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#Post#: 11695--------------------------------------------------
Whoa!
DIR By: shadowfox79
Date: August 19, 2018, 4:06 am
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The other day, while I was at work, I overheard a woman I didn't
recognise talking to my team leader, asking for me. My TL
pointed her to my desk - I sit one row away from her - and added
"She's the one with the blue hair."
As background, because we don't deal with clients face to face,
our office is very relaxed about personal appearance. We wear
business dress (although even that's been relaxed for the
summer) but facial piercings, visible tattoos and unnatural hair
colours are very much the norm rather than the exception. My
hair is bleached white and then has blue toner applied, so it's
a very bright blue and has recently been touched up, meaning
it's at its brightest at the moment.
Which led to this woman stopping three feet from my desk and
exclaiming "WHOA! Your hair is blue! I mean, like, it's really
blue! I've never seen anything like it! That's crazy! It's just
so blue!"
At this point I asked how I could help her, which snapped her
out of it and she finally told me what she wanted.
You can probably imagine that blue hair tends to attract
attention, so I'm used to this - barely a day goes by without me
hearing "Mummy, blue hair!" (usually followed by an embarrassed
mother saying "Yes, and isn't it lovely!") The attention has
been almost uniformly positive, bypassing the car salesman who
asked me if my mother slept with the Cookie Monster, so it
doesn't bother me.
However, my TL came over to apologise afterwards, saying she
thought this woman had been extremely rude making such a huge
deal of it and that she had dropped the woman's TL an email
about it.
What does everyone think?
#Post#: 11699--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: AvidReader
Date: August 19, 2018, 8:03 am
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This one is on your TL as well as the visitor who just blurted
out whatever thought popped into her head. Your TL apologized
to you and said "that she had dropped the woman's TL an email
about it." I'd drop it.
Hopefully your TL learned something and will identify you next
time with something like "shadowfox79 is seated at the 3rd desk
on the right," rather than by a personally identifying
characteristic.
#Post#: 11701--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: iolaus
Date: August 19, 2018, 8:56 am
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I also have blue hair (and work with the public) and as you said
people do comment
I'd probably have asked my TL why she was apologising
I'd feel uncomfortable if I felt that the email had been sent on
my behalf - ie if the TL felt it was inappropriate (which
considering she pointed out the blue hair in the first place)
then thats her choice, however if she sent it because she felt
YOU felt uncomfortable then thats overstepping a line (unless
she asked you first)
#Post#: 11703--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: August 19, 2018, 9:51 am
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I don't think what the woman said was so bad unless she was
sneering it out. Sounds like she was just surprised and blurted
it out.
The TL was probably just embarrassed thinking she caused
comments since she was the one who pointed your hair out.
#Post#: 11709--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: Luci
Date: August 19, 2018, 11:49 am
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If someone doesn’t want any startled comments like that, she
shouldn’t have the unusual appearance. My granddaughter's hair
is short and blue. Really cute and good for sports at 11 1/2
years old. She did get upset at first about comments and our
suggestion was either get rid of it or enjoy it. She enjoys it.
A lot.
I don’t think anyone was wrong in the first part of your story.
The TL made you quickly identifiable, just as if you were the
only one wearing an orange shirt or denim jacket that day. The
client was startled and blurted out something that may have been
a compliment. The problem came when everyone overreacted into
political correctness and found insult where none was intended,
including the TL.
#Post#: 11710--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: Aleko
Date: August 19, 2018, 12:03 pm
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I think 'extremely rude' is way overstating the case.
I'm sure we all agree that commenting on something startling
about a person's appearance over which they have no control is
rude. But when they have chosen to make themselves look unusual,
that's another matter. You wouldn't remark on their facial
birthmark or missing nose, but a facial tattoo or half a dozen
eyebrow rings is fair game for (polite) comment, I think. In
fact, if I had been startled by OP's hair and thought my
double-take at the sight had been noticeable, I would think it
best to make some cheerful remark, e.g. 'Yup, TL wasn't
kidding, that sure is blue!' so OP didn't think I was shocked or
disapproving.
My guess is that the coworker, having been startled into her
first exclamation, was so embarrassed she kept babbling to try
and justify it and didn't know how to stop. That's more gauche
than rude, IMHO. If TL felt she had to say anything at all, it
should have been something like '
--- Quote ---
> Next time: when in a hole - stop digging!'
--- End Quote ---
#Post#: 11714--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: August 19, 2018, 1:50 pm
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Unless the woman was commenting in a rude way, I don't see what
the problem is. ITA with Aleko - people who chose an extreme
body modification that is visible should understand that people
are going to comment on it, even though Miss Manners says it is
rude to make comments like that. The woman sounded very
surprised, as many people would be. She might have been a
little over the top but unless she was commenting in a nasty
voice, I think I'd try to laugh and just agree with her that
yes, it was very blue.
I have a friend in her late 60s who has gray hair with a lot of
blue in it. She started with a small patch in one spot in the
back, but now has blue in patches over most of her hair and it
is fabulous. I've considered doing that myself, using violet
instead of blue, even though at 71 I have very little gray hair.
#Post#: 11721--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: Lula
Date: August 19, 2018, 3:07 pm
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Around here, "blue hair" is an affectionately pejorative term
for an elderly person. Maybe the lady was expecting
gray--probably while marveling "did TL really just say
that?"--and was thrown off to see literal blue hair?
#Post#: 11728--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: August 19, 2018, 8:11 pm
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I think TL put the blue hair "on the table" as something to
comment on when she mentioned it first. Shadowfox said it was
just freshened and quite blue, so I can see where the person was
startled and commented several times. It seems like she was
caught off guard and started babbling. That's hardly worthy of
emails between team leaders. If there's a way to recall the
email, either literally or figuratively, the OP's TL should.
I agree that when one chooses something striking or different,
one should expect comment, whether that's a colorful scarf, blue
hair, or a lip piercing. The comments didn't seem judgmental or
rude and there was no reason to escalate this matter. An
environment where things are escalated if they were clumsy or
inelegant leads to everyone walking on eggshells.
#Post#: 11735--------------------------------------------------
Re: Whoa!
DIR By: guest657
Date: August 19, 2018, 11:23 pm
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The woman was awkward. You found it somewhat tiresome but it
didn't offend or bother you. Your team lead over-reacted.
Does your TL habitually over react and escalate situations
(particularly when it was their own actions that set it off)?
That's something I'd be careful about when dealing with a
supervisor. You don't want to be the next one the TL
manufactures a complaint about.
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