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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 12044--------------------------------------------------
Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: CamelliaHouse
Date: August 23, 2018, 1:06 pm
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This has happened twice in the past month, and I'm feeling a bit
irritated.
Friends who used to live in my city have contacted the group of
friends who still live here because they are coming for a visit
and want to see everyone at a restaurant for dinner and a
catch-up. To be clear, the out-of-towners are two separate
couples + friends.
In both cases, the friends have reached out to suggest getting
together for dinner, and then asked us to organize the
get-together/choose the restaurant because they "don't know
what's good anymore" in the city.
I get it. But I also can't help feeling annoyed that the buck
has been passed for organizing the event. Doesn't this seem so
lazy? These people all travel pretty frequently and don't seem
to face any challenges researching and booking great restaurants
in other cities.
I'm just so tired of organizing things for other people. I'm
always the one who gets stuck with, "Oh you choose!" or "Just
tell me where to be and I'll be there!"
#Post#: 12048--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: Aleko
Date: August 23, 2018, 1:40 pm
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--- Quote ---
> Doesn't this seem so lazy?
--- End Quote ---
Not necessarily; it could just be that they have somehow come to
see this as your role in the group, and feel that you might feel
hurt and belittled if they didn't turn to you as usual.
I think this because my DH and I have a group of friends who
have come to look on organising get-togethers as our
prerogative. Every time we do, they all say happily, 'Oh, great!
It's far too long since we all met - yes, I'll see you all in
the King's Head'. We keep telling them 'look, we're very
overworked and disorganised these days, you've all got the
mailing list, if you think it's too long since we all met, you
just go right ahead and mailshot us all with a date', but they
just don't. They really seem to feel we're the only people
allowed to do that.
So, maybe you should push back and at least explain that you
don't mind if somebody else does the organising, in fact you'd
rather they did.
#Post#: 12051--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: August 23, 2018, 1:45 pm
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I'd keep it simple and chose a local place that you know and
like. No research. If they don't like it, they can arrange it.
Or I'd simply say "I don't eat out often. So unless you have a
suggestion, it'll have to be the Olive Garden or Cheesecake
Factory."
Sorry, but I'm not going to stress out about finding a
restaurant to suit everybody's likes and needs unless I'm the
one doing the inviting.
#Post#: 12052--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: August 23, 2018, 1:53 pm
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I no longer live in my home town and things have changed there.
I really couldn't tell you what is good. Could I search the
internet and take a guess? Sure. But I do rely on my friends
sometimes to come up with suggestions. I typically word it,
"Hey, I'll be home on the 3rd and would love to catch up. Would
you be available to meet at a restaurant at 7pm? I would welcome
any suggestions of good places." Sometimes they will say,
"There's a new Italian place I think that you would like" and
sometimes they offer nothing and I let Google select the place.
If you do not want to select a place, then I just wouldn't. It
might mean that things fall through the cracks and you don't get
to see your friends, but if you are comfortable with that then
let it happen. But when I am on your side of the situation, I
usually select a few restaurants that I like, offer my
availability, and then throw it back at my friend. I have given
some ideas so then they can take it from there.
#Post#: 12053--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: August 23, 2018, 1:59 pm
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I would personally fee that they are already doing most of the
work--they're traveling to where we are.
I get to see them without driving.
So I wouldn't feel crabby about it, particularly.
I'm local; and I get to see them without having to drive or pack
luggage, etc.
But then, I also don't get asked to organize everything for
everybody.
My own take is that this request from THEM is reasonable, and
that maybe the people you should really be mad about are all the
other people who ARE local who seem to dump stuff on you.
In these cases, the out-of-towners have emailed several people,
it seems. Just do a reply-all and say, "One of you let me know
where; I'll see you there and then!"
#Post#: 12063--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: LeslieF
Date: August 23, 2018, 3:38 pm
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Personally I feel that people are lazier these days. The
internet is a wonderful thing. All the information you could
need about anything(including restaurants) right at our
fingertips. Yet all the time I see on message boards and social
media that someone will mention a thing and someone
replies,"What is that?"
#Post#: 12068--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: August 23, 2018, 4:22 pm
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I think it is perfectly fine to respond back with "I'll be happy
to forward some recommendations but I don't think I'll be
available to organize."
#Post#: 12070--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: jpcher
Date: August 23, 2018, 5:02 pm
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--- Quote from: DaDancingPsych link ---
>
> But when I am on your side of the situation, I usually select
a few restaurants that I like, offer my availability, and then
throw it back at my friend. I have given some ideas so then they
can take it from there.
>
--- End Quote ---
This was my first thought . . . are they asking you to choose a
restaurant and coordinate with other invitees as to time and
date for the get together?
If it's simply choosing a restaurant then do what DaDancingPsych
said. Choose two or three restaurants that you really enjoy,
send them an email with maybe the restaurant web sites, or say
this one because the food and service is great, or this one is
more relaxed, or this one is a bit upscale . . . throw the ball
back into their court. (Upside for this is that you give them
choices where you enjoy dining!)
If they are asking you to coordinate time/date then I'd respond
with "I'm available for this/that date and time. I'm looking
forward to seeing all of you! Please let me know what works for
everybody."
#Post#: 12071--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: Bales
Date: August 23, 2018, 5:04 pm
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I think there's a big difference between organizing a get
together and just choosing a restaurant. If they want you to
organize a group get-together when it really has to function
around their schedule since they are the ones traveling, then I
do agree that's a bit presumptuous and I would defer right back
to them on scheduling and sending invitations. Yes, it's just a
group email, but the invitation should come from them and the
guest list should be decided by them. But I wouldn't mind just
suggesting a place if one comes to mind.
#Post#: 12074--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dining Out with Out-of-Town Visitors
DIR By: bigbadbetty
Date: August 23, 2018, 5:31 pm
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--- Quote from: Bales link ---
>
> I think there's a big difference between organizing a get
together and just choosing a restaurant. If they want you to
organize a group get-together when it really has to function
around their schedule since they are the ones traveling, then I
do agree that's a bit presumptuous and I would defer right back
to them on scheduling and sending invitations. Yes, it's just a
group email, but the invitation should come from them and the
guest list should be decided by them. But I wouldn't mind just
suggesting a place if one comes to mind.
>
--- End Quote ---
That's how I feel. Coordinating vs picking a restaurant is big
difference to me. I prefer the input of locals. I love food. I
read reviews all the time. However, I will take the advice of a
trusted friend over the internet for restaurant recommendations.
One of the top restaurants in my area is really overrated and
hard to get into. The chef is charming with an interesting
story; the local media loves him. The food isn't bad, but it's
not worth the hassle or price when we have so many good
restaurants in our area. Only a local would know this.
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