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#Post#: 12081--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: Sycorax
Date: August 23, 2018, 6:56 pm
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If it's just a restaurant recommendation, I don't think I'd
mind. Once I've moved away from a place, I'm no longer keeping
tabs on the local restaurant scene.
#Post#: 12119--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: CamelliaHouse
Date: August 24, 2018, 10:20 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: jpcher link ---
>
> [quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=626.msg12052#msg12052
date=1535050407]
> But when I am on your side of the situation, I usually select
a few restaurants that I like, offer my availability, and then
throw it back at my friend. I have given some ideas so then they
can take it from there.
>
--- End Quote ---
This was my first thought . . . are they asking you to choose a
restaurant and coordinate with other invitees as to time and
date for the get together?
If it's simply choosing a restaurant then do what DaDancingPsych
said. Choose two or three restaurants that you really enjoy,
send them an email with maybe the restaurant web sites, or say
this one because the food and service is great, or this one is
more relaxed, or this one is a bit upscale . . . throw the ball
back into their court. (Upside for this is that you give them
choices where you enjoy dining!)
If they are asking you to coordinate time/date then I'd respond
with "I'm available for this/that date and time. I'm looking
forward to seeing all of you! Please let me know what works for
everybody."
[/quote]
Yes, this is the issue with both friends who have done this
recently. They reach out with a brief email to say, "We will be
in town from Wednesday to Saturday. We would love to see you for
dinner. Let us know where and when we can meet you!" The entire
responsibility for researching restaurants, and
organizing/coordinating the time and place with everyone, is
left to us.
This especially bothers me because these friends travel a lot
and are foodies - they love to tell us about their trips to
far-flung locales, where they did research and made reservations
at Michelin-star restaurants months in advance. But, they seem
uninterested in putting in a similar effort when it comes to
hometown get-togethers...
#Post#: 12120--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: August 24, 2018, 10:52 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: CamelliaHouse link ---
>
> [quote author=jpcher link=topic=626.msg12070#msg12070
date=1535061723]
> [quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=626.msg12052#msg12052
date=1535050407]
> But when I am on your side of the situation, I usually select
a few restaurants that I like, offer my availability, and then
throw it back at my friend. I have given some ideas so then they
can take it from there.
>
--- End Quote ---
This was my first thought . . . are they asking you to choose a
restaurant and coordinate with other invitees as to time and
date for the get together?
If it's simply choosing a restaurant then do what DaDancingPsych
said. Choose two or three restaurants that you really enjoy,
send them an email with maybe the restaurant web sites, or say
this one because the food and service is great, or this one is
more relaxed, or this one is a bit upscale . . . throw the ball
back into their court. (Upside for this is that you give them
choices where you enjoy dining!)
If they are asking you to coordinate time/date then I'd respond
with "I'm available for this/that date and time. I'm looking
forward to seeing all of you! Please let me know what works for
everybody."
[/quote]
Yes, this is the issue with both friends who have done this
recently. They reach out with a brief email to say, "We will be
in town from Wednesday to Saturday. We would love to see you for
dinner. Let us know where and when we can meet you!" The entire
responsibility for researching restaurants, and
organizing/coordinating the time and place with everyone, is
left to us.
This especially bothers me because these friends travel a lot
and are foodies - they love to tell us about their trips to
far-flung locales, where they did research and made reservations
at Michelin-star restaurants months in advance. But, they seem
uninterested in putting in a similar effort when it comes to
hometown get-togethers...
[/quote]
Then choose to read their emails not as requests to organize,
but as fact finding missions. Provide your availability, any
restaurant suggestions, and then kindly place the ball back in
their court. If they directly ask you to organize, then tell
them you do not have time (if that is your wish.) I think
sometimes when we take control and organize, people start to
think that we like it or are good at it, which may be true, but
you don't have to take control every time.
#Post#: 12138--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: NewHomeowner
Date: August 24, 2018, 1:03 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
On the one hand, I understand you completely. It's annoying,
especially since you're not the only locals, but you seem to be
the one expected to plan everything.
On the other hand....this is your chance to pick a place that
you like. Email everyone and say, 'Okay, we're meeting here at
7pm'. If anyone complains, then say, 'So you plan it next
time.'
#Post#: 12154--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: August 24, 2018, 2:25 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: CamelliaHouse link ---
>
> [quote author=jpcher link=topic=626.msg12070#msg12070
date=1535061723]
> [quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=626.msg12052#msg12052
date=1535050407]
> But when I am on your side of the situation, I usually select
a few restaurants that I like, offer my availability, and then
throw it back at my friend. I have given some ideas so then they
can take it from there.
>
--- End Quote ---
This was my first thought . . . are they asking you to choose a
restaurant and coordinate with other invitees as to time and
date for the get together?
If it's simply choosing a restaurant then do what DaDancingPsych
said. Choose two or three restaurants that you really enjoy,
send them an email with maybe the restaurant web sites, or say
this one because the food and service is great, or this one is
more relaxed, or this one is a bit upscale . . . throw the ball
back into their court. (Upside for this is that you give them
choices where you enjoy dining!)
If they are asking you to coordinate time/date then I'd respond
with "I'm available for this/that date and time. I'm looking
forward to seeing all of you! Please let me know what works for
everybody."
[/quote]
Yes, this is the issue with both friends who have done this
recently. They reach out with a brief email to say, "We will be
in town from Wednesday to Saturday. We would love to see you for
dinner. Let us know where and when we can meet you!" The entire
responsibility for researching restaurants, and
organizing/coordinating the time and place with everyone, is
left to us.
This especially bothers me because these friends travel a lot
and are foodies - they love to tell us about their trips to
far-flung locales, where they did research and made reservations
at Michelin-star restaurants months in advance. But, they seem
uninterested in putting in a similar effort when it comes to
hometown get-togethers...
[/quote]
Can you clarify? The first paragraph implies the dinners are
them and you and your spouse/family. The second paragraph
implies they are expecting you to arrange get togethers with
other couples/families.
As a foodie, I recognize that not all of my friends are
interested in spending significant money or in branching out
culinarily. If I'm visiting from out of town, I will often send
a suggestion like the first email to allow the person to state
their preferences. I'm basically saying I'm more interested in
spending time with you than indulging my culinary interests so
give me your availability and preference and I'll make it work.
However, if the email is really saying they'll be in town these
days and they want you to find times with 3 other couples and
find a restaurant acceptable to all for a party of 10, then no,
I would not accept that responsibility.
I'm wondering if it is the first option, your main concern is
that your suggestion of a place is not going to live up to their
expectations. If that is your concern, then go to Eater.com in
for your local city, review the list of what is the "where to
eat now" list and pick 3 places acceptable to you and then send
a note to friend with "I haven't tried any of these places but
they are getting a lot of press. Let me know if next Saturday
works and which place you prefer."
#Post#: 12163--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: CamelliaHouse
Date: August 24, 2018, 3:16 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
> [quote author=CamelliaHouse link=topic=626.msg12119#msg12119
date=1535124019]
> [quote author=jpcher link=topic=626.msg12070#msg12070
date=1535061723]
> [quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=626.msg12052#msg12052
date=1535050407]
> But when I am on your side of the situation, I usually select
a few restaurants that I like, offer my availability, and then
throw it back at my friend. I have given some ideas so then they
can take it from there.
>
--- End Quote ---
This was my first thought . . . are they asking you to choose a
restaurant and coordinate with other invitees as to time and
date for the get together?
If it's simply choosing a restaurant then do what DaDancingPsych
said. Choose two or three restaurants that you really enjoy,
send them an email with maybe the restaurant web sites, or say
this one because the food and service is great, or this one is
more relaxed, or this one is a bit upscale . . . throw the ball
back into their court. (Upside for this is that you give them
choices where you enjoy dining!)
If they are asking you to coordinate time/date then I'd respond
with "I'm available for this/that date and time. I'm looking
forward to seeing all of you! Please let me know what works for
everybody."
[/quote]
Yes, this is the issue with both friends who have done this
recently. They reach out with a brief email to say, "We will be
in town from Wednesday to Saturday. We would love to see you for
dinner. Let us know where and when we can meet you!" The entire
responsibility for researching restaurants, and
organizing/coordinating the time and place with everyone, is
left to us.
This especially bothers me because these friends travel a lot
and are foodies - they love to tell us about their trips to
far-flung locales, where they did research and made reservations
at Michelin-star restaurants months in advance. But, they seem
uninterested in putting in a similar effort when it comes to
hometown get-togethers...
[/quote]
Can you clarify? The first paragraph implies the dinners are
them and you and your spouse/family. The second paragraph
implies they are expecting you to arrange get togethers with
other couples/families.
As a foodie, I recognize that not all of my friends are
interested in spending significant money or in branching out
culinarily. If I'm visiting from out of town, I will often send
a suggestion like the first email to allow the person to state
their preferences. I'm basically saying I'm more interested in
spending time with you than indulging my culinary interests so
give me your availability and preference and I'll make it work.
However, if the email is really saying they'll be in town these
days and they want you to find times with 3 other couples and
find a restaurant acceptable to all for a party of 10, then no,
I would not accept that responsibility.
I'm wondering if it is the first option, your main concern is
that your suggestion of a place is not going to live up to their
expectations. If that is your concern, then go to Eater.com in
for your local city, review the list of what is the "where to
eat now" list and pick 3 places acceptable to you and then send
a note to friend with "I haven't tried any of these places but
they are getting a lot of press. Let me know if next Saturday
works and which place you prefer."
[/quote]
Yes, the out-of-towners have contacted the group of friends who
still live here (several couples and other friends) and asked
the locals to organize everything on behalf of the
out-of-towners. I strongly feel that if you're initiating the
invitation, you should step up and organize everything from A to
Z.
#Post#: 12186--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: Tea Drinker
Date: August 24, 2018, 6:25 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
In the visitors' position, I might well ask for suggestions,
because I'd rather trust a friend to suggest a restaurant than
random strangers on Yelp. But I can ask people "Can someone
recommend a good Chinese restaurant. It's been long enough that
even if the places I used to like are still there, the menu or
chef might have changed" or "does anyone know an interesting new
restaurant in City that would have room for eight people?"
without expecting them to do the work of choosing a time and
making a reservation.
#Post#: 12191--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: August 24, 2018, 7:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I can think of another reason to ask locals for suggestions...
sometimes I have found that Yelp ratings don't accurately
reflect my personal assessment for a restaurant, in both
positive and negative directions. I think all you need to do is
send a group email with your suggestions and say something like,
"We're available on Friday at 7 or Saturday at 8 for any of the
following restaurants (list your favorites, with their web
addresses). LMK when you've got this organized and we'll see
you there."
#Post#: 12199--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: Raintree
Date: August 24, 2018, 11:54 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I'd just say something like, "Really looking forward to seeing
you! I'm afraid I'm swamped at work (children/parents/life) and
unable to organize, but here is a link to this restaurant I
visited last month if you are looking for ideas. Let me know
once you decide on a location, and what date and time to be
there, and I will mark it on my calendar!"
#Post#: 12201--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: August 25, 2018, 1:58 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Honestly, I don't see the out-of-towners' behaviour as all that
unreasonable.
Whenever I visit my hometown, it's a holiday for me. My schedule
is more or less flexible. I can sleep in, come and go as I
please, etc.
But for my local friends, life goes on. They have work
commitments, sports commitments, plans with their families,
kids' schedules to work around, etc. It's much easier for us all
if they take the lead on what the best time/place to meet up is.
And I've found that often when I do suggest something concrete,
I get "Sorry, Junior now has his nap at 11am. Can we meet for
breakfast instead of brunch instead?" Or "Friday won't work for
us, as we're having dinner with the in-laws. What about
Saturday?" Or "Hmm, I guess we could go to Cafe X, but it's gone
downhill in recent years, and Cafe Y is close by, and so much
better!"
OP, perhaps the problem comes from the fact that there are too
many people to coordinate? It can be hard finding something that
fits everyone's schedule. I find these days when I visit my
hometown, it's much easier to see my friends in smaller groups /
couples only / families only, etc, rather than trying to herd
everyone together. Yes, it means that some visits I don't get to
see everyone, which is a shame. But that's life.
So I totally get it's a headache if your out-of-town friends
expect you to magically find a place/time that suits a dozen
people. If that's the case, it's perfectly ok to say that you're
happy to suggest a restaurant and a date/time, but you don't
want to take on the responsibility of ensuring that everyone in
the friendship group can make it.
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