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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 12065--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bridal Showers
By: chigger Date: August 23, 2018, 3:43 pm
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[quote author=accountingisfun link=topic=622.msg11916#msg11916
date=1534947102]
This probably belongs more in hugs please, but it is wedding
related.
BG: I have 2 sisters, one I'm not super close with, but we
aren't fighting or anything either - for this I'll call her OS
for oldest sister. OS has 8 kids and for the first 2 of her
daughter's weddings my MS (middle sister) and I have co-hosted
the bridal shower for the bride to be. We usually do it at MS
house because her house is only 20 minutes from OS house,
whereas mine is 45 minutes away. OS and MS are super close and I
am often forgotten about until the last moment when making
plans. End BG.
My nephew from OS is getting married this fall. I'm very happy
about it and talked to MS about getting together to co-host a
shower for the bride to be. It honestly slipped my mind a bit
until I saw a post on Facebook today that the wedding was about
2 months away. I texted MS to start shower planning. In this, I
found out that OS had already asked MS to co-host a shower with
the bride to be's sister, and that they set a date and
everything. I'm feeling a little forgotten about the work for
the last two showers. For the first, I did all the planning,
invites, and most of the food, it was just located at MS house.
I planned an activity that would take the place of shower games
since my mom's family loathes shower games. I also helped cater
the wedding providing desserts for the snack and dessert shower.
For the second one, I did the food and beverages for the shower.
I learned that my work wouldn't be appreciated, so I kept
everything low key. It was a pretty sad shower in that not many
people attended the shower for the second niece due to lots of
last minute planning issues and the lack of an activity other
than just opening presents.
In order to not be rude, I'm sucking it up and offering to help
with the shower, though I'm feeling pretty left out in the whole
thing. My MS is saying that the bride's sister isn't being at
all helpful with the shower planning, so I will be doing the
work of co-hosting work. Should I keep the help minimal or
should I suck it up and do a large portion of the work? I feel
that it isn't the bride's problem that my OS forgets about me
which states I should do all I can to make the shower a success
for her sake. Thoughts?
[/quote]
Why was attendance low because there was not an activity besides
opening gifts? I can understand if things were last minute, and
invitees had other plans, but damn! not coming to a shower
because there is not an activity? That is just sucky behavior.
#Post#: 12067--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bridal Showers
By: Jem Date: August 23, 2018, 4:16 pm
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Unless it was perhaps at a "paint a plate" location or roller
skating or something I cannot think of activities being
advertised in advance of a shower.
#Post#: 12094--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bridal Showers
By: TootsNYC Date: August 24, 2018, 1:08 am
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[quote author=lakey link=topic=622.msg11922#msg11922
date=1534951657]
I think you need to accept reality and not try to take
responsibility for other people's decision making. You've
co-hosted in the past. This time your two sisters made a choice
that made you feel unappreciated and, from the sound of it, a
bit resentful. So why did you offer to help? Your sister has
made her decision. She has had the experience of co-hosting two
showers. She knew what she was getting into when she decided to
use the bride's sister as a co-host instead of you. The bride's
sister may have no idea what goes into hosting a shower. Your
sister should have thought of that. She could have had all three
of you as co-hosts. Your sister is perfectly capable of doing
everything that you did for the first shower. Everything. She
can hand the bride's sister lists of jobs to take care of, along
with a completion time for each job. I think the real issue here
is your need to take responsibility for THEM.
If you enjoy helping and want to help, then help. However, if
you feel that you are being taken advantage of, since you
already offered to help, offer to do one minor job you don't
mind doing, and let them handle the rest. They aren't children,
and they should be able to handle this. I really believe that if
you clean up other people's messes, they never learn.
[/quote]
I'm w/ Lakey. And w/ NyaChan.
If they're going to leave you out, then feel free to stay out.
In fact, I think it's best to do so. There's a line from the
Bible that gets quoted a lot regarding the tithe, but I think
it's true everywhere:
The Lord loves a cheerful giver.
If you can't give cheerfully, you shouldn't give--that's my
philosophy.
#Post#: 12098--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bridal Showers
By: Aleko Date: August 24, 2018, 6:33 am
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[quote] The Lord loves a cheerful giver.
If you can't give cheerfully, you shouldn't give--that's my
philosophy.[/quote]
But, by the same token, nobody loves an over-insistent giver. If
people have not only not sought help from you but deliberately
avoided doing so, don't push help at them.
#Post#: 12115--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bridal Showers
By: gramma dishes Date: August 24, 2018, 9:49 am
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It may be that you've done so much work of this nature in the
past that your family thinks that in fairness (to you) it should
be spread around a bit rather than always relying on you.
#Post#: 12148--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bridal Showers
By: accountingisfun Date: August 24, 2018, 1:49 pm
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Thanks All!
Usually OS and MS assume I have more time to do this type of
planning things because I don't have children. MS has career
changed and now works from home, so I think it is assumed she
has more time to do things like this. I'll just be a happy guest
and if they ask me to bring something, I'll bring my famous
Chicken Satay or Creme Brulee or whatever as requested.
The 2nd shower was pretty sad just because the planning was left
until the last minute and most of the grooms family and most of
the bridal party were unable to attend. Usually, where we are,
you have snacks, then play a shower game or two that are
basically "get to know you", "get to know the couple" etc. type
games. If games aren't done, then other activities can be
planned. With 1st niece, we did a craft project together that
allowed everyone from the grooms family and the brides family to
get to know each other better with plenty of time for chatting.
The second niece's shower only had one "get to know the couple"
game that wasn't very fun since there were only a handful of
people there.
Thanks all for letting me know it's o.k. to just go with "not my
circus, not my monkeys" attitude. It really helps - if the
shower is great - yay! If it is not so fun, oh well! For the
bride's sake, I hope it is fun for her.
#Post#: 12208--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bridal Showers
By: Runningstar Date: August 25, 2018, 9:41 am
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[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=622.msg12035#msg12035
date=1535042955]
This might be a bit hurtful but from my perspective it might
help if you take their actions at face value. They don’t want
you as a hostess. [/quote]
This is exactly how I feel about it, and being a guest is
great!! Make the most of it, take some of the time that you
would have spent, and the money and get your nails done, or take
your family out!! Be a great guest! If you do anything, make
it a very small thing such as a batch (just one) of cookies.
They made their bed, the way they wanted, and while you might
not agree with having too many pillows or not warm enough of a
blanket - it is their bed and their choice. What you accept is
what you will get, so going forward will you want to be an
unacknowledged and unwanted hostess? I wouldn't. Nobody will
die if this shower sucks, it doesn't need to be saved. Maybe it
will turn out well, but if not then not.
#Post#: 12209--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bridal Showers
By: guest657 Date: August 25, 2018, 10:29 am
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Where I'm from, it would be a bit unusual for the groom's family
to be involved with planning a bridal shower at all. Not unheard
of, but certainly not expected.
I've always seen it more as a thing the bride's friends or maybe
sisters put together. And then they invite some of the groom's
family.
So just being a guest ready to enjoy yourself, seems like a
normal expectation for this situation.
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