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#Post#: 13129--------------------------------------------------
Say Hello To My Dog
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 6, 2018, 8:07 am
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I have another doggie question. I believe on the old form that I
have shared that I am afraid of dogs. Overall, I have dealt well
with it and most people are unaware that it is a thing. But I am
still uncomfortable around all dogs and try to keep my distance.
The other night I arrived home and four neighbor ladies were
gathered in one of the townhouse front yards chatting. One of
their youngsters came running towards me to say hello. Since it
has become apparent to me that my neighbors wish I was a bit
more social, I took the opportunity to walk over to say hello to
the group. The one neighbor’s dog was tied up on a try away from
the group and was excitedly jumping and barking. This really did
not phase me as this dog is ALWAYS excited like this, so I am
not sure if my addition to the group added to the dogs behavior.
The dog’s owner walked over to the dog and untied him and
brought him closer to the group. Despite the dog’s continued
jumping and barking, she did have control of him. And then she
said to the dog, “Say hello to DDP” over and over again. I got
the feeling that she wanted me to pet her dog… no thanks. I just
smiled and tried to continue with the conversation within the
group. She did eventually take the dog to another neighbor and I
needed to exit the group anyways.
How should one handle this sort of situation? I do not want to
pet the dog, so that is why I never ask to do so or even go near
the pets. I know that pet owners often think highly of their
critters, which is perfectly cool with me, but I know that
saying things like “I do not want to pet your dog” will
sometimes prompt this hurt, sad behavior like I have rejected
their dog. And I do not tell people that I am afraid, because
EVERYONE tells me that their dog is different and I will like
him. Sorry, even the sweetest, most lovely dogs do not change my
feelings. It is truly a “It’s not you, it’s me” situation. Any
thoughts?
#Post#: 13130--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: accountingisfun Date: September 6, 2018, 8:17 am
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Would you be comfortable saying something like "No thanks, I'm
not much of a dog person. I'm sure your dog is great, but I'm
not a dog person." (Totally copied from today's Ask a Manager)?
Then if they keep pushing you to pet their dog, they are the one
being rude and weird and you just lather, rinse, repeat.
#Post#: 13136--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: Victoria Date: September 6, 2018, 8:46 am
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"I would, but I'm allergic."
#Post#: 13139--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 6, 2018, 9:07 am
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I guess I need to go read Ask A Manager today! ;D
Those are both great replies... so simple, but yet not what went
through my head! Thanks!
#Post#: 13146--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: Jem Date: September 6, 2018, 9:55 am
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In similar situations I have said, *with a smile* and body
language making it clear I have no intention of petting the dog
or allowing it to jump up on me, "I'm actually both allergic to
and afraid of dogs!" And then talk about something else, or
excuse myself if the topic/focus of a group is actually on the
dog itself. The trick is to not make it a confrontational
statement but rather just a friendly heads up statement. I have
no idea whether people are offended when I don't pet their dogs,
but since my goal is, well, not petting their dogs or having
them jump on me, I have been pleased with the results!
My sister has a microdoodle that I am NOT allergic to. I can
tolerate that dog in small doses, and have even cuddled with it
on occasion. But random people's dogs, especially larger dogs
with long hair, I really would rather just see rather than
"experience."
#Post#: 13147--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: NFPwife Date: September 6, 2018, 9:58 am
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I'll second saying, "I'd love to, I have allergies." Because
dogs do give you a response, right?
We were walking at the park on a walking track and someone's off
leash dog came over and was trying to get us to pay attention to
him. We just looked straight ahead, ignored the dog, and kept
our pace. The dog's owner said, "C'mon Fido, they don't want
bothered by you. Here Fido, they don't want to give you any
attention. They just want to be left alone. They must hate
dogs," etc. etc. in a very passive-aggressive way. We didn't
engage the crazy but it was so tempting to say, "You're right,
we don't want bothered by your dog who should be on a leash
right now."
#Post#: 13148--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 6, 2018, 10:06 am
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I must be saying the "afraid of dogs" thing wrong. I don't think
I've been confrontational (although maybe my anxiety reads in
more than I think), but I do feel like I'm being rather
apologetic about it. Either way, it has always caused the person
to want to "solve" my fear, because their dog is special. Maybe
a different tone/approach would work better.
I am not allergic to dogs (although yes, my heat reacts for
sure!) I have always avoided using this as a white lie, as I
wonder if it would ever come back to bite me. And really, I
don't need the dog owner to clean more because I am visiting or
feel like they need to lock their pet away. As long as the dog
leaves me alone, I have no "reaction" at all! But I suppose
calling it an allergy (especially in this sort of situation)
would be harmless.
#Post#: 13149--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: Jem Date: September 6, 2018, 10:19 am
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=657.msg13148#msg13148
date=1536246404]
I must be saying the "afraid of dogs" thing wrong. I don't think
I've been confrontational (although maybe my anxiety reads in
more than I think), but I do feel like I'm being rather
apologetic about it. Either way, it has always caused the person
to want to "solve" my fear, because their dog is special. Maybe
a different tone/approach would work better.
[/quote]
I know exactly what you mean. What has worked for me is making
it all about me, and nothing about the particular dogs. Maybe
try something like these, depending on how people try to "solve"
your fear:
- "I know your dog is friendly and well trained, I just don't
react well to dogs being close to me."
- "Yes, I can see Fluffy is only 10 pounds, but I don't react
well to dogs being close to me."
- "Yes, I know Fido is good with kids. I don't react well to
having dogs being close to me."
- "I'm sure your dog does not intend to hurt me, but I am afraid
of dogs and I might accidentally hurt him if he jumps up on me."
What has worked best for me is physically backing away but with
a smile, and if a person pushes the issue drop the smile but
continue to back away.
#Post#: 13150--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: Amara Date: September 6, 2018, 10:36 am
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I don't see why you shouldn't be honest: "I am afraid of all
dogs. I'm sure she's a love but I have a lifelong fear of them."
Excuses are not necessary; just tell the truth.
#Post#: 13153--------------------------------------------------
Re: Say Hello To My Dog
By: Victoria Date: September 6, 2018, 10:37 am
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=657.msg13148#msg13148
date=1536246404]
I am not allergic to dogs (although yes, my heat reacts for
sure!) I have always avoided using this as a white lie, as I
wonder if it would ever come back to bite me. And really, I
don't need the dog owner to clean more because I am visiting or
feel like they need to lock their pet away. As long as the dog
leaves me alone, I have no "reaction" at all! But I suppose
calling it an allergy (especially in this sort of situation)
would be harmless.
[/quote]
There are varying degrees of "allergic." I actually am allergic
to dogs, but I'm okay as long as they're not sitting in my lap
and I'm not around them in a contained environment for a long
period of time. Emphasizing my allergy has kept me away from
quite a few dogs who would otherwise get up in my face, and from
owners who would otherwise be inclined to push me to play with
their dogs. For the one or two people who have accusingly said
"I thought you were allergic," when a dog's in the room, I've
explained that I don't have a violent reaction but would feel
unwell after awhile.
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