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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 11739--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: shadowfox79
Date: August 20, 2018, 1:17 am
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I admit I was a bit surprised that my TL had emailed her TL
about it. As I said, it really doesn't bother me when people
comment, although it's usually children who rave on about it in
the way she was doing. Usually adults just say "Oh, I love your
hair!" and leave it at that.
I agree it's possible she blurted the first bit out and then
started digging. Hopefully it won't turn into a major issue with
her TL. My TL isn't usually a person who escalates issues so
maybe she felt it was her fault for mentioning it (or maybe she
felt, having mentioned it, it shouldn't have been a "Whoa!"
moment).
#Post#: 11742--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: iolaus
Date: August 20, 2018, 7:36 am
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I love little kids reactions to my hair (I went to a school
assembly for my son and two little girls in his class spent
quite a while arguing about what colour it was - it had
lightened into a tuquoise shade with the sun - it's now back to
bright)
Someone said to me the other day I must have delivered her
friends baby as she had said her midwife had blue hair and in
the place I work - I had to check when it was as several of us
have been blue at some point, but currently only me - one who
has been blue is currently rose gold, another is silver.
The only time I've had a slight negative comment in work was
when a teacher said I wouldn't be allowed to her school with a
hair colour like mine (actually it was flames for red into
yellow and orange) - my boss pointed out if she sacked everyone
with none natural hair she'd have no staff left
#Post#: 11772--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: Writer of Wrongs
Date: August 20, 2018, 10:40 am
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Agreed that the woman probably just kept talking because she
felt awkward for reacting so strongly. TL overreacted. If the
woman says anything to you, OP, you can just tell her that you
weren't offended and are accustomed to comments.
(I rounded a corner in WalMart one day and literally almost ran
into a young woman with The Most Beautiful Blue Hair Ever. She
was very fair skinned, and her natural hair color was probably
very pale blond. But it was shades of teal and turquoise and
royal and … it was gorgeous. I stopped short - to keep from
running into her - and instinctively said, "I love your hair!
That is gorgeous!" She absolutely lit up, thanked me and we went
our separate ways.)
#Post#: 11789--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: BeagleMommy
Date: August 20, 2018, 2:46 pm
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A good friend of mine has colored her hair every color of the
rainbow, has multiple body piercings, and several elaborate
tattoos. She attracts attention wherever she goes. Most of the
comments are complimentary (her last creation was several shades
of blue and green; she said she always wanted to be a peacock.
;D). She works at a nuclear plant.
On the rare occasion she gets someone who is so shocked at her
appearance that they make disparaging remarks, she can handle
the worst of them with a combination of sarcasm and humor.
OP, I don't think the person in your situation was trying to
insult you. I think she was surprised and just couldn't stop
her mouth from running over.
#Post#: 11803--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: Copper Horsewoman
Date: August 20, 2018, 4:44 pm
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I suspect everyone at some point has had their mouth start
before the brain engaged. This sounds like one of those times,
and the reaction by the TL was a bit strong. Oh, well.
#Post#: 11942--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: dani321
Date: August 22, 2018, 11:59 am
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I think the woman was awkward, but most likely well meaning, and
I don't think the TL did anything wrong, except for making a big
deal about it and emailing the woman's supervisor (!). Unless
the woman's tone was condescending or something, she was
probably in awe of the blue hair and tripped over her words,
until OP snapped her out of it. As OP says, when you have an
unusual feature, people are going to make comments. It would be
one thing if it was a feature that could be embarrassing or the
result of an accident, etc (like using a deformity to identify
someone - "yeah, he's the guy over there with a missing arm"),
but I think if you're that sensitive about other people
remarking on your appearance, you probably don't dye your hair
blue! In this case, it seems like the TL kind of took offense in
OP's place, when OP didn't seem to be offended.
OP, depending on how *you* feel about it, I think you could
either let TL know it's not a big deal, and you weren't
offended, and you're perfectly able to bring the conversation
back into focus when this happens, or conversely, ask TL not to
identify you by your hair any more if that is an issue for you.
Just because you do have fun colored hair does not mean that
you're an open target! I sure hope you didn't buy a car from the
car salesman who made the dumb joke :o
PS, I'm a little jealous of your hair, I bet it's gorgeous! I'd
love to put a fun color in mine, and maybe one of these days I
will, since I have a job where it doesn't really matter either.
#Post#: 13220--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: silversurfer
Date: September 6, 2018, 9:00 pm
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I'm chiming in with my thoughts that a follow up email was
overkill.
I have purple hair at the moment (but it was blue a few weeks
ago!) It seems there are a few of us here!
#Post#: 13401--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: Amanita
Date: September 10, 2018, 2:25 am
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I don't think the woman in the OP was rude. I think she was a
bit surprised, is all.
That said, I'm going to be a voice of dissent here, a little
bit. A few people here seem to be treading awfully close to
suggesting that anyone who looks unusual has no right to
complain if people are rude to them.
I disagree for a few reasons.
First, no matter how unusual somebody else looks, I still think
it's rude to come up to them and say mean things. You don't have
to like it, but you don't have to make unsolicited remarks
either, and having a working brain to mouth filter is a good
thing. I don't particularly like pajamas worn as street
clothing, or "whale tail"- visible thongs sticking out of low
rise pants. But I don't go around saying rude things to people
in those outfits, because I'm a better person than that. (A
better person than somebody who hurls insults, not a better
person than somebody who dresses a certain way)
From a personal safety perspective, keeping negative comments
about the style choices of others to yourself is a good thing-
you don't know how the other person is going to react when
insulted by a stranger for no good reason.
Also, it's not just cosplayers/goths/people with dyed hair and
tattoos who get these kinds of comments, picked on for being
different. I've heard of people whose only real difference was
having exceptionally long hair, or hair of an unusual (but
completely natural color), and they got dumped on too. Also,
people in religious dress, ethnic clothing/hairstyles, or
visibly pregnant. If you're going to justify verbal abuse
against cosplayers/people in unusual clothing/dyed hair and
tattoos on grounds that "they chose to look like that", the
other examples are personal choice too- people choose to grow
their hair out, get or stay pregnant, or to wear religious or
cultural dress. So where do you draw the line of who has no
right to complain when somebody insults them? And even if you
get rid of the "extreme" looks, remove the extreme people from
public view, whatever used to be considered a step or two down
from that becomes the new extreme, and it starts all over again.
#Post#: 13404--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: guest657
Date: September 10, 2018, 7:59 am
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--- Quote from: Amanita link ---
>
> I don't think the woman in the OP was rude. I think she was a
bit surprised, is all.
>
> That said, I'm going to be a voice of dissent here, a little
bit. A few people here seem to be treading awfully close to
suggesting that anyone who looks unusual has no right to
complain if people are rude to them.
> I disagree for a few reasons.
>
> First, no matter how unusual somebody else looks, I still
think it's rude to come up to them and say mean things. You
don't have to like it, but you don't have to make unsolicited
remarks either, and having a working brain to mouth filter is a
good thing. I don't particularly like pajamas worn as street
clothing, or "whale tail"- visible thongs sticking out of low
rise pants. But I don't go around saying rude things to people
in those outfits, because I'm a better person than that. (A
better person than somebody who hurls insults, not a better
person than somebody who dresses a certain way)
> From a personal safety perspective, keeping negative comments
about the style choices of others to yourself is a good thing-
you don't know how the other person is going to react when
insulted by a stranger for no good reason.
>
> Also, it's not just cosplayers/goths/people with dyed hair and
tattoos who get these kinds of comments, picked on for being
different. I've heard of people whose only real difference was
having exceptionally long hair, or hair of an unusual (but
completely natural color), and they got dumped on too. Also,
people in religious dress, ethnic clothing/hairstyles, or
visibly pregnant. If you're going to justify verbal abuse
against cosplayers/people in unusual clothing/dyed hair and
tattoos on grounds that "they chose to look like that", the
other examples are personal choice too- people choose to grow
their hair out, get or stay pregnant, or to wear religious or
cultural dress. So where do you draw the line of who has no
right to complain when somebody insults them? And even if you
get rid of the "extreme" looks, remove the extreme people from
public view, whatever used to be considered a step or two down
from that becomes the new extreme, and it starts all over again.
>
--- End Quote ---
Really?
I don't see anyone here justifying rude or cruel remarks. On the
contrary, every post I see that says "unusual choices are bound
to attract attention" is making an explicit rejection of rude or
disparaging comments.
And you yourself began by saying that you don't think "wow, your
hair is really blue" is rude or insulting.
Could you perhaps point out where insults or verbal abuse
against anyone is being justified here? I don't see it.
I frequently wear a bright blue streak in my bangs/forelock, and
one of the things I love about it is that people engage with me
and I wind up having positive conversations with such an
interesting variety of people.
#Post#: 13410--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: Aleko
Date: September 10, 2018, 10:57 am
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--- Quote ---
> A few people here seem to be treading awfully close to
suggesting that anyone who looks unusual has no right to
complain if people are rude to them.
--- End Quote ---
I really don't think anybody has gone anywhere near that. Nobody
has condoned rudeness in any form. What I and others have said,
is that people who deliberately cultivate a startling appearance
must expect people to be startled by it (indeed, many of them
actually want to startle people) and shouldn't be surprised, let
alone miffed, if that startlement is sometimes expressed aloud.
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