance saying “If you insist, I’ll just have
to leave”.
I know it sounds like a bit much but we have to be able to speak
up for ourselves.
However, we all choose our battles accordingly. I also find
that avoidance of asserting oneself often just ends up delaying
the inevitable day when you just have to do it anyway because
they won’t stop.
#Post#: 13271--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: Kiwipinball Date: September 7, 2018, 1:56 pm
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If you prefer to be honest (I don't see huge harm to minor white
lies, especially if you're unlikely to get caught, but I
personally prefer to avoid them) and people start insisting that
their dog is different, I might try acknowledging that your fear
is not entirely rational. I'm sure as an adult you understand
that there are many dogs who would not hurt you. That's not the
problem. The problem is that you're afraid of all dogs and don't
react well when around them. Just like I understand logically
that ticks, while annoying parasites, can't actually hurt me
(these are wood ticks, not deer ticks, no threat of lyme
disease). I understand that logically. But I flip out if there's
one on me. I'm feeling a little anxious just writing about it. I
understand that my fear is not entirely rational, but it is
real. If someone still refuses to respect your boundaries,
that's on them, not you. I'd so as others suggested and tell
them if they can't respect your boundaries you'll have to leave
and then do so. I think the world could use more of that. I'm
sure those people don't mean anything bad by it, but that's
super obnoxious. If someone WANTED to use my dog to help get
over a fear of dogs, I'd be happy to help. If not, that's fine.
#Post#: 13298--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: lakey Date: September 7, 2018, 10:39 pm
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This isn't just about dogs. It's about dog owners who don't
respect others. I am a dog owner and a dog lover, but the
reality is that some people don't want to be around dogs for a
variety of reasons. It may be that they are afraid of dogs,
allergic to them, or just don't like them. Trying to get someone
to interact with your dog when they don't want to is
disrespectful.
#Post#: 13318--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: Aleko Date: September 8, 2018, 10:36 am
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Is there room for a specialised Pets (perhaps '& Other Animals')
board?
I suggest this because there is actually quite a lot of
etiquette that is specific to pets - how to behave to other
people's pets? how to manage one's own pet in relation to other
people? and it might be useful to put these discussions
together.
#Post#: 13327--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: Hanna Date: September 8, 2018, 1:10 pm
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I would just say “I’m not a dog person.” And maybe add “Nothing
personal.”
I think it’s harder to argue with that, since it’s more general
than being afraid.
So hard to understand why anyone would push their pet on someone
that clearly isn’t interested.
#Post#: 13332--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: GardenGal Date: September 8, 2018, 1:57 pm
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I'm not a dog person, but I've also been fortunate not to have
anyone press me to interact with their pet. I just say, "I'm
not a dog person," and the conversation has always ended there.
People who push folks for an interaction they don't want, be it
with their dog or anything else (such as trying to give wine to
a person who doesn't want it), are just trying to satisfy their
own needs, not the other person's. They can't imagine someone's
desires differ from their own, or that the other person truly
does know what they're missing and still want to take a pass.
#Post#: 13374--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 9, 2018, 12:26 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=657.msg13318#msg13318
date=1536421006]
Is there room for a specialised Pets (perhaps '& Other Animals')
board?
I suggest this because there is actually quite a lot of
etiquette that is specific to pets - how to behave to other
people's pets? how to manage one's own pet in relation to other
people? and it might be useful to put these discussions
together.
[/quote]
I am rather touched that my thread got to be the first! I hope
to see many enlightening conversations here.
#Post#: 13417--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: dani321 Date: September 10, 2018, 12:32 pm
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I am a dog person, and most times when I encounter a dog while
I'm walking, I say hello to the dog along with its person. (not
a normal hello, a special doggy friendly hello lol) I'm one of
those people who sees a dog in someone's car and gets all
excited and talks about the dog, even though I'm in another car
altogether. I'm happy to pet most dogs who want to be pet (I
don't run around randomly petting stranger dogs or anything!).
However, dog owners are the ones I'm not so sure about. I have
had dog owners allow their huge dogs to jump at me, once one
head-butted me because when he stood up on his hind legs, he was
as tall as I am. Pet parents, much like human parents, have a
responsibility to teach their pup manners and to correct them. I
don't have a dog, but I do have a furry exotic pet that I'm
super in love with, and I understand that not everyone is an
animal lover. I also understand that while I may put up with my
pet's annoyances because I love him, not everyone feels the same
way. So I try to be hyper aware of how he may be annoying
someone, and distract him or put him away if he's bugging guests
in our home (rarely needs to happen because he is truly lovable
but he can be really annoying too!).
I definitely don't think that anyone is required to pay
attention to your pet - in the OP scenario, it sounds like the
owner brought the dog over but wasn't pushy; I think it's more
than fine to tell a neighbor or someone you see fairly often
that you're not really a "dog person" and that you have a
phobia. Anyone who would try to push you after that is someone
to steer clear of! For those you will never see again, I think
telling the allergies white lie is fine, as someone else pointed
out, you DO have an involuntary response to them. No matter how
you choose to deflect, please know that you're certainly not
being rude to avoid interacting with your neighbor's (or
anyone's) pet!
#Post#: 23210--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: TootsNYC Date: January 3, 2019, 8:55 pm
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I think that sometimes we should allow ourselves to get a little
bit testy--I don't think it's impolite in all circumstances.
So if you've said, "No, I'm sorry--ever since I was afraid of
dogs as a kid, I'm not comfortable with them," and they then say
the TINIEST thing more, I think you should get pissed off and
tetchy.
When they say, "Oh, but my dog is so sweet," you can coldly say,
"I'll be leaving now," and leave.
Or say, "Please have enough respect for me to trust my word {and
keep your dog to yourself}." And sound a little annoyed.
{}=optional
Or, maybe don't sound annoyed, but say, "This is very upsetting
to me, to have you dismiss my words so blithely. I find it
really disrespectful, and it doesn't make you seem like someone
I can trust, on any subject."
Make it awkward for them.
They deserve it.
And how else will they learn that they are offending
peope--unless people act offended?
Treat it like a science experiment--they have tested something
out, and in a way you have an obligation to provide them with
accurate feedback.
#Post#: 23271--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: January 4, 2019, 11:07 am
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There is nothing wrong with telling people you are not
comfortable around dogs. If they persist, back up, saying you
aren't comfortable and don't want the dog jumping on you. If Dog
Mom doesn't get the hint, excuse yourself, and say you have to
go. If you run into one of the other ladies later, tell them
that you're sorry you left like that, but that you dogs make you
really uncomfortable.
I love dogs, but I tend to back away from yippy, jumpy, barky
dogs. A jumping dog can scratch easier than a cat, and dog
scratches are painful.
Growing up, we had a neighbor girl who was terrified of dogs, to
the point of absolutely panicking if she was cornered by one. It
was a couple of years before she could even come close to our
dogs, let alone touch them.
When she was 13, I think, her parents got a puppy, and it took a
while for her to be comfortable with that dog.
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