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#Post#: 14587--------------------------------------------------
Re: Refusing a gift on behalf of your children
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: September 26, 2018, 8:51 am
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--- Quote from: Uncle Rupert link ---
>
> Last year, I sent a beautiful Easter bonnet to my niece for
her 4-year old daughter to wear to church on Easter Sunday. My
sister called me and said my niece wasn't interested in going to
church because she is raising her children to make up their own
minds about religious beliefs. I said, she can believe whatever
she likes - we're not fanatics - but we've always gone to church
on Easter. My mother loved to go to show off a new dress and
catch up with old friends, etc.
>
> Reluctantly, they show up. None of them in dresses, and no
Easter bonnet in sight. I asked my niece what happened to it,
and she said she thought I was joking and she threw it out! And
she laughed about it! What little girl wouldn't love to be
dolled up in a cute dress and an Easter bonnet? I haven't sent
any of them another present.
>
--- End Quote ---
I can see so many reasons people would be offended by this
entire interaction.
1) Many Christians would be offended that someone would see
their most Holy of days as a great opportunity to show off new
duds.
2) That an Uncle is calling to "encourage" a niece and her DD to
attend a church service because "that's what the family always
does". The niece gets to set her own traditions for her family.
3) That someone believes "all little girls" want the same
things.
4) That the giver of a present thought it appropriate to
question the receiver about a gift.
The only issue I have with the niece's behavior is that when
asked she didn't just say DD doesn't like wearing head pieces.
And OP, I was 5 in 1970 and grew up in the South. While I did
wear a new dress to Easter Sunday, I never wore a bonnet. Had
someone sent my DD and bonnet when she was a child I would have
assumed they saw it as play wear, not something they expected
the child to actually wear.
#Post#: 14596--------------------------------------------------
Re: Refusing a gift on behalf of your children
DIR By: Aleko
Date: September 26, 2018, 9:44 am
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--- Quote ---
> [quote]Last year, I sent a beautiful Easter bonnet to my niece
for her 4-year old daughter to wear to church on Easter Sunday.
My sister called me and said my niece wasn't interested in going
to church because she is raising her children to make up their
own minds about religious beliefs. I said, she can believe
whatever she likes - we're not fanatics - but we've always gone
to church on Easter. My mother loved to go to show off a new
dress and catch up with old friends, etc.
>
> Reluctantly, they show up. None of them in dresses, and no
Easter bonnet in sight. I asked my niece what happened to it,
and she said she thought I was joking and she threw it out! And
she laughed about it! What little girl wouldn't love to be
dolled up in a cute dress and an Easter bonnet? I haven't sent
any of them another present.
--- End Quote ---
I can see so many reasons people would be offended by this
entire interaction.
1) Many Christians would be offended that someone would see
their most Holy of days as a great opportunity to show off new
duds.
2) That an Uncle is calling to "encourage" a niece and her DD to
attend a church service because "that's what the family always
does". The niece gets to set her own traditions for her family.
3) That someone believes "all little girls" want the same
things.
4) That the giver of a present thought it appropriate to
question the receiver about a gift.
The only issue I have with the niece's behavior is that when
asked she didn't just say DD doesn't like wearing head
pieces.[/quote]
Hmmm, I'm with you all the way - right till the end where you
suggest that the niece should have said that her daughter didn't
like wearing headpieces. I think her response to Uncle Rupert's
demanding to know why his present wasn't being worn - something
which, as you point out, it is never OK to do - was actually
perfectly fair and well-judged. It may even have been perfectly
true: I can imagine her receiving this gift, followed up by her
mother saying "Rupert [i]insists that you come to Easter service
with your daughter. Yes, I did tell him it was against your
principles but he says that doesn't matter. Please, darling, do
come, and make little Phoebe wear the bonnet or I'll never hear
the last of it"[/i] and thinking "I can't believe this. This.
Is. A. Bad. Joke." So it seems a reasonable tack to take, and
while it was less confrontational than saying outright "Look,
I've had it up to here with your attempts to coerce me into your
idea of a Perfect-Lady-Just-Like-Your-Dear-Mother while riding
roughshod over my principles, tastes and personality. Just
because you want to see your grandniece wearing an Easter bonnet
doesn't mean she has to", it achieved the same objective.
I would say that people who receive presents sent with overtly
coercive or 'corrective' intent are not obliged to make nice to
the giver in the same way that they are when the gift is simply
misjudged.
As for Uncle Rupert's belief that every little girl would love
to be dolled up in a cute dress and an Easter bonnet: this is
the guy who posted in another thread that:
--- Quote ---
> I have a small family (me, my sister, my sister's daughter and
her husband, and their two children), and I have always hosted
all holidays since my mother passed away. I've always enjoyed
it, but in recent years I've been told that my dinners are too
"fussy" and extravagant and the children, in particular, don't
like it. There was a big blow-up at Easter, and my niece and my
sister have both since made intimations that I shouldn't bother
with Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. I have no idea what
they're actually planning to do, and probably wouldn't go even
if they invited me. I can't imagine what horrors I might
encounter.
--- End Quote ---
(
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com/family-and-kids/thanksgiving-and-christmas-arrangements/msg14326/#msg14326)
Sorry, Uncle Rupert, but either you were oblivious of the
children's lack of enjoyment or you thought that was less
important than the fact that you enjoyed them. Either way, you
aren't a competent or sympathetic judge of what children like.
#Post#: 14607--------------------------------------------------
Re: Refusing a gift on behalf of your children
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: September 26, 2018, 10:23 am
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--- Quote from: Aleko link ---
>
>
>
> As for Uncle Rupert's belief that every little girl would love
to be dolled up in a cute dress and an Easter bonnet: this is
the guy who posted in another thread that:
> [quote]I have a small family (me, my sister, my sister's
daughter and her husband, and their two children), and I have
always hosted all holidays since my mother passed away. I've
always enjoyed it, but in recent years I've been told that my
dinners are too "fussy" and extravagant and the children, in
particular, don't like it. There was a big blow-up at Easter,
and my niece and my sister have both since made intimations that
I shouldn't bother with Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. I
have no idea what they're actually planning to do, and probably
wouldn't go even if they invited me. I can't imagine what
horrors I might encounter.
--- End Quote ---
(
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com/family-and-kids/thanksgiving-and-christmas-arrangements/msg14326/#msg14326)
Sorry, Uncle Rupert, but either you were oblivious of the
children's lack of enjoyment or you thought that was less
important than the fact that you enjoyed them. Either way, you
aren't a competent or sympathetic judge of what children like.
[/quote]
Yes, because of course niece's holiday plans will automatically
be a horror unless it conforms to his ideals >:(. It's ok if you
don't approve of other's way of living, but you have no right to
force your way on them just as they have no right to force their
way on you. Why is it OK for you to turn down their invitation
of "horrors" but not for them to turn your commands down? >:(
#Post#: 14623--------------------------------------------------
Re: Refusing a gift on behalf of your children
DIR By: lmyrs
Date: September 26, 2018, 1:20 pm
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--- Quote from: Uncle Rupert link ---
>
> Last year, I sent a beautiful Easter bonnet to my niece for
her 4-year old daughter to wear to church on Easter Sunday. My
sister called me and said my niece wasn't interested in going to
church because she is raising her children to make up their own
minds about religious beliefs. I said, she can believe whatever
she likes - we're not fanatics - but we've always gone to church
on Easter. My mother loved to go to show off a new dress and
catch up with old friends, etc.
>
> Reluctantly, they show up. None of them in dresses, and no
Easter bonnet in sight. I asked my niece what happened to it,
and she said she thought I was joking and she threw it out! And
she laughed about it! What little girl wouldn't love to be
dolled up in a cute dress and an Easter bonnet? I haven't sent
any of them another present.
>
--- End Quote ---
If Uncle Rupert isn't a deliberate troll then he should be
treated as one anyway. The raging misogyny, condescension and
downright stupidity that pores out of everyone of his posts is
unworthy of a second glance.
If you are a real person, I hope that your niece cuts you off
completely and immediately so you can live your hateful,
judgmental life alone and she can go on with her life with her
daughter, never having to deal with you again.
#Post#: 14667--------------------------------------------------
Re: Refusing a gift on behalf of your children
DIR By: LadyX
Date: September 26, 2018, 11:44 pm
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"The raging misogyny, condescension and downright stupidity that
pores out of everyone of his posts is unworthy of a second
glance.
If you are a real person, I hope that your niece cuts you off
completely and immediately so you can live your hateful,
judgmental life alone and she can go on with her life with her
daughter, never having to deal with you again."
There's no need to be so mean-spirited.
In general, sarcasm, even facetiousness isn't the problem--it's
the streak of nastiness that is uncalled for.
And yes, I deleted Lula's comment.
#Post#: 14696--------------------------------------------------
Re: Refusing a gift on behalf of your children
DIR By: Lula
Date: September 27, 2018, 2:56 pm
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Apologies, y'all.
#Post#: 15317--------------------------------------------------
Re: Refusing a gift on behalf of your children
DIR By: Amanita
Date: October 4, 2018, 2:21 am
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I know that as a child I hated being made to wear dresses, and
probably would have bitten anyone who tried to make me wear a
bonnet. And yes, that post about holiday dinners has me
wondering too- will something be a horror simply because it's
done differently than how Uncle Rupert would have done it? Or is
he expecting the other members of his family to royally screw
everything up?
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